An evil marketing study by PHD, a media planning group, was conducted to determine when women feel the ugliest so that advertisers can target them at those exact moments. Yes, exploiting people’s insecurities and making women feel worse about their bodies when they are already feeling shitty about themselves is an excellent way to sell them lipgloss and scrubbing bubbles!
So when do women feel ugliest. Well, let’s start with the days of the week as our vanity is all tied up, like a pair of earbuds and a necklace, with the days of the week.
1) 46% of women feel ugliest on Sundays and Mondays
Probably because on Sundays I am covered in floor scum and Murphy’s Oil because that is the day I clean things. Mondays are just the calendar’s way of reminding you everything in the whole world is awful because too many mojitos while you were feeling ugly at Sunday brunch.
So how will advertisers exploit your weakness for profit, according to PHD, “Monday becomes the day to encourage the beauty product consumer to get going and feel beautiful again, so marketing messages should focus on feeling smart, instant beauty/fashion fixes, and getting things planned and done. Concentrate media during prime vulnerability moments, aligning with content involving tips and tricks, instant beauty rescues,dressing for the success, getting organized for the week and empowering stories.”
Yes! A new blazer will make my face less hideous!
2) 69% feel ugly when they are waking up
I look like a dragon’s fart when I wake up, weave unfurled.
3) 67% when they are are sick
I look like volcanic cyst, whatever that means.
4) 62% when they are sweating
I look like a wet, burnt marshmallow.
5) 61% when they are stressed
I look like a grown woman in the fetal position.
6) 60 % when they are crying
I look like a moist piece of raw chicken making dolphin noises.
7) 54% at the end of a long day