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There Is Mad Pooper Pooping In Yale Students’ Laundry

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The Yale Daily News reports,”In the past several weeks, an unknown individual or group, who students have dubbed the ‘poopetrator,’ has repeatedly defecated in students’ laundry, leaving many fearful about the safety of their clothes.”

There is a Mad Pooper at Yale.

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Clearly someone watched the episode of Bob’s Burgers where Tina investigates a mysterious middle school pooper. Pooping isn’t a joke. The police are now involved because poo is yucky and unsanitary. Plus, it cost approximately one babillion quarters to do laundry on campus, I’d be pissed if I did laundry and it came back covered in poop.

According to Yale police, “An unknown individual or group, who students have dubbed the ‘poopetrator,’ has repeatedly defecated in students’ laundry, leaving many fearful about the safety of their clothes.”

A Yale student, Lucy Fleming, said, “The fact that this could happen at Yale is shocking to me. Think about what this means for our community.”

What exactly does this mean for Yale? No more spring formal? No more financial aid? What does this mean?

A victim of the poopetrator told Yale’s tabloid Rumpus, “To be honest it was mostly pure unadulterated incredulity of the are-you-fucking-kidding-me variety. I mean, the entire reason my laundry was in this top dryer in the first place was that someone had already urinated on it in the bottom dryer, so I had to rewash the whole thing (with extra detergent).”

There’s a lot of weird body secretion juju going on at Yale.

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[Image via. Shutter Stock]

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