Hi there dude!
So I’ve been friends with this guy since my childhood, but lately it seems as if we’ve become closer. Now that we’ve grown up I feel that our friendship could develop into something really great.
The thing is, my friend is generally a shy guy (geeky, extremely intelligent, think MIT-student and the nicest guy I know), he doesn’t ever hit on women, and he has never been with a woman. But I feel as if he has started flirting with me, asking me more intimate questions, and texting me much more than usually. I’m not really sure though, as he keeps his emotions really well hidden. Then again at other times it feels as if I’m definitely being friend zoned.
I’ve always been the more outgoing type and has much more experience in dating than him. I’m scared of shoving him away by showing too much interest. But I’m afraid that if I don’t make a move nothing will ever happen, but maybe that’s just for the best. And if I chose to make a move, how should I go about it? We hang out on a weekly basis and do all kinds of stuff together, so how can I make it seem like more than just a friendly hangout?
Maybe I should just wait? After all we’re not so old, I’m 18 and he’s almost 20. Then again, I know I will regret it, if someone realizes how great he is and snatches him away right under my nose.
I really hope you can advise me!
– Crushing on her best friend
Dear Crushing on her best friend,
Can you turn a best friend into a hook up? Sometimes it’s easier than shooting fish in a barrel while other times it can be like transforming green kryptonite into blue kryptonite (if your experiments lead to black kryptonite the results will be disastrous). For some guys it’s a simple process: a lean in, some encouraging shoulder touching, and a few chosen words in the vein of, “toucha toucha touch me, I wanna be dirty, thrill me chill me fulfill me…” or if you want something a little less early career Susan Sarandon, “I have boobs. Would you like to make sure?” Then again if you want to be subtler about it I supposed you could try the boring old, “What are you waiting for?” It all depends on what he geeks out or freaks out over but you get the generally idea.
You can try to switch up the routine but you don’t want to put too much pressure on him. Of course, being this tough to handle the fault, dead Brutus, lies not in you and, though inexperienced, you’d like for him to be able to cope with a bit of pressure. In a can’t-lose situation. Instead of the usual spot you can switch it up. If you’re always hanging out on the couch then go out someplace you think he’ll have a good time first. If you’re always at a party then suggest a movie night for just you two. It’s the delicate balance of getting him out of his comfort zone but not too far out of it.
Again, some touching will be encouraging. A snuggle here, an arm around his waist there, a peck on the lips would give you a definite answer whether you’re ready for one or not but don’t do it randomly. It’s not like, “Hey, here’s my tongue in your mouth.” That could come off as a bit forward…or awesome…or assault, use your judgment.
Step one: change of venue.
Step two: change of behavior.
Step three: make a move.
If he’s shy and you’re outgoing then lead him gently by the hand into the bedroom. You have to push him a little and see if he pushes back. You can loosen his lips with liquor. You can tell him how hot he looks. You can stare deeply into his eyes and tell him you really like him. But you have to initiate since he won’t. Waiting for him to make a move is usually a waste of time and puts a lot more stress on something that you want to be fun and joyful. Maybe even a tad sexy. But you don’t know what’s going to happen until you actually poke this bear and see if he’s a teddy or a grizzly. If he freaks out then you have something to work with, if he responds in kind then you have something to work with. Right now, you’ve got nothing to go off of. Hence, why you’re talking to me about it instead of with him.
Be bold. You sound like the dream girl that all us shy guys wish would make that move to help us come out of our shells. Don’t overthink it, don’t freeze up, and don’t freak out. Go for what you want and you’re going to get what you need.
Sending good vibes,
[Got a Dude itch you just can’t scratch? Sick of trying to come up with a not-totally-crazy-girl way to bring it up to your guy friends and get their take on things? Totally over over-analyzing the cryptic messages he leave on your Facebook Wall? We got your back, girlfriend. Send your question over to askthedude [at] collegecandy [dot] com. The Dude won’t sugarcoat it, beat around the bush, or any other weird cliche that means lie to you. Like a nice, juicy hot dog, he’ll be 100% real beef, 100% of the time. So bring. it. on.]