Kim Kardashian, Ke$ha, and Lady Gaga have seemingly perfected the butt selfie. Is it because their rear ends are better than ours? Well, better is subjective but if by better we mean meticulously sculpted from a strict diet, questionable implants or exercise, then, yes, probably some of those things. After studying these ass-pirational photos I’ve come to realize: there is an order to this madness. Don’t worry my flat booty friends, we’ve figured out how to take the perfect butt selfie.
The Head Turn Butt Selfie
Step 1. ) Stand at a 75 degree angle in front of the mirror. Notice that Kim’s butt isn’t fully facing us. Her body is at an angle, only three-quarters of the way. This is already helping to establish a flattering optical illusion of a bigger booty by creating a silhouette in which the back curves inward and the butt curves outward. This will have the thirsty fellas of Instagram wondering, “How ya’ waist anorexic and ya’ ass so colossal?”
Step 2.) Push your assets out. When the booty is closer to the camera and the upper body is angled father away, the booty appears to be much bigger than the rest of the body.
Step 3.) Do a half tip-toe. When you stand on the tip-toe of one leg, while keeping the other straight it elongates the body. When you tip toe with the leg closest toward the camera it accentuates the curve of your first butt cheek, flexes that thigh muscle and gives it an extra boost. It also keeps the second cheek in plain view. You don’t want to “half-ass” this look. (A-har-har-har!)
Further analysis would indicate that Kim’s combination of a 75 degree angle and the half tip-toe would suggest that both techniques in combination create a scenario called the “double butt curve,” in which the outline of each cheek is plump and emphasized int he silhouette. Here we have maximum booty and bonus points to Kim for creating a shadow effect that further highlights her curvy silhouette. This, my friend, is next level booty.
Doggy Style Booty
This technique is less about how the body is position relative to the camera and more about how it is positioned relative to itself. Props to Ke$ha for whatever kind of bizarre butt string garter belt she found to liven up this look!
Step 1.) Get down on all fours. Be sure to keep your body slightly less than parallel to the camera with your elbows closest toward it and your booty furthest away. This, again, will create a “double butt curve,” effect in which each cheek pops up like a beautiful mountain range of booty. It will also completely conceal your tummy area, thus creating the illusion of a smaller waist by only accentuating the way in which the booty dips into the back.
Step 2.) Curve the back. Do take note of the fact that your back is not perfectly straight. You are not pretending to be a table, you are pretending to be a girl with a luscious rear end who is into taking photos of said lusciousness. Create an incline with your butt being the highest point and your head being the lowest. This will protrude the cheeks making the ass look bigger in its entirety.
Step 3.) Suck in that tummy and stick your butt up to the sky. You’ll know you have achieved this when there is a “triangle” of empty space under your body.
The Basic Beginner Level Booty
For those of you hesitant to play with angles or get on all fours in the middle of the street, Lady Gaga has seemingly perfected the basic beginner booty. The idea is simple: objects closer to the camera appear bigger, objects away from the camera appear smaller.
Step 1.) Completely turn away from the camera. No angles here.
Step 2.) Stick booty out. Push the booty out so that it is closest to the camera and your upper body is farthest from it. This will create the illusion of a wider booty and cinched in waist.
General Pro-Tips For Every Technique
1. In case you haven’t noticed thongs, panties and booty shorts are encouraged. You really want to emphasize each individual cheek and nothing accomplishes that more than a cloth divider.
2. Filters are encouraged. No one is perfect! Blur those stretch marks and that cellulite as much as possible. This is all about aesthetic and aesthetic is deception.
3. Don’t be afraid to wear sheer tights. Sheer tights will suck you in, in all the right places. Beyonce did it during the Superbowl and you could hardly tell you weren’t looking at her bare legs.
Remember when all else fails just refer to Tyra Banks’ now infamous tweet!