Everyone’s Kink Is Boring To Me These Days [Sexy Time]

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I don’t know when it happened, but at some point I stopped being surprised by sexual proclivities. There was a time when I used to be so entranced by every single aspect of any/everyone’s sex lives. I used to voraciously devour sex blogs and try to glean as much info from my friends about their hookups. I used to be so scandalized/grossed out reading the raunchier ads on Craigslist and be utterly fascinated by the “weird sex” TV shows out there. And then, at some point, I had desensitized myself and now absolutely nothing phases me.

This is actually a somewhat practical skill for my life. I’ve accidentally become a pro bono therapist/life coach to people in my life because I can listen to any of their problems and generally keep a poker face and I can easily offer non-judgmental sentiments. This is definitely one of my few redeeming qualities (jk…sort of), so I’m glad I have this ability to be blase and create a shame-free space for my friends. Not to mention, my boyfriend legitimately has no excuse not to communicate any of his fantasies/desires to me, so if our sex life completely falls to boring shambles, he can’t throw “IT’S ALL YOUR FAULT BECAUSE I NEVER FELT COMFORTABLE TALKING TO YOU” in my face. And I live my life in a way. Because nothing indicates a successful life more than being someone who can be smugly superior in the face of emotional outbursts made by others.

But I also think this is the natural intellectual progression when you realize that most people have the same goals for sex. Generally, we all just want to get off and feel some sort of a connection with the person we’re getting it on with. Whether that comes from spanking, threesomes, role playing, restraints, all of the above, or none of the above, we’re mostly all seeking satisfaction. Even if it’s obscured in consensual humiliation, degradation, or activities that society sees as weird and gross. I was watching this show about swingers a few days ago, and all of the people featured were just so patronizing about how cool their “lifestyle” is and how amazing and exciting the sex they have is because they’re not vanilla like most people. I could not stop rolling my eyes at how banal it was. Like, wow, two penises instead of one, my jaw hurts at the mere thought.

I used to think I was some sort of special snowflake because I was a submissive, like I was just so enlightened because I was doing something naughty. Then I a) realized that being submissive as a woman is pretty par for the course and b) even if it wasn’t, it doesn’t make my sex life any better than the woman who can orgasm from missionary. There’s always someone out there with a more outrageous kink. So while I think it’s beyond important to identify your kinks and integrate them into your sex life, I don’t think it’s a really great idea to wrap a huge part of your identity in it. At the same time, don’t shame yourself for your kinks or worry about being too weird. In this day and age, not only can you find hundreds or thousands of other people who share the same kink at the drop of a virtual hat, anyone you’re having sex has probably heard of or masturbated to something nastier. It’s a post 50 Shades of Grey world and we’re just living in it.

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