I Fart In Front Of My Boyfriend So What?

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A¬†¬†British man named Paul O’Leary invented Shreddies, underwear that prevents the odor from farts being released into the atmosphere. Question: does that mean at the end of the day when you take your panties off, the smell of 1,000 farts is unleashed upon the world?

The underwear is available for men and women and is made of a “miracle fabric” called Zorflex which uses a layer of carbon cloth that is effective at trapping in the smell. When you wash the undie the smell trap, “resets.”

The women’s option is priced at $30, while the men’s is priced at $45.

This invention is great for someone with serious flatulence issues but I can just imagine the thousands of girls who are going to flock to grab these so they can avoid farting in front of their significant others. Look, I’m not going to hide the fact that I am a human and odors are released from me. If you love me, smell me.

Guys do lots of gross things too anyway.

*Stop scratching your nuts in public and I’ll stop farting.

*Stop eating McDonalds more than once a month and I’ll stop farting.

*Wash your face with actual face wash and I’ll stop farting.

*Wash your hands after you pee and I’ll stop farting.

*Stop listening to generic hard rock like Nickelback and I’ll stop farting.

Yes, there has to be some mystery in a relationship, yes, it’s nice to view your loved one as someone who is perfect but I am perfect in spite of my flaws and farting isn’t even a flaw so get used to my veggie farts. If this is the person you’re going to marry chances are you’re going to experience a lot of gross stuff together.

Someone might get drunk and wet the bed.

You may want to try anal sex in the decades you are “together forever.”

Someone may become old and incontinent so you might be responsible for cleaning up adult diapers.

There will be puke. There is always puke.

These are the facts of life, my friends. We may want to ignore the fact that our bodies do smelly gross things but that is just plain denial.

There will be blood! There will be farts!

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