I am official with my boyfriend for four months now, and we have known each other for only eight months. I am so confused about him, though. I feel like he is really not into me, and I don’t know why he is keeping me. But when I ask him, he said because he loves me. Our only communication is texting. We haven’t seen each other for almost one month because he said he is busy. We only text each other to update the places we go, or if we already arrived in our workplace. But we don’t talk and share things about us. Why is it like this? Does this mean he doesn’t really love me or like me at all?
Dear Ms. Confused,
Oh, honey…Only texting!?!?!? If he’s been this absent from the actual relationship then there’s kind of a difficult part of the relationship missing: THE RELATIONSHIP! I mean, don’t get me wrong that there’re long distance relationships, online, through Skype, etc. At the same time, if you’re together then you’ve got to develop, you know, intimacy. Which generally involves talking to each other about more than just where you are and when you got there.
I’m not saying there’s no hope but you’re being kept on the back burner here. There’s no reason he can’t make some time for you in a month, unless he’s Willie Loman on the road, for you two to see each other. I mean, the beginning excitement, that’s the honeymoon. You’re being cheated out of a honeymoon! If he can’t make time for you then you should tell him that you don’t need to be committed until he’s ready to commit.
He might really like you. He might even love you. He might just be beyond crazy in life so that there’s little room for someone he loves. That happens. It’s not the happiest of circumstances, but you can’t choose when those align, you have to work from where you are. Which sounds like a lonely place.
It’s not fair to you to be neglected and it’s not fair to him to commit himself to a relationship he can’t be present for. If you really love him then you have to talk him through the fact that he either has to make more time for the two of you or else you need to give him some space and when he’s ready you can reconnect at a later date.
Don’t text, call.
Being the blunt instrument,
[Got a Dude itch you just can’t scratch? Sick of trying to come up with a not-totally-crazy-girl way to bring it up to your guy friends and get their take on things? Totally over over-analyzing the cryptic messages he leave on your Facebook Wall? We got your back, girlfriend. Send your question over to askthedude [at] collegecandy [dot] com. The Dude won’t sugarcoat it, beat around the bush, or any other weird cliche that means lie to you. Like a nice, juicy hot dog, he’ll be 100% real beef, 100% of the time. So bring. it. on.]