Thirsty celebrity fans are called stans. It took me a while to understand why then I was kindly reminded of Eminem’s hit single, “Stan,” about a demented fan who becomes so obsessed with Slim Shady he endlessly writes letters to him, kills his pregnant girlfriend and himself. The term “stan” has a slightly more lighthearted connotation than that. It just means you’ve chosen your fandom and you’re sticking to it. For example, I stan for Britney Spears. She is my Godney, I worship her. Not because she is the best (Heavens knows she is not). Not because she is the brightest (Have you heard this woman speak?). Not because she is the most talented (She clearly has no interest in performing anymore). Rather, I stan for Britney, because I empathize with her and enjoy her music but most of all, I pledged my allegiance and I am loyal. Floptina and Creyonce step aside.
Some fans get thirsty to the point of psychosis. No, truly there is an actual term for obsessed fans called “celebrity worship syndrome,” described as, “an obsessive-addictive disorder in which a person becomes overly involved with the details of a celebrity’s personal life.” Stanning too hard can be a real medical condition.
Now, let us rank the thirstiest fans in history from celebrity scandals to blatant desperation.
10. YAAAAAAAAS, GAGA YAAAAAAAAAS, YOU LOOK SO GOOD
The Instagram user maikeeb_kills has a way of finding Lady Gaga and bombarding her with encouraging phrases like, “YAS GAGA!” “SLAY MAMA!” “YOU LOOK SO GOOD!” He has found her on at least three occasions and during the last one she promptly scampered away in fear.
9. The Boy Who Tried To Give Megan Fox A Rose
The sadness. The desperation. Megan Fox’s expression of utter disinterest and subtle disgust. “Do not want!” She thinks. His heart breaks. You can almost see it.
8. The Guy Who Bit Britney’s Leg
While the video is erased from the history books, this single screen shot has captured the instance in which a fan bit Britney’s leg while she was giving him a lap dance. Do not feed the stans.
7. The Guy Who Rented Two Planes To Fly Across Malibu To Get Paris Hilton’s Attention
When someone is this desperate to “court” you and you haven’t met them, it’s best to runaway—runaway from me, baby!
6. Steve-O’s Body Shrine To Angelina Jolie
Steve-O, of Jackass fame, is a huge fan of Angelina Jolie. He got all of Angelina Jolie’s tattooed on his own body. So no tattoos of her just the ones she got which is even more weird, kind of . . .
5. The 40-year-old Man With 21 Miley Cyrus Tattoos
4. Stalker Sarah
17-year-old Stalker Sarah has taken 6,200 selfies with celebrities. Can you feel the thirst? The thirst is real. She’s made a name for herself at this point, even New York Magazine wrote a piece on her.
3. All of Justin Bieber’s Fans. Ever.
When Justin Bieber arrived in Norway he caused a state of emergency as hundreds of fans swarmed him. The police had to be called and even during his performance 49 girls were injured. Calm down, stans. Rest.
2. Ashley Tisdale’s Crazed Fan
A deranged fan tweeted at Ashley Tisdale 18,000 times and was sentenced to a year in jail. Yeah, things can get pretty scary sometimes.
1. John Hinckley Jr.
John Hinckley Jr. was so obsessed with Jodie Foster that he tried to assassinate President Ronald Reagan. While the President was exiting a hotel and waving to the American people, Hinckley Jr. fired six shots. He missed the President but ended up seriously injuring two people.
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