So sometimes sex in college gets dull. That’s just the nature of doing something over and over and over again. Naturally, we do all kinds of things to keep sexy time exciting, from dirty talk to role play to trying different positions and locations. Then, of course, there are toys. Toys can be a great and playful way to make things more interesting. Whether you’re already a toy aficionado or you want to delve into the toy world with your partner, the most important key to making things successful is, of course, communicating.
Bringing up toys doesn’t have to be a big, heavy conversation. When you’re just relaxing or cuddling, mention that you think it would be fun to play around with a vibrator or dildo or whatever it is that you’d be into. You don’t have to frame it as a critique of your current sex life. Some people may see the suggestion of toys as an indication that their bodies are inadequate, so don’t be surprised if your partner gets a little defensive. You may have to remind them that plastic/glass/rubber is not going to replace their genitals as your main source of pleasure. That toys are just props, not criticisms.
If your partner is down with experimenting with toys, embark on your journey collaboratively. If you’ve already amassed a collection of toys, you can go through them with your partner and gauge which ones pique their interest. It’s also a good way to sneak some dirty talk into the mix. For example, if you have a favorite sex toy, you can talk about how you’ve thought of your partner while using it. Not only is that pretty hot, but it reinforces that toys aren’t a replacement for an intimate human connection to you. If you’re a total sex toy novice, you should hit up a sex shop together, or browse for sex toys online with each other (and check out my sex toy roundup from last year). You don’t have to spend a fortune on toys. There are vibrators and rings and dildos at all price points, and you can easily use something like a scarf as a restraint.
Then, of course, establish boundaries and preferences. This isn’t a convo that you only have once. You should both feel free to change your mind and modify. Maybe you start off wanting to try bondage and then realize that’s not your thing. Or maybe your partner starts off only wanting to use toys very rarely, but then realizes they want toys to be more of a staple. It’s all about being on the same page. If you can’t talk to someone you’re having sex with about your sex life, that’s not a good look at all. The key to a better sex life is being honest about what you want and how you want it.