My boyfriend has been sick for the last few days and has taken to quarantining himself in our bedroom. Occasionally, I’ll wander in there to make sure he’s alive, chatter on about inconsequential things and provide a tiny bit of a reprieve from the arduous task of paying attention to both the TV and his computer. Now that he’s back from knocking on death’s door and his cold is almost over, I’ve taken to flirting with him again. While he’s still not up for sex, and I’m still not up for touching him, I’ll walk into the room wearing my typical loungewear (shirt and undies) and proceed to give him a bit of a show.
Some people, especially men, talk about “teases” in a derisive and frustrated way. Like flirting or being sexual equals an obligation to bring them to orgasm. That mindset is beyond entitled and unattractively selfish, so I never took the negative associations of teasing to heart. To me, the cool thing about sex is that there are so many stages and manifestations of it. Kissing doesn’t have to lead to nudity which doesn’t have to leave to any kind of penetration. Everyone has the right to place boundaries wherever they want, and I feel like part of being a mature sexually active adult is being aware that no one is ever obligated to be completely available to you.
Luckily, my boyfriend sees it that way too. He appreciates flirting just for the sake of flirting (or, as is often the case with me, flirting for the sake of getting a positive reaction from him). I can preen for him, strip for him, dirty talk to him, and not be subject to a whiny, pouting, angry guy when I pump the brakes. Sometimes I’m in the mood to think about sex, and perform coy sexuality without having to do all the work involved with actually having sex (aka, I can be obscenely lazy).
If I were with a guy who didn’t appreciate being teased, but could express that to me in a cordial and civil way, I think I’d be willing to modify my behavior and refrain from doing anything to insinuate that I’m DTF. But, I really appreciate being with someone who can understand the appeal of being playful and doesn’t freak out when I decline his penis. It’s so important to be with someone you’re sexually compatible with. Whatever your preferences may be, you can always find someone who respects them.