Will A Threesome Hurt My Reputation? Ask A Slut!

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Ask a Slut

Ask A Slut” is the column where we turn to sexually-liberated women to answer the tough questions about sex. We mean the kind of questions that that we can’t answer because we’re such good girls. We love our sluts, though, partly because we support the feminist fight against societal double standards. And also because good girls like sex, but we sometimes need helpful advice–and who better to ask than our sexual pioneers in the sisterhood…

Dear Slut,

I really want to have a threesome, but I’m afraid I’ll get a bad reputation around campus afterwards. How can I be sexually adventurous and explore my boundaries without being labelled a slut (no offense)?

Do we still live in a world where a mere threesome can give some girl a bad reputation? Yes, we do–but people are getting more liberated every day. We’re reminded of that every time that we look at the success of the Cinekink Film Festival. This annual collection of fetish films has found big audiences all over the globe–and CineKink has just announced that their 11th Annual Festival will be running in New York City from February 25th through March 2nd, 2014.

From there, Cinekink will go on its national tour–as overseen by festival founder Lisa Vandever. She’s certainly found a great way to combine her love for human sexuality and film. Lisa, of course,also lives a very public life as the proud face of CineKink–so she’s certainly the woman to take over this column now…

Lisa Vandever

Dear Threesome-Curious,

No offense taken, but my first bit of advice would be to send that internal slut-shamer packing at your very first opportunity. Otherwise, she’s just going to turn up and squelch any joy you might derive from your sexual adventuring. Threesomes can be a lot of work, involving many moving parts and logistics…why let her spoil the rewards?

You don’t say whether you’re in a relationship. If you are, the first step, of course, is communicating your interest to your current partner and getting a sense of whether the desire is shared. Being a part of a threesome is the most common fantasy around, so while this can be a scary conversation, no one’s likely to be unduly shocked. (And if you’re proposing an FFM scenario to your male partner, the response is most probably hell, yeah, let’s start yesterday already!)

As to other participants for this ménage, whether you’re starting out solo or as a duo, your first criteria–other than the obvious one of blinding chemical attraction–should be finding partners who are open-minded and respectful of your right to sexual pleasures and pursuits, ie unlikely to paint your exploits in a negative, shame-y light.

If you can’t think of any possibilities in your immediate circle, or you’re hoping to avoid an awkward conversation with someone you’ll encounter on a regular basis, your best bet is to check out gatherings of like-minded, adventurous others.

Where do enlightened sluts congregate? You might look for a sex-positive meet-up (In NYC, there’s the monthly Pleasure Salon) or even a weekend convention (these often come with the added bonus of classes in just this very subject). Peruse swinger websites and parties–the rare place in life where women generally call the shots–for sympatico, no-strings hook-ups with couples and/or singles (these traditionally skew older, but that’s changing, and there’s increasingly less heteronormativity in the mix.) Or check out your favorite kinky film festival and see whom you might rub, um, elbows with in the next seat!

We follow Lisa (and Cinekink) via the official site–and also on Twitter, of course.

To read previous Ask a Slut columns, click here!

If you would like to Ask a Slut a question of your own, submit it in our comments!!

JRT
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