You know, I think us ladies have it pretty easy when it comes to being good at sex. I feel like the baseline is just to not lay there like a corpse and to express enthusiasm. Our bodies don’t usually mechanically betray us in this particular arena – most of the time, mechanical problems with our lady parts can be fixed with lube. Guys, on the other hand, have to depend on their penises, which apparently have a mind on their own. Luckily, I’ve never been with a dude whose penis wasn’t functioning, but it is a thing that happens to men, regardless of age, fitness level, arousal level, etc. I know that if I were confronted with a penis that didn’t appear happy to see me, I would be a little bit bummed out. However, don’t let it ruin the moment. There are ways for both parties to leave the bed somewhat satisfied.
Sex doesn’t begin and end with a penis. Assuming he has functioning hands and an eager mouth, that’s more than enough to bring you plenty of stimulation. If orgasming is your goal, then most likely you don’t even need penetration anyway, so don’t let a wayward penis stop you from having a lovely time. Don’t be afraid to suggest that he pleasure you in other ways. He may need a reminder that he’s more than just his member (and don’t forget that yourself!).
Also, you don’t have to neglect the guy just because his Mr. Happy is kind of depressed. You can still give a handy or blowie even if it doesn’t lead to the typical physical response. There’s a chance he wouldn’t be into it, but there’s also a chance that he’d really appreciate the gesture. It shows that you’re not totally repulsed just because his body isn’t cooperating.
It’s totally valid to feel disappointed or insecure if you’re confronted with erectile dysfunction. Guys are generally expected to always be willing and able to have sex, and it can be a blow to the self-esteem to be rejected for any reason. However, you shouldn’t take that out on the guy. He’s already in a mortifying situation, and chastising him isn’t going to make it better. If you’re in a relationship and it’s not a common occurrence, you should ultimately let it go and try not to read too much into it. If it happens regularly, you should definitely encourage your partner to seek medical attention, as erectile dysfunction could be a symptom of something hormonal or mental. In a casual context, it’s totally up to you to choose whether or not you want to take the chance of hooking up with him again. If you’re truly turned off, you don’t have to try to talk yourself into giving him another chance. But if you’re amenable to it, you’re not a total sucker. It’s quite possible for a guy to recover and make an excellent second/third/fourth impression on you.
Sex mishaps are bound to happen, and they’re only a huge deal if you make them out to be. Try not to take it too personally and jump to the worst case scenario. You shouldn’t blame yourself or start doubting your sex appeal. Even if a guy does lose his erection because he’s not attracted to you (something that most men would never admit to you, anyway), that doesn’t mean that you are unequivocally not hot. For every dude who may not be interested in you, there is one that would appreciate you completely. You are way too important to let yourself get caught up in letting a man’s erection influence your own self-perception.