I’d say, “remember when” but neither of us was alive back in the ’50s when futurism was at the forefront of everyone’s minds. Back then technology seemed limitless and by 1989 people expected to be riding around on hovercrafts while robot maids prepared them moon pies. Today we’re a little more practical and grounded in how we see technology, yet I can’t help but wonder why it has only evolved to make our phones smarter at the expense of improving other day-to-day items?
1. The Bra
Will women be confined to the fabric and wire cages of our braziers until the end of time? HOW? How has no one created a more comfortable boob-lifter-upper? How has society and technology not evolved passed an uncomfortable contraption made to smush my tits together so that they supposedly “look better.” Is it because there is no greater pleasure, not an orgasm or chocolate, that can compare to removing a bra after a long day? Well, I am willing to give that up if a scientists can invent something that doesn’t make me feel like I am in a straight jacket carrying two sacks of potatoes in my front, you know? Get on it, scientists!
Sponges are disgusting. They are made to clean filth and absorb filth along with moisture. They are breeding grounds for bacteria, yet we are expected to reuse them. Is there not some sort of antibacterial sponge that kills 99.9% of bacteria upon contact? Is there not a sponge that doesn’t home mildew, sadness and despair? Science, fix this.
3. Feminine “Napkins”
Or any product that is made to accommodate your period. Women have been bleeding once a month for centuries yet the only solution we have come up with is: stick a cork in it or JUST SPONGE IT. (See: how gross things that absorb moisture are.) Now of course there other methods of birth control that will make your period show up only 4 times a year, yet I can’t help but feel like “putting a cork” in my fallopian tubes or dramatically altering my hormones is really the solution. Is there anything else we can do, geniuses of the world?
Are there really no teleportation devices yet? I would hook one up in the kitchen and one near my bed so that I can stick my arm in it and then open up the fridge.
[Image via. Shutterstock/Ammentorp Photography]