No Date For Valentine’s Day? Rent A Gent.

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    Posted in Dating, Love

rent a gent

QUESTION: Are you a “go-getter” woman? Are you “smart and busy”? Is your “social calendar” full? Would you like to enjoy the “lifestyle that has been enjoyed by men for centuries”? If you have answered yes to all of these questions then perhaps you are in need of RENT A GENT. What is a rent a gent? Hmmm. It is a cross between a prostitute and a dog walker. A mashup of a gigolo and a fitness trainer. A remiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiix of a whore and an artist. 

Rent A Gent allows you to rent dudes for the small fee of $300-$800 per hour. Just a small price to pay to have an average looking guy who calls himself a “handymen” fix your leaky sink. The point of “rent a gent” isn’t to get laid (so why would it cost this much? IDK) it’s to have a nice piece of eye candy clean your house, wait on tables, bartend at your niece’s bat mitzvah or go on a “gym date” with you, whatever the fuck that is. According to the website these dashing gentlemen all have “ivy league” degrees because you need brains with your braun, you are a modern, independent woman who needs to pay for dudes.

As RAG describes, “To us, looks are very important, but personality is what seals the deal. This is a guilt-free pleasure, its fun, exciting, and by women’s rules.” Just to be clear for a very high price you are renting an attractive man slave. Now that I’ve come to think of it why not? I don’t want to clean my room. So I’ll call Gregorio my manslave from BRASIL to come and Swiffer my floors while I do tequila shots off of his abs because fuck it, I am a liberated woman.

“At a reasonable price, Rent a Gent delivers a ‘wow’ experience for women everywhere.” Yes, like wow at these amazing prices I’ll have to work two shifts at the Cotton Club. Currently there are only 15 men to choose from because seriously. 

Here is my top choice: HARRISON: THE REVOLUTIONARY. For just $300/hr you can eat sushi out of one of the founder’s of Occupy Wall Street’s butthole while he reads you excerpts from the Communist Manifesto.  Check out his profile:

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“If your life needs a revolution, I’m the ideal man for the job! I’m one of the organizers of Occupy Wall Street! I’m the best date for any woman looking for a mental, athletic, or spiritual adventure. I’m a true sapio-sexual intellectual-activist. I’m finishing my PhD and writing a dissertation on erotic arts. My interests include: the Afro-Brazilian martial art of Capoeira, the French street movement art known as Parkour, Judo/Jujitsu, Gymnastics, Yoga, psychoanalysis and erotic hypnosis. My passion for life is contagious and once we meet you’ll be inspired to get more in touch with your own lust for life.

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“My proudest accomplishment is the revolution that I worked tirelessly to help spread across the globe in the fall of 2011.”

WHO WOULDNT WANT TO START A REVOLUTION FOR THE REASONABLE PRICE OF $300 PER HOUR? AMIRITE, LADIES?

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