There’s an infographic that makes it way through Facebook every once in a while that makes me want to rip out my hair and throw a tantrum. It says something to the effect of “When a woman says she’s fine, she’s probably not fine.” It is so stereotypical.
But I’m guilty of it too, unfortunately. In early relationships, before I was the Bold Girl I am today, I would hide my feelings, no matter the cost. I would let things build and build until I was banging my arms against the dashboard of my car screaming, “I’M FINE, GOD! WHY DON’T YOU BELIEVE ME.” It’s so counter productive. I was so clearly not fine, but had been conditioned to think that’s what I should say. The argument wasn’t worth it. The passive aggressiveness and lack of decision making carried on throughout most of that relationship, and then that relationship ended.
I was just an immature freshman, but I began to notice how much of myself I had lost in that relationship and I knew I never wanted to be that way again. Since then I’ve learned that a healthy relationship doesn’t necessarily mean avoiding an argument. Sometimes you need to get mad or yell or be completely upset for a seemingly small reason. If the man you’re with makes you feel bad for having emotions, if he makes you feel “crazy” then he’s probably not the right man.
Seriously, though. Try it. Start saying why you’re mad. Start asking for what you want from your significant other/crush/whatever. Tell the boy you can’t stop thinking about that you want to be more than friends with benefits. It’s liberating, and among the first steps to growing into the mature, confident women I know you can be. I once read a quote by the lovely DateByNumbers: if the consequence is only an emotion – go for it. Say how you feel and ask for what you want. You’ll be glad you did.
Molly is a senior journalism/English major at a school you haven’t heard of in a state you haven’t heard of. She’s obsessed with Chandler Bing, English bulldogs, and cheese. Follow her on twitter @gwacamolly, or check out her website accordingtomolly.com.