My good friend Tranessa visited me in D.C. during the latter part of my last semester. Generally speaking, we had a pretty good time – a little sightseeing, a little sipping and a little shopping. During her visit, I reactivated my on-again/off-again OkCupid profile on her iPad just for the heck of it. Online dating in D.C. was always pretty dull for me – I have better luck in New York City for some reason. I got a lot of profile views but no messages…typical. I logged off and kept it moving with intentions to delete the thing as soon as she left.
Over Sunday brunch in Georgetown, Tranessa mentioned that I received a message during church earlier that morning. Amen. Finally, the dating gods answered my prayers! I logged onto the website as fast as my network would allow, ignoring my seafood omelet and mimosa. I was a little bit disappointed when I opened it up – it was from Rickey, a balding fortysomething creeper. Not my type. I deleted the message and went back to my breakfast.
“Why’d you do that?” Tranessa asked.
“Umm, because he was gross?” I countered.
“Just because you don’t like the way he looks doesn’t mean that you have to ignore him,” she said. “He could end up being the guy of your dreams!”
It’s not the first time that she made this point. When I’m busy, she’ll check my profile for me and mention other generally gross old men who hit me up. Those are the messages that go straight to the trash. I appreciate the attempt and I guess I’m flattered, but I know that I don’t want to date someone old enough to be my father.
Let’s be honest here. Looks aren’t everything and certainly shouldn’t be, but they play a huge part in dating – especially online dating, where much of the importance is placed on the perfect profile picture. But besides looks, I have to be attracted to your mind as well, and I have to be interested in what you have to say. If you’re using ‘your’ versus ‘you’re’ or list your favorite book as “Holes” on your profile, we probably won’t vibe that well. If you’re calling me “dark and lovely” as I walk to my bus stop or yelling “I like big girls, baby, allllll shapes and sizes!” out of your car window then no thanks, sir, I’m just not that into you. Just because I’m Undateable doesn’t mean that I’m not allowed to have standards or desires. I didn’t tell Tranessa this, but the fact that she thinks that I’m obligated to talk to everyone that tries to talk to me kind of pissed me off.
My friend Brad once said that since it’s never the right time to say goodbye, you have to be selective when you say hello. I think it boils down to self-worth. It’s important to be open, but everyone doesn’t necessarily deserve a chance. I’m not going to turn someone down for the sake of being that girl that tweets about it right after (you know those types), but if I have a sense of what I want, then why should I waste my time otherwise?
So CollegeCandy folks, what say you? Does everyone deserve a chance?
When she’s not watching for Blue Ivy sightings or doing some serious Facebook creeping, Khalea, a recent Howard University graduate, moonlights as a magazine intern and a freelancer in New York City. Follow her on Twitter at @letsbeKHAlear, or feel free to Twatch. Whatever works for you.