I be like: hat, gloves, boots, infinity scarf! I look like a knitwear monster. It doesn’t help that my beanie is neon green and my boots are purple or that my shearling lined, canvas coat gives me the physique of a linebacker. I just want to look cute again. I only briefly lived in a suburb my freshman year at Sarah Lawrence College and the experience is a bit different. A snow day in the city is the equivalent of watching every episode of Breaking Bad only to have the finale withheld from you for the rest of your life, in terms of general aggravating discomfort.
I am sure a snow day in suburban and rural areas create just as much unforeseen chaos but living in New York City, or most major cities, is a special brand of mother nature giving you the finger. Come, let us dissect my misery.
1. Public Transportation Poops Its Pants
Just the other day every single train near my home (there are 5 available subway trains) decided they weren’t going to work at all. No it wasn’t the kind of just go to this stop and transfer here instead, these trains just decided that they earned a day off and it was snowing anyway, so fuck it. The buses hahahaha, who actually have to drive through the snow, hahahahaha. Nope. Everything just goes to poop and it’s impossible to get anywhere in the city. It’s not like people here have cars or as though taxi service is cheap and available to everyone. You’re just stranded. Luckily I can work from home but not everyone can. Solidarity with my service and wage workers out there! The struggle is real. *fistbump*
2. Snow Is Disgusting
In the suburbs snow falls gently and delicately on the grass, the roof, the branches of trees, perfectly illuminated by the crescent moon. In cities things look cool . . . for five seconds. Then suddenly everything is ice, the snow is all 50 shades of grey because it has mixed with every kind of disease, debris and dirt, people use snow as an excuse to not pick up their dog’s poop and be careful because you never know where there’s a hidden ice patch that will have you face planting into Mr. Giggle’s hot and crusty. Snow is gross in the city.
3. NYFW Is Happening Now. I Don’t Look Cute.
It is one thing for the weather to be so terrible that I have to look like shit but when there are hundreds of models and fashion bloggers dressed to the nines (oh and CC is located in the fashion district, btw!) it is infuriating. How do they stay warm? Where did they find such fabulous coats? Did I have to look like a bag lady today? I just want to look cute again!
4. You Have To Plan Every Outing
One of the many benefits in living in a place where you don’t need a car is that you and your friends can wander into one thing from the next. Don’t like this bar, let’s go. Can’t afford this menu, let’s leave. This guy is creeping me out, we’re out of here. You can take your time, get that cardio in, and figure out what you’re doing as you’re doing it. When it snows there is no time for that! It is cold! I’d like the least amount of moisture in my shoes! It takes me 10 extra minutes to walk a block because I have to carefully maneuver my way through this ice hell.
5. Don’t No One Curr
Everyone is annoyed all the time. Trains are packed from wall to wall every morning. Everyone is late. Everyone is trying to look cute. Snow days are the most aggravating days of the year. It’s like mercury has retrograded and we are all just trying to deal. As upset or inconvenienced you are, someone has it worse. You’ve got a problem because of the snow? Don’t no one curr because they got one too. It’s a New York kind of solidarity where, “Go fuck yourself” means “I know what you’re going through and I’m just trying to get by too.”
Sigh. Snow days can be a major bummer but at the end of the day at least I saw how Breaking Bad ended.
[Via. Daily News]