1. You Have To Pretend You Don’t Know Things
You know what I’m talking about. You run into that cute guy in your Anthropology class at the bar. He starts to chat you up and tells you about how he spent the last 4 weeks backpacking Europe.
“Oh, did I mention it to you in class?”
“Umm…yeah you totally did on Tuesday!” (wait…you don’t have class with him on Tuesdays)
“Our class is on Mondays…”
“…I have to go to the bathroom”
2. You Accidentally Run Into Your Crush All The Time
He tweeted “big game tonight” along with a photo of his hockey jersey. Google his name and number — no luck. You remember his best friend plays on the same team. Google his name and number — boom. Game schedule printed. You “accidentally” bump into him outside the sports complex. Every Tuesday night. He mentions how it’s such a coincidence every time. It’s fate baby, fate.
3. You Get Angry
Wait, what do you mean his Facebook profile is completely locked down? Why would he do that?!? Uh, to keep people like you away. Creepily look him up on Instagram — private. Twitter — hasn’t tweeted since 2011. UGH. LIFE SUCKS.
4. You Have Ninja Social Media Fingers
Scroll, scroll, click, click. Like, like, like. Scroll, click, click, like. You have the magic touch when it comes to Instagram creeping. No rookie mistakes of accidentally liking a photo from 98 weeks ago will be made! Accidentally hitting “Add As Friend” on Facebook? Nope, no trigger happy fingers for you.
5. You Take The Long Way Home
Oops, accidentally missed my exit on the highway. Guess I’ll take the next one. Oh look! There’s his house. He has such a nice car. I wonder what he’s doing inside. Is he home? Oh wait, maybe he’s at hockey. Wait, but his car is here. Why isn’t he replying to my texts…
6. You Deny It
Who me? I’m not a stalker.