Society makes a huge deal about women being chaste and pure. Except that if a girl is seemingly too innocent, she’s written off as well. I don’t know about you guys, but I think that’s kind of bullshit. Women are battling every day to remain the perfect balance of sensual but not slutty, and pure but not a prude. I once read a study that polled 100 men. The majority of these 100 men thought that a women’s “perfect number” was seven men. Seven.
Imagine this for a moment: You lose your virginity at a common age, say 16. You are now 24/25 and out in the “real world” of dating. You’ve had six serious relationships of around one year, and one fling. You’ve slept with seven people. Is your future mate going to really judge you for that? Well, society is saying, yeah, he will. It’s frustrating because sexual experience is so problematic. Guys, in my experience, hate feeling like they have less experience than their female counter parts. But girls feel the same way, and no one seems to acknowledge that.
I have talked with friends and thought about my own personal experiences with boys and every time things were taken “to the next level”, there was always a fear that I didn’t have enough notches in my belt in comparison. I remember thinking my first kiss was fifty shades of terrible because we were both make-out virgins and it wasn’t a boy I liked very much. My next make out was terrifying because I felt like I didn’t have enough experience to do a good job. When that second boy that I kissed lost interest in me, as high schoolers do, I convinced myself it was because I was a terrible kisser – a skill that only comes with experience.
Another problem with the idea of a girl’s “number” is that it allows the past to push its way into future relationships. There are reasons I don’t ask how many girls my guy has been with prior to me. I honestly don’t care. I know that if that can of worms would open a lot more questions would emerge, and I would end up getting crazy pants jealous, as I tend to do. That kind of stress is unnecessary. I don’t need to know if you hooked up with Amber and now she’s at this party and it’s a little awkward. Think about it, but don’t say it out loud. Those conversations are reserved for locker rooms and mimosas at brunch.
Here are the numbers I do care about: the number of people in your family, the number of times you’ve had your heart stomped on, the number of people you’ve said “I love you” to, the age you’d like to be married, how long you’d ideally like to date before you put a ring on it, how many puppies are acceptable in our household, how much is too much to spend on shoes?
I don’t like dwelling on the past because it only invites jealousy. I’m more concerned with listening to an experience of a heart break or ex-girlfriend than hearing the exact number of people someone has slept with. I think the stories of love and the growing that comes with a break up are a much more telling factor of a personality than the fact that Shelly slept with four boys sophomore year.
Some things are just…irrelevant.
Molly is a senior journalism/English major at a school you haven’t heard of in a state you haven’t heard of. She’s obsessed with Chandler Bing, English bulldogs, and cheese. Follow her on twitter @gwacamolly, or check out her website accordingtomolly.com.