We Hate Juan Pablo, But It’s Finally Over: The Bachelor Recap, Finale

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the bachelor finale

As Chris Harrison said, we literally have to shower this episode off.

Through out the episode I had taken some notes on actual recaps, but after everything that just happened it feels irrelevant. Basically, I liked Juan Pablo’s dad and I wish that he was the Bachelor.

The first red flag neither of the girls seemed to notice was that nobody in Juan Pablo’s family thinks he is capable of being in a relationship. They continue to ask these girls how they handle fights and they’re very concerned that the girls will abandon JP. The cousin continued to warn her about Juan Pablo’s temper, and all his mom said is that he’s super hyperactive and gets mad a lot. Oh, and he watches TV all weekend. BTW she knows how his weekends are BECAUSE HE STILL LIVES WITH HER. Ugh this was so upsetting.

That’s right– this 32 year old dude still lives with his mother. Why is this not bigger news? Because he’s the worst person ever in so many other ways, this didn’t even need to come up! Amazing.

The second red flag: when he and Clare had a private moment, he took that time to tell her that he doesn’t know her, and also something sexual. There’s a Clare’s mouth joke to be made here but I just can’t formulate it right now.

I’m sorry. WHAT? Worse than my confusion about what in the world could possibly have taken place here, is the fact that the next scene showed the two of them walking up a hill to a picnic, JP completely oblivious that anything bad has happened.

This guy has gone from creepy and kind of rude to a complete asshole in this conversation with Clare. He acts like nothing she says matters, he acts like he said nothing wrong. Worse than him being a huge douche, he defends himself to no end behind the façade of honesty. Saying to a woman you’re about to propose to (I mean a literal 50% chance) that you don’t know her and that you only want to bang it out, is obscene. And further, to defend yourself and to get MAD at her for wanting to discuss this, come on.

Anyways. Clare is a big dummy because I definitely got more pissed off by JP’s reaction than she did. Homegirl shouldn’t have been worried about whether or not JP wants her there, she should have been worried about whether or not she wanted to be with JP.

Third red flag: not only does he basically tell her she’s crazy during their “talk”, and doesn’t do anything to console her or take on any blame. But he brings up South Korea again. She says point blank I just want to know that you like me, not that you just like kissing me. How does he respond? He says, you were the one who went back on your word of the no kissing rule—“so don’t blame me.”

You guys. You guys, you guys, you guys. He’s slut shaming her for something that happened MANY weeks ago. He’s slut shaming her to take the heat off himself because dude can NOT handle confrontation. Honestly at this point I’m real disgusted.

But, Clare is totally cool with it. In fact, post slut shaming they somehow get to a point where he’s saying they’re going to have twins in a year? I’m so confused. Did I miss something? Can someone please tell me what just happened here? Are all girls this dumb? Why does she think he’s a good guy? Ugh I know nothing about anything.

Something very weird has happened this season. Usually, I get annoyed when the Bachlor/ette likes a person that I really hate. This season, I am so upset that Nikki actually likes Juan Pablo that I can’t even like her anymore. I am losing respect for her and Clare solely because they like this dude. Even though that’s the actual point of this show. Ironic right?

Fourth red flag: I just have never seen someone be so thoughtless. Even as Nikki pours her heart out to him, whether or not you believe this show is legit and these feelings are real, you have to say something. JP just kisses her and leaves right away. Right away. No wonder she starts weeping.

What is confusing is that after all of this, I mean both girls spend their last night alone weeping because JP was a dick not because they are scared, they both still want to marry him. And are convinced this man will make a wonderful husband. I truly cannot wrap my mind around this.

So, he lets Clare go. Not surprising really, he definitely thought she was an old lady desperate to get married. And Clare doesn’t really cry, she tells him off. Real aggressively. I am unclear how I feel about this. I’m glad she didn’t give him the satisfaction of letting him hug her and say “ees ok,” but I am a little annoyed that she waited until this moment to do it. We all know she would have said yes if he had proposed—and he would have been the exact same guy. So, I don’t think it was cool of her to call him a horrible father.

But, I’m glad it happened. It showed us once again that Juan Pablo only wants a woman to control. Whenever any of the girls show him any anger or any resistance, he gets MAD. Like I wouldn’t be surprised if he has hit a woman or two in his day, blaming it on honesty or some machismo bullshit. But him watching her walk away saying “I’m glad I didn’t pick her, yeesh!” is out of control.

Unfortunately, he’s insanely good looking, and insanely good looking soccer players are able to treat women like this, and still get hot chicks. Such is life I suppose.

When Nikki comes out of the limo, ready to have this beautiful moment, gushing her heart out about how much she loves him and is ready to marry him… How does he respond? He says “I like you, a lot.” Winky face. So yeah obviously she said yes to the final rose. Because, liking someone a lot is nice.

At After the Final Rose, we continued to learn how much Juan Pablo sucks. He doesn’t think he did anything wrong, and he literally doesn’t know what he should feel regretful for. He hasn’t even said he loves Nikki, and basically we just spent two months of our lives watching two people kind of start dating? So, that’s definitely fun for us.

This whole thing was so awkward. I felt so uncomfortable. Like I’m sitting here trying to put into words why this made me so mad, and I really can’t. A big part of it is that if Juan Pablo is this big of a dick on live TV. I can only imagine what he’s like when the cameras are off. Another big part of it is that Nikki sat pretty silently by and it just felt really manipulative and controlly. Another big part of it is that he interrupted Chris Harrison, which is the absolute worst.

I will be mulling on these feelings for a few days, you guys.

It’s been real. I’m sad I have no Bachelor to write about until Andi’s season (which will be awesome btw), but I am overwhelmingly happy I don’t have to watch this douche bag for one more second.

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