Lindsay Lohan can only play roles where she has split personalities. Fact. Now it’s easy to point to examples of films where she is forced to play two characters like The Parent Trap, I Know Who Killed Me and Freaky Friday—but which other actor can even list three films off hand where they literally embody duplicity? Lindsay is only able to take on binaries. It’s like she can’t just play a multifaceted character. In one way or another, in the bulk of her films, Lilo plays characters who are polar opposites of each other, or roles where the character herself is represented in two extremes. It’s totally effing bizarre.
1. The Parent Trap
The Parent Trap is what catalyzed Lindsay’s career when she portrayed the posh Annie and her separated at birth twin sister Hallie. A film full of sibling rivalry and a ridiculous plan to make divorced parents fall in love again, was a must-see movie back in 1998. The film was a box office success grossing over $92 million with just a $15 million budget. Siskel and Ebert gave it two thumbs up. Fun for the whole family. Yeah, go British Lindsay and American Lindsay, yeah! How many personas does Lilo have in this film? 2. Annie James and Hallie Parker.
2. Freaky Friday
Ugh. Another great film that proved Lindsay has box office staying power grossing over $160 million with a $20 million budget. In another remake of a “switcheroo” comedy, Lindsay and her mother (Jamie Lee Curtis) switch bodies after some kind of fortune cookie, Chinese restaurant juju is placed on them. Lindsay is forced to take on the persona of a middle aged soccer mom, Jamie Lee Curtis of a totally rad teen in a garage band. Remember the soundtrack? “Take Me Away,” was a good ass song. How many personas does Lilo have in this film? 2. Anna Coleman and Tess Coleman.
3. Confessions Of A Teenage Drama Queen
In Confessions Of Teenage Drama Queen is a lesser known Lindsay film because it is terri-bad with 13% critical reception on Rotten Tomatoes and features a pre-plastic surgery Megan Fox as the school mean girl. Lindsay plays Lola a girl who compulsively lies and fabricates stories to make herself interesting after moving from the big city to a small town where she has to compete for attention. Split personalities? Me thinks so. First of all “Lola” isn’t actually her character’s real name, it’s Mary Elizabeth Cep. Lola is the name she makes up for her new suburban persona as the movie begins “A legend is about to be born. That legend would be me.” To add to Lindsay’s multiple personalities there’s a play within a play, a modern Pygmalion, where Mary Elizabeth/Lola plays the lead “Eliza” in Eliza Rocks. How many personas does Lilo have in this film? 3. Mary Elizabeth, Lola and Eliza.
4. Mean Girls
There isn’t much new to say about Mean Girls because it is iconic and we all can quote the dialogue for days. But if you have any doubts that Lindsay Lohan’s Cady Heron isn’t just another duplicitous character think again. Throughout the film there is two Cadys. There’s Cah-dee and Plastic Cady. Basically regular Candy and Mean Cady. The two versions of the character are diametrically opposed. Cady is (Cah-dee) an invisible mathlete who doesn’t own a pink t-shirt and doesn’t know who Ashton Kutcher is. She has a strict moral compass and an, albeit sometimes naive, sense of maturity not found in her peers. However Mean Cady has a new closet of mini skirts and hair spray, she is willing to manipulate her friends, steal her friend’s boyfriend and poo-poo on her strongest friendships with Damien and Janis for popularity. Again Lindsay, in a slightly more subtle way, takes on the role of two different personas. How many personas does Lilo have in this film? 2. Cady (Cah-dee) Heron and Plastic Cady Heron.
5. I Know Who Killed Me
In perhaps the greatest film of all time I know Who Killed Me, Lindsay plays twins again. This time it signifies the end of Lindsay’s career, like some sort of cosmic explosion of irony. The film made $9 million on $12 million budget, so yeah, FLOPTASTIC. In this super strange, heavy handed horror film with a ton of “red” and “blue” imagery (one twin is red and one twin is blue!), Lindsay plays both Audrey Flemming and Dakota Moss. In a convoluted hot mess of a story one twin disappears, while the other experiences all the crazy things that are happening to the other twin’s body. On top of that the twins were separated at birth as per usual so when the “twin stigmata” (yes, that’s the real term) occurs and Lindsay’s finger tips start falling off because someone is chopping her twin’s finger tips off somewhere else—things get complicated and freaky. Needless to say, Lilo is playing two women again. How many personas does Lilo have in this film? 2. Audrey Flemming and Dakota Moss.
6. Labour Pains
In Labor Pains, a movie meant for theaters that was so bad they just aired it on tv, she plays Thea Clayhill a woman who pretends to be pregnant so she doesn’t get fired from her job. So again there’s two personas here: Regular Thea and Fake Pregnant Thea. This movie is unwatchable, not even so bad it’s good. I really watch a lot of Lindsay movies, sorry you guys have to experience this post because of it. How many personas does Lilo have in this film? 2. Regular Thea and Fake Pregnant Thea.