True Life: I Just Might Be Thirsty [Diary of the Undateable]

Whenever I like a guy – I mean really, really like a guy – I somehow lose all of my hard-earned, Howard-educated judgment and morph into a third grader. I draft potential text messages, get embarrassingly giggly when he calls and automatically lose sight of my web-based goals, opting to Facebook stalk him instead. In short, it’s pathetic.

Last month, I was telling my homegirl Tranessa about a crush that I had on some guy. As I gushed over the phone about his perfect smile, his perfect voice and his perfect social media presence, she interrupted me with an apt assumption.

“You probably already mind-married him, right?” she asked.

“Umm…or nah,” I lied. “I’m just saying though. He seems like a great guy.”

“Stop being so thirsty,” she sighed dismissively. I laughed and moved on, but still couldn’t help but wonder if I really was displaying thirst.

A few weeks later, I was rehashing Tranessa’s shady statement to my Scottish coworker at my internship as we sent off issues of the magazine to various VIPs across the country.

“Wait, what does ‘thirsty’ mean?” she asked as she sealed an envelope addressed to Jonathan Cheban. “That’s a new term for me.”

It was sort of difficult to explain what thirst really was because it’s such a multifaceted term. I’ve always thought that thirst was equivalent to longing – like the “butterflies in your stomach” syndrome that I was feeling for my crush. If you’re thirsty for a guy, it’s because you care. And what’s wrong with caring for someone?

That evening, I consulted with my BFF Bernard in Atlanta who broke it down as best as he could. The root of thirst comes from sexual desire or wanting to be desired physically. He gave me two examples of thirst. The first was his friend Jake. Jake would holla at any girl, anytime, any place. He had no standards whatsoever. And anything a girl said or did, Jake would turn it into innuendo and just make the situation uncomfortable on her part…for the sole purpose of trying to get lucky.

Then Bernard brought up one of his Instagram followers, @juicyjamaicaa. Nearly every evening, she’d post side shots showing her boyshort and bra-clad goodies for the entire world to see. Bernard said that @juicyjamaicaa once posted the same picture three times in one week just for the likes…but whenever someone commented with a compliment or a phone number, she’d ignore it. This, for the unaware, is called a “thirst trap.”

“So why do you follow her if she’s so thirsty?” I asked.

“Because she’s thick as hell and stays in Riverdale,” he replied instantly.

Sigh. Guess Jamaicaa’s not the only thirsty one in the equation. But according to Bernard, thirst is one-sided and unauthentic. It’s simply a ploy for attention and based off of attraction.

I asked Bernard if thirst could be a good thing – because after all, isn’t it an indicator of attraction?

“It only works if the other person is just as thirsty for you as you are for them,” he explained. “Me and my girlfriend are thirsty for each other. We send random messages to each other to get a response and make lame excuses to see each other.”

So at day’s end, I suppose that it’s subjective. Thirst is in the eye of the beholder. It’s definitely not a good thing, but it’s not a bad thing either. I guess it’s up to each individual to sip responsibly. Stay thirsty, my friends…I think.

CollegeCandy, what’s your take on thirst?

When she’s not watching for Blue Ivy sightings or doing some serious Facebook creeping, Khalea, a recent Howard University graduate, moonlights as a magazine intern and a freelancer in New York City. Follow her on Twitter at @letsbeKHAlear, or feel free to Twatch. Whatever works for you.

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