What’s His Deal: Anti-Monogamist, Bullsh*tter or Forward Thinker? Ask a Slut!

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Dear Slut,

I’ve been seeing this guy for a few weeks now and things have been going really well. I really like him, but there is one big issue that I am not sure I can move past. He doesn’t believe in monogamy.

He’s not one of those weirdos that wants a ten-wife harem, and he explained his views very clearly and logically to me, but I just don’t know if it’s something I can get on board with. Am I being closed minded? Maybe this is something I can learn to understand? I want to keep seeing him but I don’t know what to do. Help me, slut!

Sister Wife

Dear Sister Wife,

You are dealing with one of two guys. He is either the smart and deeply philosophical non-monogamist OR the asshole who wants to have a girl at home and be able to sleep with whomever he damn well pleases. In theory they both have the same belief systems and lifestyle, but in practice they are very different dudes. If you really like this guy you need to find out which one he is before you move forward.

How can you tell which guy he is? It’s harder to tell if a guy is the smart dude who just has his own beliefs BUT luckily it’s easy to spot if he is that “free love” douchebag who is going to give you gonorrhea. Here are some red flags you need to look for:

You may be seeing a shitty non-monogamist if:

-  He is an artist, musician or some other form of quasi homeless bohemian

-  He encourages you to explore your bi-sexuality and is REALLY into threesomes (with you and another girl but never the with another guy)

-  He likes to argue about philosophy and alienates innocent bystanders at social events with his views on how “marriage is bullshit”

-  He talks about “transparency” a lot but gets cagey when you ask him if he’s sleeping with other people

-  He wears fedoras

-  He says he’s a feminist

-  He unapologetically checks out other girls in front of you

-  He doesn’t want to date you because if you ever broke up he would “lose his best friend”

Believe me I’ve dated this guy, for YEARS, and trust me it won’t end well. Avoid him LIKE THE PLAGUE at all costs.

But, if your new guy isn’t the bohemian dick head then I wouldn’t jump ship so fast. First, I would do your homework to try and develop a more clear understanding non-monogamy. There is a fantastic book on the subject that makes compelling arguments for the lifestyle, READ IT, it’s called Sex at Dawn: How We Mate, Why We Stray and What it Means for Modern Relationships by Christopher Ryan and Cacilda Jetha. This should hopefully guide you in making an informed decision.

Also, think about this, even if you date somebody exclusively or even marry them it doesn’t guarantee they won’t cheat on you. You can’t own people and you can’t control what they do. Perhaps a relationship in which people are honest about their desires is healthier?

At the end of the day what it really boils down to is this — if you date this guy and he tells you he has slept with somebody else, will this crush you? If so, don’t do it. If not then maybe try it out. Just make sure he’s really a person who will respect you and that you aren’t doing this because you are a doormat.

Best of luck, sister wife,

Xoxo Bang Bang

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