It’s officially springtime! I live in Minnesota and once the weather finally gets above 40 degrees, you’d think I was so happy I could roll in my own poop. This is the best time of the year! Birds are tweeting! I love a fresh breeze between my legs and the smell of grilling season.
Life is good. It’s really good. Yes, despite even the weird things that happen throughout the day: awkward work happenings, tough meetings, waking up either hung over or too early, crying because you’re overly sensitive about things. Sometimes I have to remember the world is not out to get me; I’m doing just fine. I’m making the right decisions, never undervaluing myself and remembering everyone has problems. Especially Amanda Bynes; I mean shit.
See? Isn’t spring refreshing?
From one twenty-something to another, let’s renew.
Rule #57: In a small world, thank you cards are a big deal.
You’d be amazed; a small gesture in letter-form goes a long way. In a world bogged down by empty “LOL” text messages and typos in brief, pointless emails, a special and authentic “Thank You” (written in fine print) will put you ahead of the game.
Rule #58: Do your best and bat your eyelashes at the rest.
If you try your hardest, that’s all you can do. Don’t stress. Just look at that hard work and give it a wink.
Rule #59: Take care of your mother.
Moms may seem OK sometimes (and maybe you’ve never seen her cry) but they put up a maternal front for you. They’re lying through their teeth! For the benefit of your general well being, of course. Because seeing moms cry is terrifying. Go out of your way to hug and comfort her. Even if it seems like it’s for no reason at all.
Rule #60: If you get Starbucks everyday because “you deserve it” you’ll go bankrupt because “you deserve it.”
First of all, try to reward yourself less. Everyone could stand to be more humble. Second of all, treats aren’t treats if you’re treated every day. Pump the breaks on the iced-caramel-mochas-skim-only-light-on-the-ice-in-a-hot-cup, aight? You high maintenance diva.
Rule #61: If you have a baby, great! Wipe it off and clean up before posting a picture of it on Facebook.
Seriously. Cell phone cameras are getting really high-tech these days and nobody wants to see any bodily fluids encasing your baby on their newsfeed.
Rule #62: Even if your guilty pleasure is “The Wendy Williams Show,” give yourself at least 20 minutes of that trashy goodness a day.
Everyone deserves a daily treat. Those shameless guilty pleasures. Shoving the blow dryer down your pants on a cold winter day, indulging in your current favorite read, reading sex tips in Cosmo (in the grocery store, because you refuse to buy it), butter on the bagel, listening to Miley Cyrus on Pandora, using your Victoria’s Secret credit card so you can ‘worry about it later,’ having another Blue Moon, and then having one more, Googling pictures of Britney Spears during her ‘I’m A Slave 4 U’ days, binge eating cheez-its…the list goes on. Keep those shameless acts in your life.
Rule #63: Be an effin’ weirdo.
Amy Poehler says it best, “I get worried for young girls sometimes; I want them to feel they can be sassy and full and weird and geeky and smart and independent, and not so withered and shriveled.”