We need to talk about the best thing that ever happened in 2014. Rita Ora, bless her heart, #bless, ripped off Zac Efron’s shirt as he was accepting the award for “Best Shirtless Performance”for That Awkward Moment. Zac was in the middle of his speech, thanking us little people, then Rita came up from behind and did GOD’s WORK. Zac was saying,”Thank you so much guys, this is an awesome award. I don’t really know what to say but thank you. Thank you so much to my fans!” Then the Lord told him to STFU and show tits.
Zac promised us. The Gaia of the Earth was not having any broken promises.
In This Moment Rita Was Bestowed With The Hands Of God
And The Lord Said Zac Shall Be Like “Fuck It.”
And The Lord Said Thou Shall Squee
And The Lord Said Thou Shall Salute.
God bless America. Can we talk about the amount of testosterone, beef sirloin and Assassin’s Creed video games it must have taken for the angel-faced Zefron of High School Musical to become this Pygmalion-like creation designed to swoon straight women and queer men everywhere? How did this happen? It feels so good it hurts?
Can we talk about how Dave Franco clearly wore the same outfit at the MTV Movie Awards but Zac was like, “Nuh-uh.” Then he made him unbutton his shirt and put on a leather jacket. Can we talk about how they are obviously a couple in some sense of the term and share each other’s clothing and eyebrows? Can we talk about how their celebrity couple name should be “Efro” or “Francfro”? These are things we need to talk about. Think of the children! . . . That they would have together. It would be an army of sexy men with luscious eyebrows.