Want to Know the Secret to Great Sex? 10 Tips for Being On Top [Ask a Slut]

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ask-a-slut

Dear Slut,

I think I suck at being on top. I have been sleeping with a guy who really likes it and every time I do it I feel like he is disappointed. Maybe I am making it up in my head but I feel really self-conscious when I do it; like I am missing something.  Am I a dud on top? I feel like an idiot up there. Teach my the ways, slut!

Topsy Turvy

Dear Topsy Turvy,

I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but if a guy doesn’t look like he’s having a great time when you are on top of him, you probably suck. BUT it’s ok, there is hope; I used to suck at it too (and I don’t think we are the only ones). I think why it’s a bit of a learning curve for woman is because in all the other positions we are on the receiving end, we aren’t in control, but when you are on top you are running the show and it’s awesome, but physically and mentally a little intimating.

If it makes you feel better, I was SO BAD at being on top, my first boyfriend had to demonstrate how to do it for me by essentially dry humping a pillow. HUMILIATING.  I’ve learned a trick or two since the dry hump days and I have compiled it into a guide for you. Here are the top ten rules of being on top:

1. It’s not a race; you don’t need to go at mach speed. Pace yourself, not only are you going to get tired quickly if you try to jack hammer your way through it, you are also probably going to bore your partner.

2. Grind with your hips. You don’t just want to be going up and down, it’s not a pogo stick. Move backwards and forwards, bust out a circular motion, it will feel better for you too.

3. Stop worrying about what you look like. I know you feel self-conscious fully exposed up there but trust me — the guy likes what he sees. Don’t be afraid to make a show of it, he will appreciate it, I mean don’t go overboard but you are in a powerful position, act accordingly.

4. Use the headboard, or even better, do it on a couch. Being able to hold onto something will help you stay stable and bring your A game without worrying about falling over.

5. Make sexy eye contact, you’re a fucking minx.

6. Don’t be afraid to ask for help, having the guy hold your butt can help you guys keep in synch, plus who doesn’t like a handful of ass?

7. Two words: reverse cowgirl. You don’t want to be boring on top, pull that magic and you’ll be inducted into the bedroom hall of fame.

8. Don’t be embarrassed if you fall out of rhythm, acknowledge it, stop for a second and start again.

9. Do squats at the gym. You need to develop those muscles. I’m not saying start drinking protein shakes and running with weights on your legs, but a little extra curricular work outside the bedroom will better prepare you.

10. Study porn, those girls know a thing or two. Just observing it will give you a better idea of how to maneuver up there.

I hope these small pieces of wisdom are helpful. Don’t worry, practice makes perfect, you will be a rock star on top one day soon. By the way having orgasms on top as a woman are pretty incredible too. You’ll get there, now go hump your pillow.

Xoxo

Bang Bang

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