You’re Not A Real NYU Student Unless You’ve Done These 30 Things

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NYU is my alma mater and it has a special place in my heart. Never have I ever had such a bizarre experience that completely shaped me, educated me, made me a better person and simultaneously made me really bitter. Mostly, it’s just how much NYU costs ($63,000 a year now!) and how much President Sexton (who got a vote of no confidence) is stuck up his butt about it. Other than that I had a really great time getting to live in different New York City neighborhoods that I could never afford, seeing the city in a way I never could and having a unique college experience. NYU is different from other major universities. We don’t have a campus, we don’t have a party culture, Greek Life hardly exists and never would anyone dare show up to class in sweatpants and Ugg boots. NYU students have NYC as their campus, go to bars and clubs instead of frat parties, make fun of school spirit and take fashion a little too seriously sometimes.

NYU is a special kind of college and deserves a special kind of list. Think of these as an NYU rite of passage. Only when you complete this list of highly specific tasks and angst are you really an NYU student.

1. You’ve had your fake ID work at Off The Wagon.


2. You’ve had your fake ID confiscated at Le Poisson Rouge. 


3. You’ve drunkenly eaten at Pomme Frites, Momouns and Insomnia Cookies in one night.


4. You’ve participated in an unsuccessful student protest about the growing price of tuition fees.


5. You’ve awkwardly stared at a celebrity on campus.


6. You’ve reluctantly eaten at Chick Fil-A.


7. You puked at Third North.


8. You took “Writing The Essay.”


9. You’ve nearly thrown your computer out the window because Albert has the worst user interface in hard-to-use-college-websites history.


10. You got side-eye from the mean waiters at Dojos but ate there anyway because the food was super cheap.

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11. You’ve complained about the “lack of community.”

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12. You’ve danced to surfer rock at Home Sweet Home.


13. You wondered if the “5 shots for $10” at Continental was really serious.


14. You got the “5 shots for $10” at Continental and nearly died.


15. You ate at Two Bros dollar pizza while simultaneously making fun of everyone who eats at Two Bros dollar pizza. 


16. You’ve used the word “juxtaposition” five times in one day.


17. You had a miraculous fashion transformation from freshman year to senior year.


18. You’ve appealed your financial aid package.


19. You’ve wondered if Gem Spa really does have the “Best Egg Cream in NYC” and wtf an egg cream is?


20. You’ve gradually seen the Bobst Library staircase disappear.


21. You went to a “secret,” “exclusive,” “underground,” Brooklyn rave “that nobody else knows about” with 30,000 other NYU students.


22. You’ve given side-eye to the weirdoes who actually joined the NYU fraternities and sororities.


23. You knew about that one liquor store on Avenue B. that doesn’t card.


24. You were positively perplexed by Gallatin majors. “So you studied the history of soccer and evil in American history? Otay.” 


25. You thought everyone at Stern was ridiculous for dressing “business casual” to class.


26. But if you went to Stern you thought everyone else was making a huge, impractical mistake.


27. You knew Oren’s had the best coffee. 


28. You sadly took the NYU trolley from Gramercy, Lafayette or Greenwich Hotel.


29. You eventually ditched the dorm life for an apartment in Brooklyn.

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30. You didn’t know Steinhardt or Gallatin existed until after you were accepted into CAS.

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