A coworker asked me out a couple months ago, and I accepted. We went on a few dates and he seemed interested and told me he was. He put a lot of effort into the dates and would text me regularly. The last date went great and we seemed to have a lot in common and I really thought he may eventually be interested in moving forward.
All of a sudden, the texting stopped. We had plans to hang out one day and I never heard from him. A few days later, he told me he had some family issues come up and he was sorry, but never asked me out again.
He will still text me, here and there, and asks how I am doing, but he doesn’t put in the effort he used to. He keeps telling me he has been very busy.
My question is this: What happened? One week he is telling me he is interested and looking for a relationship, the next he is a ghost. I like this guy, is there anything I can do to pique is interest again?
Dear Working Overtime,
You’ve been office dating with this dude that led you to believe he wanted things to get serious. Then, he up and ghosts on you and all you get is the, “I’m really busy” line. And you want to know what to do to get him back. Think that covers it. Except, there’s nothing for you to do. Sorry, that’s the frustratingly simple face to face.
Unfortunately, this sorta thing happens more often than human decency declares it should. Right now, the ball’s in his court which isn’t fair but is the way it is. For anything to move forward you both have to be ready. He made you believe he’s ready but, for one or more reasons you may never know, he backed out. Is he an a-hole? Maybe? Does it totally screw with you? Absolutely. Is there something for you to fix? Probably not.
Whether he’s ready isn’t something you can control. It’s not anything you can have a direct effect on at this point. You’ve dated. You’ve gone the distance. He’s got to meet you halfway on this. The only option you’ve got left at your disposal is honesty.
All this doesn’t mean you don’t have power in the situation. You can go directly to him and say, “hey, what’s going on? You led me to think we were going this way but you’ve pumped the breaks and I don’t know why. Can you explain to me what you’re thinking?” Direct. Honest. You’ll get some results. Otherwise, you keep in touch but try not to expect too much.
You shouldn’t wait around worrying if a guy’s going to call you back. You’re better than that. Put in the amount of effort you think he deserves and if he can’t make the same kind of effort anymore then that’s the sign to let him go. For now. Maybe one day he’ll get his life straight and be ready. When he does he’ll come back to you and you’ll see if he’s still worth your time.
Act. Make an effort to get your answers or make an effort to move on.
[Got a Dude itch you just can’t scratch? Sick of trying to come up with a not-totally-crazy-girl way to bring it up to your guy friends and get their take on things? Totally over over-analyzing the cryptic messages he leave on your Facebook Wall? We got your back, girlfriend. Send your question over to askthedude [at] collegecandy [dot] com. The Dude won’t sugarcoat it, beat around the bush, or any other weird cliche that means lie to you. Like a nice, juicy hot dog, he’ll be 100% real beef, 100% of the time. So bring. it. on.]