“Is He Trying to Break Us Up Again?” [Ask A Dude]

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askadude

Dear dude,

My boyfriend and I have been together a little over 7 months. Recently, we broke up, but are working on things. He has been talking to this one girl a lot, though. I noticed he had been kind of flirtatious with her by saying he wanted to hang out and get close with her again. This really upset me, and I told him that.

I asked him to please stop texting her because it made me very uncomfortable. He got defensive, and asked, “Why don’t you let me have friends? It gets boring just talking to ONLY you, all the time.”

I told him I didn’t mind if they were friends, it’s just that she’s his ex, and he is trying to be alone with her. What should I do? Should I give up on trying to work on things?

Sincerely,

Confused

Dear Confused

You’re putting in the work but have you put in enough to call it quits? Getting through the tough times can be grueling. At times it feels like you’re putting up with a lot of s*it and there can come a point where you ask: “What am I doing all this for?” Especially when it feels like you’re the only one working at it!

There’s nothing wrong with him wanting to have friends. There’s nothing wrong with wanting to have more in his life than just you. It doesn’t mean he’s straying. It doesn’t necessarily mean he’s looking for a way to get out without having the guts to just ask you for a way out. It could be exactly what he says. Or we could live in the real world.

I get it on the one hand: an ex is a tough bond to break for good. You know there was something good there for a while. It’s something you might not want to lose touch with. So in that sense, being friends with an ex isn’t the most unreasonable thing to do. Except that the timing is just piss poor. When something’s still broken, why would you test its strength unless?

You’ve done your part. You gave him some straight talk about what’s up and what’s bringing you down. The rest is on him. Either he’s going to listen and take your needs into consideration or he’ll ignore you. It’s one thing to be defensive but it’s another to be act like a d-bag. Should you give up? The question is, how much more are you willing to put up with?

There comes a point where you’re hurting yourself so much to make something work that you have to face the fact that all the pain is going to prevent you from ever being happy. If you’re still asking yourself if it’s worth it, then it’s probably not. You’ve done enough.

Catch you on the flip side,

The Dude

[Got a Dude itch you just can’t scratch? Sick of trying to come up with a not-totally-crazy-girl way to bring it up to your guy friends and get their take on things? Totally over over-analyzing the cryptic messages he leave on your Facebook Wall? We got your back, girlfriend. Send your question over to askthedude [at] collegecandy [dot] com. The Dude won’t sugarcoat it, beat around the bush, or any other weird cliche that means lie to you. Like a nice, juicy hot dog, he’ll be 100% real beef, 100% of the time. So bring. it. on.]

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