This guy (with whom I share mutual college/sorority/frat friends) and I got back in touch with one another a few months ago (just catching up). Things seemed to be escalating when last week he actually said that he misses me and wants to visit me (we live 6 hours apart).
We’ve been texting more often since then, BUT, while that’s great, he replies to my texts 1.5 to 3 (!) hours later. He hasn’t bothered to call, either. So now I’m not sure he’s actually interested, and I’m not sure what to do about it. It’s hard to believe a guy misses you when he hardly makes an effort to exchange more than 3 texts in a night.
I’ve liked this guy for a long time, and my friend says that I should call him, but 1) I want him to take the initiative and 2) I’d have to be sure of his interest before actually calling.
What I really want to do is comment on his late replies to text messages, because I think it’s rude and inconsiderate– but I don’t want to sound needy. What should I do, if anything?
Too Old For This Crap
Dear Too Old For This Crap,
You like this guy you’ve known for a while and want to be certain that he likes you back. Sounds like the same song we’ve been playing for ourselves since puberty, right? There’s nothing worse than feeling like you’re the only one out on that limb. The fear of falling without somebody catching you can cause anybody to start looking for reasons to keep away from any risk. Which it sounds like is EXACTLY what you’re doing.
You’ve got a lot of evidence in your favor. He’s SAID he misses you and wants to see you more. You ARE talking more often. There are plenty of reasons that he could be take more than 90 minutes to respond to a text. Does he have a job? Or hobbies? Or any semblance of a life? Those can sometimes get in the way of a replying right away.
I understand wanting certainty but nothing’s certain. You’re scared of getting hurt. So, are you going to let that fear poison what you could have or beat it back to explore what you do have? Maybe you want him to take more initiative, but what if he’s not that kind of guy? What if he gets nervous making the first move? You’ve known him long enough, doesn’t that help him get around this curve? And so what if he doesn’t call much, maybe he sucks at being on the phone. Texting is the greatest gift to those who hate using the phone. I know plenty of guys who’ll text over talk, especially if they don’t want to risk saying the wrong thing.
You’ve got a chance to move things along but you’re looking for reasons to avoid taking even a baby step forward. Right now the biggest obstacle in your way of getting something more serious with this guy is you. Step aside. Stop looking for excuses to be mad at him or keep him at a distance. Seize the opportunity or let it go. Like it or not, you should step up and make the call. No matter what happens, you’ll be moving forward and taking control of your situation. That’s about the most certainty you can hope to have.
You ARE too old for this crap,
[Got a Dude itch you just can’t scratch? Sick of trying to come up with a not-totally-crazy-girl way to bring it up to your guy friends and get their take on things? Totally over over-analyzing the cryptic messages he leave on your Facebook Wall? We got your back, girlfriend. Send your question over to askthedude [at] collegecandy [dot] com. The Dude won’t sugarcoat it, beat around the bush, or any other weird cliche that means lie to you. Like a nice, juicy hot dog, he’ll be 100% real beef, 100% of the time. So bring. it. on.]