So my ex and I broke up, like, three years ago. Right now we are both in a relationship with other people. But he has honestly been on my mind for three whole years now. I often thought he hated me, but lately he’s been shooting me “looks” and his friends have been dropping hints that he’s into me even though he hasn’t said anything. From a guy’s point of view is he really into me? Or is he just playing mind games? Or want what he assumes he can’t have?
I’m clearly confused, and would like a guy’s point of view on this. Any ideas of what I should or shouldn’t do?
Dear feeling played,
You want to know what all of your ex’s mixed signals mean? I can’t possibly know because I’m not in his shoes. It could be he’s still got feelings for you. It could mean he wants what he doesn’t have. It could be you’re reading into this more than you should. It could mean nothing at all. It could be some combination of those. But I can’t read minds and I don’t have enough info to tell you what it all means, but I have a pretty good guess about what you want it to mean. You want to get back with him. The question really is this, what are you willing to do?
Feelings for your ex are tricky. Do you get over your ex? Sure. Do you move on? Sure. Do you miss them? Sure. Do you still sometimes wonder “what if” about them? Of course. Most everybody does. It’s not unusual and it’s definitely not unexpected. You still have feels for him and he’s got some kind of feels for you. Could be nostalgia but are they strong enough to act on them? Well, if he’s into you and does something about it then you know. If he doesn’t do anything then you know one of two things: he’s too scared or he’s not really into you. Either one isn’t appealing to be perfectly frank.
If you want an answer you can wait for him or you can make a move and ask him what’s up. Just tell him what’s what. Ask him what’s going on. He might not have his feelings sorted. He might just feel the pangs of what he used to feel. It could be jealousy. If he doesn’t know then you tell him you need him to decide quick because all of his “looks” aren’t helping you out.
Do make the first move. Don’t wait around for him to tell you what’s what. Do what you need to do to move on from where you’re at, because you’re stuck in Limbo.
Feelings for your ex can be toxic. They can trap you. You sound stuck. My advice is to make a move.
[Got a Dude itch you just can’t scratch? Sick of trying to come up with a not-totally-crazy-girl way to bring it up to your guy friends and get their take on things? Totally over over-analyzing the cryptic messages he leave on your Facebook Wall? We got your back, girlfriend. Send your question over to askthedude [at] collegecandy [dot] com. The Dude won’t sugarcoat it, beat around the bush, or any other weird cliche that means lie to you. Like a nice, juicy hot dog, he’ll be 100% real beef, 100% of the time. So bring. it. on.]