The female brain has many complexities men are always trying to figure out — hell, we’re trying to figure them out too! How we think, our motives, what we do behind closed doors — it’s all a mystery!
Well, here’s a little peak into our hard wiring. Behold six of every woman’s deepest, darkest secrets.
1. We Still Pass Gas in Public All the Time
Because we’re ladies and we’re supposed to not have any bodily functions, we’ve mastered the art of being sneaky. Women will walk out of a room to do absolutely nothing…but fart. Sometimes we don’t feel like getting up and leaving just to let one rip, so we’ll do it right there in front of you. You won’t hear or smell a thing.
2. We Pretend Not To See All the Calories in Alcohol
Some of us are on a new diet every week, others just like to be mindful of what we consume, but when it comes to alcohol all that shit goes out the window. We understand that the four margaritas are about 600 calories (roughly equivalent to two cheeseburgers from McDonald’s), we just don’t give a damn. We’re getting drunk!
3. We Touch Our Boobs
We act funny when you do, but we do it all the time. Most times touching our breasts isn’t sexual. It’s just something that happens. Just how guys sit around with their hands in their pants…we sit around with our hands under out shirts. Sometimes we play with them (again, get your mind out of the gutter) and it’s not weird at all.
4. We’ve Googled Your Entire Family
What you don’t know is that we’re all secret agents and have investigated you basically as soon as you said hello. When you tell us about that crazy thing your brother did in high school, we act like we’re just hearing it for the first time. We already knew. Its not that we’re obsessed or crazy, a girl just needs to know what she’s getting herself into before hand.
5. This Isn’t Our Real Face
Because Kim Kardashian is the Queen of Contouring and we all want to look like her. Makeup is a magical thing. It puts things there that aren’t normally, and takes away what usually is. Don’t believe me? Look at your girl before she fills in her eyes brows, then after. You’ll be amazed!
For some woman the difference between makeup face and real face isn’t too different, but other women become completely different people. No worries, you’ll never see it.
6. We’re Hairy Beasts
We don’t wake up every day of the week hairless and smooth the way to see us. It takes a lot of work and hair grows back like wildfire! We pluck out chin hairs in the car mirror, shave our armpits every other day and go get waxed (the most painful thing in the world aside form childbirth) every six weeks…mainly for you…and you have the audacity to complain when our leg hairs start growing back and get prickly…but I digress.