Personally, I prefer being in a relationship with someone I was friends with first because it provides a sort of security blanket. I already know a bit about his past and personality, maybe even had time to observe how he acts in a relationship. But falling for a friend is tricky business! There are no guarantees that you’ll end up with a dramatic, emotional kiss and a few kids a couple years down the line…but it’s hard not to wonder “What if?”
So what do you do? There are two routes you can take: keep mum on your feelings and wait till the feelings pass (if they ever pass!), or take a chance and speak up to see where things can go. If you choose the former, you can stop reading now, but if you’re gut is telling you to go for it there are a couple things you can do to make sure your more-than-friends intentions come across clearly (but not creepily!).
Evaluate the Situation
What is the likelihood that your feelings will be reciprocated? If you give it a try, will the friendship be ruined? Will this mess up the dynamic of the friend group? Does he know that you slept with Harry, Joe, Jake, and Thomas this semester? Do you know that he booty calls Mary every Friday night at one in the morning but avoids her at any other time?
There are things that you may know about each other that will seriously hinder whether or not feelings can grow into something fun for the time or into something more serious.
Make Yourself More Than A Friend
Become someone he can confide in instead of someone he just plays beer pong with. Ask him about his day and how school is going. Help him study for a test and cheer him on at his baseball games. By showing him that you care about his life outside of a social function, you’ll become someone he depends on and is emotionally attracted to.
Nurture The Physical Attraction
The days of him seeing you with crust in your eyes, wearing your retainer and passing gas are over! Change how he sees you so that you’re an actual woman to him not just that girl that’s awesome at Call of Duty (that’s some extra brownie points so don’t throw that away). Be playful and flirty with him, use tactful hand placement and body language. He’ll get the hint.
During conversation drop hints that you like someone, if he asks you who tell him its him. Or, casually slip in thing you admire and find attractive, all of which happen to be qualities he posses.
After some time of buttering him up, its time to put your big girl pants on and tell him plainly how you feel. Guys aren’t mind readers and be dumb as a sack of bricks. If it hasn’t come up by now, bring it up and see how the conversazione goes.
If you still need some help figuring out how to deal with the feelings you’ve developed for your friend, head to the movie theater this Friday, August 8th, for the release of “What If”. Starring Daniel Radcliffe as a hopeless romantic who’s been repeatedly burned, and Zoe Kazan, his not-so-single friend and love interest, the movie explores the complex relationship between two friends when one wants to become more. Watch the trailer below and ask yourself, “What if?”