Hello Kitty is not a cat. I’m not even trying to trick you by building up to the fact that she’s actually a snow leopard or an arctic fox or something else white with pointy ears. Nope. Christine R. Yano, curator of the Japanese American National Museum in LA’s Hello! Exploring the Supercute World of Hello Kitty exhibit, sat down with a reporter from the LA Times to clear up our Hello Kitty misconceptions.
Here’s what you should know about everyone’s favorite non-cat:
Hello Kitty is actually a human girl.
Her full name is Kitty White.
She’s a third-grade student from the suburbs of London.
She actually has her own pet cat, Charmmy.
Her birthday is November 1st (she is a Scorpio).
Her parents are George and Mary White.
She has a twin sister, Mimmy.
Okay, so this is cool and all, but is anyone else still wondering how THIS is a little girl? Right now my best theory is that she’s a human, as these alleged experts say, but she’s dressed as a cat. Girl in a cat costume. That’s the closest thing to a plausible explanation as we’re going to get. I never took an anatomy class in college, and I don’t purport to be a doctor, but I also don’t think I’m speaking out of line when I say human girls do not have tails and whiskers and ears on top of their heads. That is simply not science.
If anyone else has a theory that explains Hello Kitty and her feline qualities, please shed light where you can. I’ll be at home sorting through Sanrio products from the 90s trying to figure out where my human-detecting instincts failed.