I studied abroad for a year and spent nearly the entire year dating someone from the country. We broke it off at the end but have kept in touch. Its been 3 years since and we still keep in touch, although in recent months we have gotten more intimate in our conversations, and I know he is definitely still sexually attracted to me and thinks of me time to time. He actually initiates quite a bit of our conversations. I am moving abroad either to his country or South Korea but I can’t help but feel influenced by him. Does it seem like he wants to get back together if we only lived nearby? He has even implied if he saw me again he would want to be intimate.
Love across the pond
Dear Love across the pond,
That’s the most polite and genteel way to talk about sexy time that I’ve ever read in this column. Besides that adorableness to your question, it all really comes down to my question: What if he weren’t in the picture? You want to know if this guy’s worth choosing moving to one country over another for. Well, which country would you choose if he wasn’t around to complicate your choice?
Imagine this scenario: You move to the country that this guy lives in. Except you never see him. Like, for the rest of your life you just never cross his path. Would you still be happy living in that country instead of in South Korea? Would it you pick it over South Korea regardless of this guy? If the answer’s, “Yes” then you should go there anyway. If the answer’s, “No,” then you should move there just for him. That’s too big of a risk for too farfetched a reward.
You shouldn’t move somewhere for a guy you’re not really involved with. You’re jeopardizing too much for something that you can’t count on. I know that the possibility is appealing but you haven’t gotten a commitment from him. I’m a hopeless romantic at heart. I really am. And I can see the romance in moving somewhere because you believe something is going to work out. Couples make choices to move for their partners every damn day. But you’re not a couple. You don’t have the obligation to entertain that choice. You haven’t been given enough to make that choice. So make the actual choice you’re being presented with.
Go to the place that’ll be best for you and what you want to do with your life. If it happens to be where he is then great and see what happens. If not, why can’t things keep going the way they have been? Skype works most everywhere these days.
Go where your heart AND head lead you,
[Got a Dude itch you just can’t scratch? Sick of trying to come up with a not-totally-crazy-girl way to bring it up to your guy friends and get their take on things? Totally over over-analyzing the cryptic messages he leave on your Facebook Wall? We got your back, girlfriend. Send your question over to askthedude [at] collegecandy [dot] com. The Dude won’t sugarcoat it, beat around the bush, or any other weird cliche that means lie to you. Like a nice, juicy hot dog, he’ll be 100% real beef, 100% of the time. So bring. it. on.]