Why must women be subjected to the monthly torture that is Mother Nature? For 5 days every month (that’s approximately 16% #math), you’re on an emotional roller-coaster that you have to be in total control of or forever fear being called “crazy” just because you burst out sobbing at a animal shelter commercial. While outwardly you’re trying to play it cool, the thoughts running through your head during that time are anything but sane.
1. Not again! Weren’t you just here?
2. No wonder my jeans were a bit snug this morning.
3. Just bloated. Definitely wasn’t the 16 mozz sticks I ate.
4. Flowy dress day, for sure.
5. On the bright side: not pregnant.
6. Guess I’ll dig out those old undies.
7. Is this a good enough reason to skip class?
8. Ugh, no, male teacher. He’ll never understand how lucky he is.
9. At least I don’t have any cramps.
10. Wait. Never mind. Ow.
11. LIKE SERIOUSLY OW CAN’T MOVE.
12. I’ll just be laying here in fetal position if you need me.
13. Hope boyfriend doesn’t mind if we just stay in tonight because I feel gross.
14. Except we can’t have sexy time.
15. Even though I feel pretty horny.
16. Of course you come the day before I have plans to go to the water park.
17. I need ice cream.
18. And chocolate.
19. Can I get ice cream delivered?
20. Why won’t my mom answer my text? It’s been like 4 minutes.
21. HOW DARE SHE RESPOND WITH “K.”
22. I need to just nap for the next 3-5 days.
23. I’ll just settle in for this Grey’s Anatomy marathon.
24. Oh my God, I can’t believe he died. Like, I’ve seen this episode before but it’s so sad this time.
26. Why am I crying?
27. I think it might be over.
29. Guys have it so easy.
30. The only thing worse than this is actually giving birth.