I’m what people might consider a “party girl.” I like going out, drinking, and dancing, and I’m kind of known for that amongst my friends. One problem: I think my good time habits are keeping me from having a meaningful relationship. I know I can be faithful to a guy and still have a good time! Why do guys avoid the party girls?
– Bar Closer
Dear Bar Closer,
So you consider yourself a “party girl.” To be honest, that is fantastic! I say this on behalf of most guys out there: we are incredibly infatuated with party girls. We like them; no, we love them. We love to hang out with them, dance with them, drink with them. We love how they make us feel when we are with them, and we love the looks other guys give us when they see us with them. To us, a party girl is the embodiment of everything we think we want and need. You are bold, confident and energetic; you are beautiful and you are sexy, you are mysterious and to some degree, dangerous. We are enticed by this danger, finding thrill and excitement within it. If you were a guy, you would be our best friend. Yet in some ways you’re better than our best friend because you have boobs, and we like boobs.
Although it may appear I have digressed, I have merely stated the adoration guys have for the party girl, whether we are able to admit it to ourselves or not. It is here that we face a conflict, one that is deep within us. While unwritten, it has been reinforced many times over in movies, music, books, and television shows that there are two types of girls in life: the kind you date and the kind that you bring home to meet Mom. As unfair as this may sound, it is this conflict which has handicapped our own ability to see the party girl as anything other than a good time. You say you can be faithful and have a good time and for that I believe you, I truly do.
Unfortunately, due to double standards and this “hook up” culture we live in, the odds are stacked against you, making it harder for a girl to go out, have a few drinks, dance on a bar, and not be judged and labeled. Expectations are falsely set and one cannot conceive that these two women are one in the same. We are encouraged to seek out a girl possessing all the stereotypic characteristic of perfection and discouraged to not date the party girl, by being feed the idea that they cheat and cannot stay faithful. It is this concept of infidelity that scares us; we are incredibly jealous and territorial, even if that doesn’t appear to be the case. This fear clouds our judgment and clouds our vision, the vision of girl that could be our best friend, the one that we love to be around, and the one that may indeed be our soul mate. Maybe it is our own inability to see our moms dancing on a bar stool that is clouding our judgments, for that I cannot be certain.
It is here that I leave you with a question. A question you must ask yourself first, in order for any of my advice to be of use. Do you think it is your “party habits” that have gotten in the way of you having a meaningful relationship? Or do you think that it is the fear of losing out on your bar closing ways that have stopped you from committing to someone that may have turned into something meaningful? Only you can answer this question, but once you have, if it is the first that is your answer, I can tell you that all is not lost.
I do truly believe that you can maintain your party ways and still have a meaningful relationship; here are some help full tips:
1. Find a friend who you like to dance with, who you like to drink with, who you like to talk to at the bar or at the lounge, a friend who makes you laugh just as much as you make him laugh, and most importantly, a friend who you like just as much when the bar lights come on, than when they are dimmed.
2. Hang out with this friend during the day, get coffee watch movies play games and sports, and other activities that are just as fun in the day as they are at night.
3. Kiss that friend, hold him tight like you would never let him go, and if he kisses you back, like I know he will, you will have found that relationship, and with that a guy to help close down that bar with you.
I have faith that you will break the mold. Faith that you will show the world that you can shut down a club, and hold down a meaningful relationship at the same time. Good luck, Bar Closer, as the Duchess of bar stools and Queen of the club, I wish you my best.
[Got a Dude itch you just can’t scratch? Sick of trying to come up with a not-totally-crazy-girl way to bring it up to your guy friends and get their take on things? Totally over over-analyzing the cryptic messages he leave on your Facebook Wall? We got your back, girlfriend. Send your question over to askthedude [at] collegecandy [dot] com. The Dude won’t sugarcoat it, beat around the bush, or any other weird cliche that means lie to you. Like a nice, juicy hot dog, he’ll be 100% real beef, 100% of the time. So bring. it. on.]
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