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15 Signs He’s A Total F*ckboy

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Dating can be exhausting. Unfortunately, relationships just don’t work out in real life like how they did for Ross and Rachel (or Lizzie and Gordo, if early 2000s Disney is more your style). Despite everything we’ve learned on TV, the hot-yet-secretly-deep-and-scholarly quarterback has never dumped the beautiful blonde cheerleader and showed up at our doorstep, and our adorably clumsy best friend has never secretly been in love with us our whole lives. Sadly, real life is nothing like the clichéd teenage angst movies we always dreamed it would be. Thanks for the unattainably high standards, John Hughes.

In fact, real life dating is more like watching everyone around you date successfully while you’ve found a suitable long-term partner in pizza. It seems like, despite the fact that all your friends have awesome boyfriends, every guy you know just doesn’t cut it; and you eventually start to wonder if you’ll every find someone who won’t waste your time. Well, we feel you and we’ve all been there.

That’s why we put together a list of tell-tale signs that will tell you whether or not the guy you’re about to go out with is a total f*ckboy. Never waste your time deciphering the real meaning behind a text or being sent a weird amount of eggplant emojis again. *shudder*

1. He doesn’t want pictures of the two of you to be on social media.

AKA he doesn’t want other girls to find out he’s taken.

2. He checks out other girls when you’re around.

Dude, really? I’m right f*cking here.

3. He doesn’t want you to meet his friends/He refuses to meet your friends.

Perfectly normal if you’re a complete a**hole!

4. He’s posted multiple shirtless selfies on Instagram (or worse-Facebook).

Why is this still a thing?

5. He considers himself to be a #menanist.

Has Beyonce taught him nothing?

6. He only texts you back when he knows you’re unavailable.

REALLY?!

7. He uses words like “sl*t” and “wh*re”.

Just… no.

8. He calls anything besides action movies “chick flicks”.

You can catch him at the opening night of Final Destination 15 in thirty years.

9. He calls all his exes crazy.

And will probably call you crazy… eventually.

10. He wears band t-shirts but doesn’t know any of the members.

“Who’s Kurt Cobain?”

11. He thinks crying is only for weak men.

Get over yourself!

12. He says he doesn’t like women who wear too much makeup.

Tell that to this cut crease.

13. He only drinks Monster energy drinks and Red Bull.

Gross.

14. He calls an argument between women a “catfight”.

*Insert eye roll emoji here.*

15. He wears tube socks with slides.

We all know a guy.

*Bonus*

His middle name on Facebook is any variation of “kush,” “swag,” or “your boy”

Spare yourself the trouble, ladies. Don’t date a f*ckboy.

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