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The World’s Oldest Person Says The Secret To A Long Life Is Staying Single

Emma Morano

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When you deal with as many f*ckboys as I have, you start getting grey hairs when you’re 19 years old. It’s a sad truth, I know, but if there’s one thing I learned from the dating scene, it’s that it’s definitely cutting my time on Earth short. If you haven’t experienced this truth firsthand, take it from Emma Morano, the oldest person in the world. Today is her 117th birthday, and she credits her impressive longevity to staying single, staying in and going to bed early.

Praise
Needless to say, Morano is our kind of woman. Not only is she a brandy-drinking Italian woman who’s managed to not let the D control her life, but she’s also believed to be the only person alive who has witnessed three centuries. Born in 1899, Morano has also been single and living alone since 1938, when she left her abusive husband following the death of her infant son.

“I didn’t want to be dominated by anyone,” she told the New York Times earlier this month. Because of it, she decided to never settle down with another husband despite having countless suitors take her out. She’s also been eating two raw eggs a day since she was 20 years old, so basically she’s the real life Gaston.

“I eat two eggs a day, and that’s it,” she said in a recent video. “And cookies. But I do not eat much because I have no teeth.” Noted. As expected, doctors are bewildered by Morano’s resilience.

“We’re all thinking that Emma is eternal, because despite everything she always recovers,” Morano’s doctor, Carlo Bava said, “and quite easily, I might add, including when she was quite unwell. But when she is well, she really is well.”

Yeah — it’s because she has no time for f*ckboys. Happy birthday Emma! You’re a freakin’ legend.

 

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