Do you hear what I hear? No, not the sound of sleigh bells ringing or children laughing gleefully as they frolic in the snow. Not Santa’s hearty laugh or the sound of lovers ice skating.
It’s something else.
“Kim, stop taking pictures of yourself, your sister is going to jail!” Kris Jenner screams as their black SUV careens towards a Los Angeles jail and Kim Kardashian poses for a selfie. Ah, the sounds of the holidays.
For a large portion of the 21st century, the Kardashian/Jenner family has become infamous for their contribution to extravgance. They somehow simultaneously represent family and gaudy glitz. They are a hyperbolic version of ‘keeping up with the Joneses,’ if the Joneses asked both Donald Trump and Jaden Smith to style them and decorate their house.
And isn’t that what the holidays are all about? Those memories made with family and the joy of having everyone together. One of the greatest ways to commemorate this sense of kinship is to create a Christmas card, and as usual, the Kardashians are infamous for their interpretations of Christmas cards, always adding their natural sense of over-the-top glamor to their annual tradition, which, in our case, must have gotten lost in the mail.
Well, ’tis the season once again! Though this year it doesn’t seem as though a kard is in the works for the scandal-ridden reality stars, there have been plenty of Christmas card creations to look back on, all pretty ridiculous but all in the true spirit of the holidays.
Merry Christmas to all, and to all a good million-dollar contract with the E! Network!
Looking at this Christmas card is like asking a dog to run around a Las Vegas-themed dog park: sensory overload. Though the card could be described as anything but subtle, there is some merit to be gained from this card’s hidden commentary about capitalism, fame and the nature of family in the scope of celebrity.
This Christmas card was a lot more traditional and simple and truly very cute. This marked Penelope’s first appearance in a family Christmas card and Rob Kardashian‘s last, which is strangely poetic.
Kanye West also seems to be making a sly appearance here in the form of the cat located to the left of Scott Disick‘s loafer. The cat is named Mercy and was a gift from West to Kim Kardashian when they first started dating, named after his song “Mercy.” West himself has never been in a family holiday portrait but the cat’s presence counts.
This card inspires a lot of questions. What animal is on Kendall’s shoulders? Why is Mason dressed like a mob boss? What Photoshop genius did that to Lamar’s head? Is this Kylie Jenner‘s first Facetune experience?
If it didn’t have us talking and asking questions, it wouldn’t be the Kardashian family. Always with the kontroversy.
The overall theme of this card is hilarious. According to E! (and why would E! ever be wrong about anything having to do with their main breadwinners?) the biker-motif of this photo shoot came from the Kris’ holiday gift to Caitlyn (née Bruce). This seems very enthusiastic on the part of the whole family, but Kim’s face says otherwise. Luckily Kim’s dedication to leather jackets did not falter after this ’90s photo was taken.
This is also an adorable representation of their extensive family. Seriously. These people are related to everyone who has ever appeared on a reality show.
The new generation in all of their glowing glory. They are not only extremely cute but they are also more well-dressed than most grown adults. Seeing this card is sad in that this could be recreated in 2016 with the welcome additions of Dream Kardashian and Saint West, but for now, just bask in how adorable it is.