The 5 Strangest People You See At Every NYE Party

NYE party stereotypes funny

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The night has come. It’s the last night of 2016 (thank God) and it’s time to ring in 2017. The champagne has been popped, the dresses are all blindingly sparkly and everyone has selected who exactly will be their first kiss of the new year. It seems like countdown has barely begun.

Take a look around. There are so many important and life-changing people to bring into the new year… And then there are the weird, wild people that are always at the party claiming to be friends of friends. A toast to the people whose invites are questionable, who actions are even more questionable and who are, without question, always kind of there.

champagne

These are the five people who always seem to pop up at every New Year’s Eve party.


1. The guy who wore a Hawaiian shirt as a joke.

hawaiian shirt

He thought it would be hilarious. Everyone was supposed to dress up and he decided to tuck a Hawaiian shirt into khakis as a joke. Nobody’s really laughing, but he is certainly happy with himself. He is most likely drinking a Natty, yelling about body shots (holding up a bottle of Malibu rum that isn’t even his… Yikes) and will inevitably throw up in the bushes before offering to buy everyone pizza. He means well.


2. The girl who is inexplicably crying.

kim-kardashian

She is probably dressed up but maybe has a broken heel and/or lost purse. She refuses to answer anyone as to why she is sobbing on the couch and mournfully moaning about life in the bathroom but does have a slightly protective friend who keeps getting distracted. She occasionally answers her phone to scream but will hopefully recover by midnight. She stops crying when a Justin Bieber song comes on, getting up and screaming, “I LOVE HIM!” but will go back to sobbing when it’s over.


3. The creepy guy who is on the hunt for a New Year’s kiss.

rejected

He’s the host’s cousin so everyone is forced to tolerate him but don’t worry, he will probably get kicked out for attempting to kiss said host’s girlfriend. This guy is wearing one of those pinstriped vests with a bow tie and when any girl enters he asks, “Where’s my hug?” His hugs are in hell. He is pretty annoying but occasionally will abandon the thinly-veiled, fragile facade of his obligatory masculinity to reveal a more vulnerable side.


4. The couple who will not chill with the PDA.

pda

Will they do it on the couch? Will they do it in the house? Will they do it on the stairs? Will they make out everywhere? Truly nobody knows who either of these people are but they keep smiling joyfully and making out and nobody can pull them apart to even ask them where they came from or why they’re here. They will probably leave before midnight to go home and make uncomfortable jokes as they exit, as though they took enough time to breathe for air, let alone to make new friends.


5. The girl who really wants you to know that 2017 will be her year.

mariah

She is wearing her sparkliest dress, her highest heels and one of those big, gold necklaces that has her name written in cursive letters. She is talking about “growth” and “self-esteem” as she is downing a bottle of Veuve that she bought with Christmas money because she deserved it, damn it! She offers to help you with your makeup (you didn’t ask) and also tells you that she has been thinking about expanding her “brand” by starting a YouTube channel for her 3,000 Instagram followers to check out.

Louis BaragonaCOLLEGECANDY Writer
Brooklyn-based writer and editor who is probably eating Mexican food and yelling something about feminism, the Kardashians and finding the perfect highlighter.
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