Getting over an ex is never easy. It’s not supposed to be. But life goes on and we eventually go our separate ways and find love again.
But what do you do when you find out your partner still talks to their ex? You might think your SO is being kind… Or jump to conclusions and assume the worst. There’s no exact science to figuring out if an ex is still making a dreaded appearance in your lover’s life. Here are ten helpful signs that will prove whether or not your partner is still in love with their ex.
1. They constantly talk about their ex.
There’s an unspoken rule for talking about former flames: You just don’t. When you do, it just sounds as though you’re comparing your past relationship with your current one. No one likes being the rebound in a relationship, nor do they want to feel like they settled for less. Treat every new relationship like a clean slate.
2. They never talk about their ex.
Stay with me here. While it’s taboo to talk about your ex, it’s still important that you tell your partner that you have someone in your past. A one-time mention is perfectly fine and healthy in order to build trust. If someone is really over their ex, they should feel comfortable enough to talk about it once and put it behind them.
3. They get emotional around their ex.
Relationships are very emotional affairs. It’s impossible to truly cut all ties with someone we know so intimately. However, there’s a level of composure your partner should be able to maintain when around their ex. If it looks like they have strong regrets from their last relationship, chances are they’re not completely over their ex.
4. They’re still close friends with their ex.
Does your partner suddenly get defensive of their phone during a date? Or do you notice they still spend a substantial amount of time hanging out with their ex? Some exes can go back to being friends, but more often than not some “between the sheets” action might be happening behind the scenes. If your partner tries to hide that they still hang out with their ex, end it now.
5. They compare you to their ex.
Do they talk about how your cooking is better? Or that they’re so much happier with you? Even if it’s a happy comparison, it’s really just a trap. We don’t think of it much, but they’re unconsciously comparing you with their ex and how they made them feel. If it turns negative, get out ASAP.
6. They still have their ex’s belongings.
Maybe it’s a small thing like a forgotten t-shirt or that phone charger they always kept plugged into the wall. Maybe they forgot an old comb in the bathroom or a book on the vanity. The fact that they still have it means part of them can’t let go of the owner.
7. They cyberstalk their ex.
Stalking might be too strong a word, but when your partner knows exactly what’s going on in their ex’s life, that’s a problem. Even though social media might unintentionally tell them what their ex is up to, they shouldn’t be consciously looking them up. Lately, Facebook even has an option to stop seeing updates from certain people like exes. In short, your partner has no excuse.
8. They still do their ex favors.
And no, NOT sexual favors. That would be too easy. It could be simple like offering to walk the dogs or driving them to the airport. The fact that they feel some sort of obligation to their ex means that they still care.
9. They jumped into a relationship with you.
Getting over someone takes time. It takes a while to compartmentalize every emotion and memory with a person. When you date someone new you want to start on a brand new slate. If your partner immediately started a relationship with you after their last one ended, chances are that you’re the rebound.
10. They hide your relationship from the world.
When your partner feels uncomfortable with posting photos of you together on Facebook or doesn’t like holding hands in front of their friends, that’s a blatant red flag. Don’t be the backup plan to their love story. A healthy relationship means that you’re both comfortable in each other’s social circles. Let your ex eat their heart out
Even if you don’t see all of these reasons, trust your intuition. If you have a hunch that your significant other might not be fully committed to you then go with your gut. Sometimes there’s no explanation for how you feel. If you’re uncertain, bring it up with your partner. Hopefully, everything can be sorted out in the end, even if that means you mend the relationship or end it there.