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I am not an outgoing person. Sure, I can hold a conversation from time to time, but you’ll rarely see me start one.
Introverts can be described as very inward people. We love having time to ourselves, but that doesn’t mean we hate other people. There’s a stigma attached to the word that makes us hard to talk to or awkward to approach. But it’s not like we hate talking to people. We’re just not huge fans of small talk or huge social events. Other introverts might even feel extremely uncomfortable with some conversation topics. So how do you break the ice with an introvert? With some patience and the right topics.
Here are a couple conversation starters and tips for the next time you try to approach an introvert.
Animals
Everyone has something to say about animals. Maybe you binge-watched episodes of Dogs 101 or maybe you have an obsession with sloths. Maybe you have an allergy to fur so you had to lookup hairless breeds. Even if introverts are a bit averse to human interaction, we’re still drawn to cute animal videos on YouTube. Opening up by talking about pets is usually a safe topic for introverts to get into.
Also, curse you, Sarah McLachlan, for all your sad animal commercials.
Travel Plans
Nothing makes me smile more than imagining my dream trip to Europe. Even if I’m a clumsy speaker, I find myself open to talking about how I want to visit Venice before it sinks under the ocean, or how I want to talk a walk through a Parisian marketplace. Try it.
Food
Regardless of whether or not you’re outgoing or incredibly shy, everyone has something to say about food. You can talk about that hole-in-the-wall cafe you found on your way to work or the best place to get soup dumplings in Manhattan. Seriously, who doesn’t love talking about food?
Goals and Aspirations
You’ll have to be careful not to dig too deeply, but asking about someone’s goals and passions is a good way to loosen them up. Focus on listening to their interests more than interjecting with your own goals. You might find that you share similar hobbies.
A Funny Story
You might get a mixed reaction on this one. You’ll be carrying the conversation most of the time and it’s up to you to notice any behavioral cues. The introvert might not have much to say or add to your story, but if we respond with laughter or a smile, then you’re on the right track. Just remember not to expect a story from them. We’ll open up when we want to and we’ll really appreciate it if you respect that.
There’s a rule above all others when talking with introverts: never go in expecting them to change. You are not talking with them to make them more outgoing and talkative. You’re not getting to know them to change them. Being an introvert doesn’t mean we are broken or in need of help. We just like different things at different levels. Getting to know us is like a game of give and take. Give us our space from time to time and then you can take away a conversation or two once in a while. It’s all about balance.
