Seven years. I’ve had seven years of awkward firsts, from hand-holding to weird Wiki searches of bedroom antics. My relationship used to be heralded as #relationshipgoals by my friends. We were the most chill couple and never really fought to the point of breaking up. It makes you wonder how and why we broke up in the first place.
But this isn’t an article about how and why I broke up with my boyfriend. It’s more of the rough aftermath. The cliched “picking up the pieces” kind of story that I’ve been wanting to get off my chest for a while. And it begins with Snapchat.
I’m sure you’ve all have had a Snapchat streak with someone. You exchange snaps with someone within 24 hours and hope to God you don’t break that long-standing streak. Well, I somehow made it to 100 with my ex and it’s still going strong. It was a long and difficult run, but I think it helped me get some closure and accept my fears.
Bear with me that I screenshotted normal texts since Snapchat tells the other person if you saved a picture and I definitely did not need that. Here’s how a Snapchat streak helped me close the book on my seven-year relationship.
The first month was a struggle, to say the least. Truth be told, we didn’t really tell our friends that we broke up. Despite the circumstances, we could still agree that it would be funnier to let them find out rather than kill the mood with the news. Embarrassingly enough, my Snapchat story was filled with videos of me getting drunk at home while bingeing Buzzfeed and LetsPlay videos on YouTube and “feel good” selfies just to hide how emotionally dead I was inside. I’m proud, though. I looked good considering that was less than a week after the breakup.
My ex was the one to message me first. You know, checking if I was “okay” or making sure I wasn’t going to wake up on some rooftop in Vegas like The Hangover. I didn’t know how to feel. I was happy he still cared enough to check on me, angry that he was only caring now, after we broke up, and confused about if I should still hold out some kind of hope for a relationship.
But no. I had to accept that it was over. I had to believe I would feel better if I just accepted it. Oh, the struggle.
Before you question it, we had weird nicknames for each other and “poop” was just one of them.
Now that I was a bit more mentally stable, I had some time to think. Now that we stopped calling each other or using Skype, I realized just how much time I set aside for my ex. There was a huge gap in my days where I’d be bored out of my mind. Boredom breeds loneliness. So, what does this girl do?
I became a bartender.
I needed a job and you all know the struggle of a recent grad on the job market. I studied alcohol even harder than my own textbooks (my professors would have been proud). I even started working out again. My ex got pretty interested in my new Snap stories about my progress and our Snapchatting increased. We started to remember how to be friends again instead of lovers.
Confusion and I became best friends around this time. All the progress I’d made before was thrown out the window. My bartending job was extremely stressful, so I resorted to venting to my ex. I leaned on him for support more than a friend should. What can I say? I was desperate and in a dark place. The snaps I sent him were mostly complaints or admissions of how depressed I was feeling. Luckily he didn’t take advantage of the situation and just stayed supportive. I wish I saved those snaps.
But then things got complicated with his friends. I started to get weird texts from his phone saying “he’s not comfortable” and whatnot. I had a feeling that something was off about the messages, but what would I even get out of clarifying it? Sure, it hurt reading the message, but it’s not like we were dating anymore anyway. I almost broke our Snap streak just so I wouldn’t have to deal with his territorial friends. Apparently, no one likes it when you’re friends with your ex. But when you’re this deep into a Snap streak, you don’t want to be the one to break it.
And now we come full circle. Just when I thought our relationship was steady, alcohol reared its ugly head again. His Snap stories would show him partying somewhere or stumbling around campus. It was hilarious to see and made it easy to reply with Snaps of my own from work. Drunk texts weren’t anything new during our time apart, but my ex never really talked about our old relationship until now. I was so tempted to dig deeper into this conversation. What denial? What’s missing? Why do you only say these things when you’re trashed?
Instead, I just told him to go date again.
A part of me still regrets not asking, but the logical side of me says otherwise. It’s not good to dwell on the “what-ifs” and “maybes.” I stopped doing it and it definitely helped me get closure with my relationship. Believe me when I say that you need some sort of closure when you’ve been in a relationship as long as I have. If you feel like something is missing in your life, try to fill it up. Preferably with something other than alcohol (says the bartender).