"Just smile through the pain. Smile. Through. The. Pain."

I’m not sure if I’ll be able to make it here another two weeks. I may kill myself. Or someone else.

I say this because yesterday I was forced to do a mini-triathalon. I’m not sure if I’ve ever endured greater agony than what I just experienced. Alright, that’s sort of an overstatement, but it really was incredibly effing hard. I could use a nap right about now. Until next Tuesday.

Since my last post (and weigh-in) I’ve lost at least 7 pounds. A couple nights ago I looked at a picture taken of me the night before I came here and one taken the other day and I saw really exciting results. I’ve definitely halved myself (at least in the stomach area).

Other discoveries since this last weigh-in:

Chocolate. There is a stock-pile of mini chocolates in camp and I’ve been exposed to it. The good news is that when I do get my hands on some cocoa deliciousness I share it with my bunkmates, since many of us tend to go into homicidal rampages when we don’t get something sweet or chocolatey. And because of all the other good choices I’ve been making, I’ve still lost weight. Go me!

I Hate Hiking. Yesterday I experienced my first hike here, and let me tell you, a bunch of fat chicks trying to climb up a mountain is pretty terrible. And funny. I did make it up that mountain, though, without even whining. It was a miracle! But I still hated it.

I’m Tired and Angsty. I find it increasingly hard to write these posts due to extreme exhaustion. The main cause is workout classes taught by former female bodybuilders. No, I am not kidding. Despite our fatness, they don’t cut us any slack. One would think that because we are out of shape they’d go easy on us, but no – not at all. These things make me so tired that I can’t even produce sufficient sarcasm and humor in these posts anymore. And sarcasm and humor are what I do – unlike the bitterness and constant complaining I find myself engaging in here.

But it will all be worth it in the end. I’m learning new things and changing my life, right? RIGHT?

Having now survived a full week of fat camp, I think I can safely say that I probably have never worked as hard in my life as I have since I got here. I’m incredibly out of shape (which adds to the difficulty), and it’s been a big change for me. It’s been a good change, however; I needed to get out of my comfort zone.

Prior to this, my comfort zone entailed usually half-heartedly participating in team sports and eating bad food. Here I cannot and do not get to do either of these things. The biggest issue for me has probably been waking up early to do a three mile walk each morning. Considering that, if left alone, I can sleep until 8 PM, getting up to do such an activity is a big thing for me.

I’ve really learned how to let myself go a little however, which I definitely needed to do. All my life, I have had no athletic ability and try to hide it at any cost. But for the first time, I now play sports such as soccer and basketball with enthusiasm (meaning I actually run instead of walk), which makes me feel great. I’m forcing myself to take full advantage of this experience (except for when I did a boxing class, taught by a former bodybuilder, and broke down and cried in the middle) and my body is constantly reminding me of that by keeping me sore all the time .

But it’s good sore, right?

My daily cuisine has also changed quite a bit, and obviously so. The camp focuses on a special diet that emphasizes on low or no fat (12g max a day) and less than 1500 calories or so (preferably less than 1200).  For that reason they serve us extremely lean chicken and, instead of beef, bison, which has no fat and tastes exactly the same as beef. The food is not very good (and therefore I don’t eat much of it), but I guess it could be interpreted as a good thing.

I will give this camp one thing – they definitely keep you busy. Between five different activities each day and extra fitness classes (and gym time), I’ve had quite a bit to do. As a result I really don’t have time to write a long post about all of this, because my schedule is just so tight. And I’m just in so much effing pain from all of the mandatory exercise and the extra working out I’ve been putting in that I don’t know if I have the energy to describe everything I feel right now. I’m definitely feeling active!

By the time you guys will have read this I will have had my first weigh in – wish  me luck!

All my life, I’ve been heavy. When I was younger I was ridiculed and bullied constantly about my weight problem, so I was always fairly depressed. Sure, I ate a lot (…of pastries), but my eating never warranted the amount of weight I would actually gain. It was strange – I went to camp one summer and came back 30 pounds heavier even though I barely ate the slop I was served the two months I was away.

At my heaviest (which was in eighth grade), I weighed 230 pounds. I had been to a fat farm (fat camp, weight loss summer program, what have you) for two weeks before entering my last year of middle school but I had gained everything I lost back. My parents and I realized it was time for more drastic action, and with that I was enrolled at Camp Pocono Trails for eight weeks.

The entire experience was beyond difficult. I hate physical activity (hence my choice of college, known for less than athletic students), and here we were forced to exercise all day and eat absurdly small portions of food (although there was unlimited salad and jello, which was of no comfort to myself, who hates both). I’m not going to get started on everything that happened there or my feelings about the institution (in one word: hellhole), but it served its purpose: I lost 30 pounds that summer. Miraculously and unlike most of my fellow campers, I was able to keep off the weight after I left camp.

A year or so later, after I came back from a summer program in Spain, my mother noticed my hair was noticeably short and thought I had been cutting it while I was gone. I hadn’t been doing so at all, especially since I look like crap with short hair, and this was when we knew I had a serious problem. The fact that my hair was falling out was not normal. I started seeing a specialist in New York City who specializes in female hormonal issues and he diagnosed me with Polycystic Ovary Syndrome. It’s a hormonal disorder that was causing my hair loss and less noticeable things as well, such as the darkening of skin in my armpits (a symptom of insulin resistance), the concentration of fat to my stomach, my insane weight gain and my extreme difficulty with weight loss.

When I started all my meds I began to lose tons of weight by doing absolutely nothing and continuing to eat the same crap I did before, and it was amazing! I started getting attention from guys for the first time in my life and I felt GREAT. But, like all good things, it had to come to an end. So this year I finally started gaining weight again.

Because I will be starting college in the fall I figured heading back to fat camp would be a great way to get in shape and feel better about myself. So, on Sunday I will be attending a new weight loss camp in Upstate New York that has a program specifically directed for young women ages 18-24. Because I plan to be fairly candid in my upcoming posts about my experiences there, I will not use its name. I want to share my laughter, my tears, my extreme pangs of hunger and my cravings for Popeyes (don’t hate, it’s delightful) with all of you guys.

As my departure for camp approaches, do any of you CC readers have advice for me? Words of wisdom? Weight loss secrets? Share ‘em!

It’s no secret that alcohol changes people. After a night of drinking, we’re often surprised by what we may or may not have done during a night of debauchery. Oftentimes we end up with great stories, but there are also those nights that leave us wondering how the hell we ended up on a stranger’s couch with only one shoe, a purse full of ping pong balls, and 17 new phone numbers in our phone (all listed under names like, “bathroom dude,” “cigarette guy,” and “hgjb52″) .

The truth is, alcohol lowers our inhibitions…and standards…for everything.  We do things when we’re drinking that we’d never, ever, in a million years consider when we’re sober (like mixing ranch dressing and brownies).

Here are five of the most common things that are oddly tolerable – and even preferred – when the booze is flowing through our systems:

The beer pong ball – Has anyone actually realized how unsanitary this thing is? Although no one EVER thinks about it when they’re playing, it’s pretty nasty. It’s falling on the floor (oftentimes a disgusting floor that hasn’t seen a mop since the between-tenants-landlord-cleaning) and god knows where else, but because you’re too drunk to notice how vile this is, you don’t care. Somehow it’s all okay because it’s been dipped into a cup of water. The same cup of water that was put there 2 hours before and  has been dipped into hundreds of times by people you may not even know (but may make out with later…)

Frat house bathrooms – As far as sh*tholes (literally) go, these may be the worst. I have been in ones that not only don’t have toilet paper (forcing me to use a crumpled up piece of notebook paper… I don’t wanna talk about it), but also contain a bathtub filled with things one would rather not think about, a sink that doesn’t work, and a door that doesn’t even fully close.  But because your drunk self needs to pee something awful, you will brave the bathroom anyway. And you might even sit, being that squatting takes concentration that your drunk ass can’t muster up. When nature calls, you answer. Even if the response is possibly hazardous to your health.

Creepy people hitting on you – Who hasn’t had this happen? Inevitably, everyone is much more confident when they’re drunk, and they throw caution to the wind. Sadly, this not only applies to attractive and normal individuals but also unfortunate looking and strange people too. Yet, somehow, you don’t mind. In fact, due to your desire to swindle a free drink or those thick-ass beer goggles you’re wearing, you kinda like it. And may even leave with it…er…him.

Nudity - As a rule, most of us do not feel comfortable when sober to take off our clothes in front of complete strangers. Yet for some odd reason when we’re drunk, it seems acceptable. No, mandatory. Is there any more explanation needed?

Talking about taboo and inappropriate subjects – This is yet another side effect of increased confidence due to alcohol consumption. One begins to think that because they are drunk now would be an excellent time to talk about everything and everyone. Your sex life? Everyone should know! That time you vomited in your roommate’s closet and played dumb the next morning? Confession time! Your opinions about certain people that may or may not be in the vicinity? Who cares?!

BONUS: Becoming BFFs with that chick you’ve hated for years - Nothing brings out the love like a bottle of booze. She may have stabbed you in the back and made your life hell, but now you’re drunk and hugging and you love her so much you just HAVE to do brunch next Sunday.  WTF?

Got any others?

It’s Monday morning.

Are you sick of studying?

Bored out of your mind?

Too tired to get up and get your ass to class? (I know, FML.)

If you answered yes to any of these questions, the following list of websites and things to do may help bring some joy into your life. The internet is a black hole of time-wasters, but these are by far the best. Well, besides CollegeCandy, duh hickey.

StumbleUpon – This is probably by far the coolest Firefox/Internet Explorer/anything application ever. When I mean it never gets boring, it never gets boring. The way it works is this: you sign up with the site, and are next given a huge list of different topics and things that interest you (whether it be Medieval History or bargain shopping). After making your selections, you download the StumbleUpon toolbar, conveniently located in your browser. You then click “Stumble,” and this brings you to a seemingly endless amount of sites that are within the interests you picked. It’s not just for finding cool websites though: you can also “stumble” on news stories, funny pictures and videos, and the like. This is possibly the greatest – and most fun – time waster of all time, and I highly recommend it. There’s something for everyone!

I Am Bored – As far as boredom websites go, this is the creme de la creme. It’s a bit raunchier than similar sites and has much more unique stuff on it. It has games, weird news stories, strange/cool videos and interesting pictures, among a million other things. Where else would I discover that there’s a children’s furniture company that makes a Cinderella carriage bed (that costs $47,000)? Answer: nowhere.

Pogo Games – Sort of self explanatory. It has tons of different kinds of games, and each time you play you win tokens that go to..something. I’m not exactly sure, but there is something. Either way, it’s always satisfying to see that you’ve won 600 tokens upon finishing a game of solitaire.

Angry Alien – In contrast to the name, this website has videos known as “30 Second Bunny Films.” In other words, it’s your favorite movies being acted out in 30 seconds by bunnies. Although they’re always doing the clips for new movies, seeing an angry rabbit reenact The Shining rarely gets old.

YTMND – The acronym stands for “you the man now dawg.” I have no idea how it relates to the content on the website, but it is what it is. The genius of this site is just the simplicity of it. Users basically just make these pages with video, audio and maybe one or two pictures on it, but still manage to make it hilarious. Take this one, about a cold poptart. The graphic is weird, yes, but the audio is quite amusing (and it does speak the truth – the PopTart wrapper does indeed say to put it in the microwave for 3 seconds). I suppose you need to have a certain sense of humor for it, but I think most people still enjoy it.

Cute Overload and I Can Has Cheezburger – Everybody likes adorable animals and a good LOLcat now and then.

There you have it. Happy time-wasting!

So Spring Break is coming. Hellooooo, beach! For those of you out there who won’t be spending all day getting boozed (you can’t imagine anything more horrendous than the mixture of heavy alcohol, sun, and waves), you are going to need some beach entertainment. And soberly watching drunk people bury each other in the sand gets boring after day one.

So, here is a handy list of books to bring with you to your tropical destination this year. They’re not your typical cheesy chick lit for the most part, but they’re pretty addictive in their own rights.

1. The Historian by Elizabeth Kostova

I cannot say enough good things about this book. Kostova is like Dan Brown in the sense that she crafts engrossing and fascinating historically based thrillers. Except she’s not as crappy a writer and into vampires. As potentially lame as that sounds, it’s not: it’s a sort of modern retelling of the story of Dracula. It all starts when a grad student finds an old book with a dragon in the middle, and goes to show his mentor who has a similar book. He tells him of the research he did and what he discovered about Vlad Ţepeş (whom Dracula is based off of), and advises him to avoid looking into it. The next day the mentor goes missing, and the grad student embarks on a journey throughout Europe to find his professor. Sort of makes you want to travel throughout Eastern Europe instead of sitting on a beach, but whatever.

2. Twilight by Stephanie Meyer

Before you bite my head off, hear me out. I was once a fervent objector to the Twilight series. I thought they sounded moronic and childish. After being told for the umpteenth time to read it, however, I did. I was planning on skimming through and picking out the dumbest parts for laughs later. But something else happened – I liked it. Yes, Stephanie Meyer is a terrible author (seriously, how many times can you use the word “chagrin” in one chapter?). Yes, there is serious lack of juicy detail which makes reading about Bella and Edward’s hookups infuriating. And yes, Bella is a whiny bitch. But you have to give Stephanie Meyer credit – that lady knows how to keep people reading. There is something inexorably addictive about the series, despite its faults. I know you’re rolling your eyes, but I really suggest you try it.

3. The Virgin’s Lover by Phillippa Gregory

If you couldn’t tell by my first recommendation, I sort of have a thing for historical based stuff. Especially when it involves a kickass female protagonist, a time period with lots of pretty dresses and romance. If you’ve already seen or read The Other Boleyn Girl, you know what I mean. Normally this stuff is pretty boring when reading it in some dry history book, but Gregory makes it interesting by adding more drama and, er, passion. This book is about Queen Elizabeth, and her secret affair with Sir Robert Dudley. Dudley is sort of a player and feeds off other people (for money, power, booty, what have you), but because he’s just so sexy Elizabeth can’t resist him, and this leads to a lot of problems. It’s way better than it sounds, and once you get into it you can’t put it down.

4. The Diving Bell and the Butterfly by Jean-Dominique Bauby

Jean-Dominique Bauby was the French editor of Elle, had a hot girlfriend, lots of money, an awesome car and two cute kiddies. One day he suffered a massive stroke that left him completely paralyzed. The only thing he was able to do was blink his left eye (the condition being called “locked-in syndrome”). While in the hospital, he was able to write a memoir with his speech therapist by using a frequency ordered alphabet, and blinked every time the letter he wanted was reached. Despite this, Bauby is still able to imagine the world in vivid detail, and he ended up writing a hauntingly beautiful book. It is surprisingly light, funny and rather short. And although it is sad (he died four days after its publication in France), it is not overwhelmingly so: it’s more of a testament to the undying soul and a celebration of life.

5. Anything by David Sedaris (Me Talk Pretty One Day, Dress Your Family in Corduroy and Denim, Barrel Fever, When You Are Engulfed in Flames, and Naked).

Nothing further. Although I’d suggest sitting away from other humans while reading his books, since you will most likely be snorting out loud and have everyone staring at you. Or maybe that’s just me.

There you have it. I (almost) guarantee you will be completely into these books – I know I was. Tell me what you think of them!

As the majority of the readers on this site will know, college admissions are a painful and infuriating process. Nowadays our society puts so much pressure on us to attend good schools that many of us begin to feel that, should we not get into college, we’ll be living in refrigerator boxes on the street. (Although it was brought to my attention that, if you’re lucky, you could end up being one of the slightly more fortunate homeless people of California that get one of these cool portable shelters. Doesn’t really make you feel better, but good to know.)

Statistically, my class (2009) is due for the worst admissions season yet.

The root of the problem lies in “boom and bust” population demographics. During the late 1980s and early 1990s, the baby boomers generation began to have children and thus created another wave of growth. As this new generation began to enter high school and apply to college, the number of applications began to increase and the number of students admitted decrease.

Basically, if you were born during the latter half of 1990 or in 1991, you’re screwed.

It has also become common for kids to apply to more than six schools, whereas a decade ago it was still rare. Since the introduction of the Common Application students are able to send one application to any of the 350 or so schools that accept it, making applying to multiple universities much easier. The more applications teenagers send out the smaller their chances of getting into some schools. And because admittance into these specific schools is not certain, kids will send out even more applications just to have some backups. (There is some hope, however – after this year, admissions are expected to gradually become easier. It won’t be noticeable for a long time, but it’s some consolation.)

Makes that movie Accepted seem even more realistic and frightening, doesn’t it? Playing on your worst fears? Yeah, well that was a couple years ago, and things have changed – for the worse. Again, the number of applicants is absurdly high, and, to make it worse, our economy is completely down the toilet.

Most high school seniors right now are absolutely terrified. And our college counselors aren’t really helping things. When asked what to do if we don’t get in anywhere, mine told us that there’s community college, but that she’s sure that won’t happen. Then she followed up by telling us that, especially this year, we cannot let ourselves fall prey to the dreadful Senioritis; “there are so many other kids that would want your spots at a school and a college would have no problem just giving yours away to them.”

So, I have a more difficult application process and I don’t get to enjoy the freedom of my senior year? Awesome.

So, to all you college girls out there: thank your lucky stars you are already into your school.

And to the high school ladies reading this blog: good luck! You are not alone.