But I think the real trouble with New Year’s resolutions is that I always make one, grand, swooping promise to myself. Let’s get real; swearing off carbohydrates just isn’t feasible. I must have been a full bottle of champagne deep when I came up with that one. I think the best way to go about this whole “new year, new you” idea is to come up with a few smaller resolutions that will keep you in line but won’t have you binge eating bread at the dining hall two weeks later.

Want to make some improvements to your already rockin’ life in 2010? Here are a few suggestions to help you be all you can be in 2010:

5. “I will go to class and stay awake.” Temptation to stay in bed is great in the winter months. There are few things I dislike more than walking to my 8:15 a.m. class in the bitter cold. But a girl’s gotta do what a girl’s gotta do. You’d be surprised how much information you absorb just by physically being in the classroom. Next year we can work our way up to actually participating. Baby steps, ladies. Baby steps.

4. “I will become more involved on campus.” I know it’s hard when you have a steady schedule of class, food, booze and sleep, but you’d be surprised how much your quality of life will improve once you put yourself out there. Joining a group is a great way to make new friends, build up your resume and become a generally more productive student on campus. And besides, you never know who you might meet (wink, wink.)

3. “I will remove Papa John’s from my phonebook.” This is my favorite resolution. You know it’s gotten bad when you say to your roommate, “I’m so excited to go out tonight just so we can come home and order pizza and breadsticks.” Swearing off 2 a.m. food runs will be hard, but it’s not impossible. And it’s one step in the right direction to a healthier you!

2. “I will swear off one-night stands.” It happens to the best of us. I understand, I really do. We all confuse “Mr. Right” with “Mr. Right Now and Maybe Again in the Morning” sometimes. But think of all of the things you can avoid if you succeed in this resolution. No more Walks of Shame, no more awkward run-ins at D-hall brunch the next morning and no more regret. What’s more promising than a year without regret?

1. “I will realize that shotgunning beer is not a marketable skill.” Your parents may tell you this all the time, but there IS life after college. It may seem like one big party now, but being the beer pong champion will only take you so far in life before you realize you’re a broke post-grad looking down the barrel of unemployment. That sad and unfortunate image alone should be enough to inspire you to start your summer internship research now! The opportunities you make for yourself in 2010 will make graduation day and the years to follow just a little less daunting.

Give me your wardrobe and go away, Kardashians!

Every time I turn on the television, pick up a magazine or check my Twitter and favorite gossip websites, there are certain celebrities that just won’t go away. They’re always doing something idiotic or annoying and they make sure we all know about it. These particular celebs have taken over 2009 and I’m not about to let them ruin 2010 for me.

Here are the top 10 celebrities I could do without in 2010:

1. Lindsay Lohan – We all get it. You have daddy issues. He won’t support you. And by you I mean your addiction to prescription drugs, cocaine and spray-on tans. You’ve drained this girl’s pity dry after your 100^th failed attempt at rehab. Get clean or be gone, you orange oompa loompa.

2. The Gosselins – I just don’t think I’ll ever be able to forgive you for what you’ve done to those adorable kids. You should both be ashamed of yourselves. Maddie and Cara act more mature than you have this past year. And I don’t care how many times you change your hairstyle, Kate, I’m over you.

3. Kanye West – I’ve loathed you for years, Mr. West. Remember this humble quote: “I realize that my place and position in history is that I will go down as the voice of this generation, of this decade, I will be the loudest voice.”  You certainly were the loudest voice at the VMA’s this year, sir. And you will go down in history as an arrogant, SOB. Oopsies.

4. Taylor Swift – As much as I could do without Kanye, I could also take a break from you, lovely Taylor. You really racked up the awards this year. Good for you, but I think you’re a bit overrated.

5. Spencer Pratt – You call yourself a villain, but I just think you’re lame. I laughed when I watched Stephen Baldwin baptize you in the jungle river on “I’m a Celebrity. Get Me Out of Here!” Your holy makeover didn’t seem to take, did it? You deserve a swift punch to the face.  Or the nads. Or both.

6. Katherine Heigl – I love the girl to death, but she just has nothing nice to say! All she does is whine, whine, whine about the parts and roles she is so generously given and I can’t take it anymore. You’re pissing everyone off Katherine, and as sad as I (and a majority of the male gender) will be to see you go, you may have dug your own grave for 2010.

7. The Kardashians, all of em’ – I still don’t know why you’re all famous. I think they can make a show about my life and have it be more meaningful. I don’t care that you’re taking on Miami. I’m taking on things of my own, so I’d kindly appreciate it if you would stop terrorizing my television!

8. Dr. Phil – I have no reason for this. You just irk me. Good riddance.

9. Perez Hilton – I didn’t want you around in ’07, ’08, or ’09. I think everyone can handle 2010 without your Microsoft Painted penises and Lady-Gaga-ass-kissing ways.

10. Ashlee Simpson – I really thought we’d be done with you in 2006 when a stadium full of football fans booed you off the stage. But no; somehow you’re still around. Sure, it’s with a completely new face and a monthly rotation of hair color, but it’s still you. And you still have no talent. Take that guyliner-wearing hubby of yours and go. away.

Would you want this guy taking you 30,000 feet in the air?

Drinking on the job seems like such an enticing idea. Make the work day a little more bearable, ya know? I know I’d be a hell of a lot friendlier to those jerks taking out books at the campus library if I had a little Ketel One in me. Sure, I’d be making 412 runs to the bathroom, but everything is more fun when you’re drunk…and re-shelving books could sure use a little boost of fun.

But after hearing countless stories of drunken pilots getting stopped moments before taking flight, I realized that there are some careers that are simply not suitable for boozing. For example:

Your Pilot: Does the phrase “do not operate heavy machinery” mean nothing to you, man!? Your flight home for winter break may soon become a terror ride as your highly intoxicated pilot does figure eights in the sky… and then right into the ground.

Your Gyno: At first thought, a drunk gyno doesn’t seem so bad. I mean it’s basically the same thing as drunk foreplay on a Saturday night, right? Wrong. One wrong move and those exploratory tools can become a torture device… in the wrong hole. I shudder to think.

Your Hairdresser: Never drink and drive. And never drink and cut. The combination of alcohol and scissors is terrifying, especially so close to my face. Chances are you’re going to leave there looking like this. And that’s not gonna grow out pretty, I’ll tell you that much.

Your Guidance Counselor: The whole point of having a guidance counselor is so that you can go out and drink on the weekends while she stays in and figures out your life for you. Your future is not bright when your guidance counselor using your grad school application to wipe up her barf.

And finally…

The girl who gives you a Brazilian: Something tells me you’re going to get a wild design waxed on your lady parts. But that’s only if she doesn’t overheat the wax and give you some nasty third degree burns first. You think a burnt tongue is painful? Try burned…lips.

So instead, I opt for the harder path.

All of my gut instincts (and any dating book ever) tell me to pull back a little, don’t seem too attached too soon, don’t scare him off. Play it cool and he’ll come running because guys love the chase (or so I hear). I want so badly to be in control of the relationship, to have our future planned out on my terms, to have him want me more than I want him.

To hold all the cards.
And so ensues the inevitable power struggle.

I honestly believe that at the core of every relationship, at least in the beginning stages, is a battle for power. Sure there are feelings and snuggles and witty texts back and forth, but what really drives the relationship train is the quest to have the upper hand. We want the security of knowing we are in control of our own destiny with this other person that somehow has gotten a stronghold on our heart. And the other person is doing the exact same thing.

So if someone has to hold the power in the relationship, it sure as hell better be me. Right?

The power position seems to be the answer to so many of the natural fears the come along with opening ourselves up to another person. The fear of rejection, the fear of them finding someone else, the fear of ending up broken-hearted – all of these worries can be settled by knowing you have his heart (and balls) on a string. And how do we do this? We play games.

I’ve flirted with other guys in front of him. I’ve waited 24 hours before returning a call or answering a text. I’ve even gone as far as to mention going out to dinner with a “new friend.”  And he reciprocates the same mind games with me. All of these tactics are just sick and twisted methods of testing our feelings for each other, without having to put ourselves out on the line or wear our hearts on our sleeves. Instead, we’d rather take stabs at each other until one of us cracks. Mature.

Having the power in the relationship is like some sort of super-drug, one that you don’t ever want to run out of. But we have to remember what we all learned in D.A.R.E: drugs are bad. You can spend an entire lifetime trying to figure out the best way to play it cool, to be mysterious, to be the bad girl that you think he wants. But when all the games are over, and you’ve tried and failed to reach whatever future you envisioned for the relationship, everything always boils down to communication. Honest communication.

Hopefully one day I’ll get there. Hopefully I’ll eventually stop purposely not answering my phone to make him squirm, or putting up vague Away Messages to make him think about me. Hopefully one day I’ll back down from my quest for total relationship domination.

But when your heart is in the mix, it’s hard to let just anyone get their hands on it.

Your tired brain can thank me later.

The Impossible Quiz: Honestly, I still haven’t finished this quiz. If anyone out there can tell me how to beat question 15, I would die for that knowledge. This one will make you pull your hair out, but my dedication to the cause keeps me coming back for more. I think you’ll find yourself feeling similarly.

Seventeen.com Quizzes: This site has everything you’ve ever wanted to know about yourself. Literally. Do you want to know what your purse says about you? Seventeen knows. Is your boyfriend about to dump you? Ask Seventeen. I could spend an entire 48 hours taking these quizzes and finally decoding the mystery of life.

Place the 50 States: I always knew I was never a geography scholar, but this game was humiliating. But I challenge each and every one of you to try, because I can’t be the only person out there who can’t quite place the entire mid-western region of this fine country. Yikes.

Free IQ Test: Because you know you’re curious.

The Game Show Network Online: When I study in my room, my first study break includes an Easy Mac and an episode of Chain Reaction on the Game Show Network. So when I study in the library, obviously, I turn to gsn.com to play my favorite game show myself. I have come to terms with the fact that I may never get my 15-minutes of fame on an actual games how, so I might as well live vicariously through the internet, right?

Sporkle.com: Sporkle has it all. Any game you could think of including one called “ClickyPanicky” that happens to be very similar to the once popular, but no longer free game “Snood.” God, I loved Snood.

Perhaps I am a gamer at heart. Who knew?

So this New Year’s Eve, I am resolving to put an end to all of those things that kept me down and out. And, quite frankly, I think there are few things we should all resolve to leave in ’09. Let’s all make (and keep) these resolutions together:

Facebook:
FB, you are the bane of my existence. What girl in their right mind ever thought it was a good idea to habitually post status updates that were simply begging for attention? Or listing off her exact whereabouts 24/7 so those creepy Facebook surfers could follow her around? FB is just another avenue for people to have a public pity party, to incite revenge via pictures making out with strange dudes, to stalk exes and so on. Say it with me: this year, I resolve to take a step back from the computer and live life not on Facebook’s terms. Or on my ex boyfriend’s Newsfeed.

Men:
In 2010, we should all resolve to not let a guy dictate our mood. Yes, men have the ability to make us the happiest we’ve ever been, but they can also make us curl up in the fetal position and cry for one week straight. One bad breakup has the power to put me in a state of hibernation until family and friends recognize me as a full-fledged hermit with cookie dough in my hair, and I know I’m not the only one. This year, I refuse to let whatever is happening in my love life affect the rest of my life. Because if the world revolved around a single man, we’d all be in big trouble.

Health:
This year, we will not insist our jeans fit us when our extra “baggage” spills over the top. Acceptance is the first step towards recovery from the unsightly muffin top and that deep red ring around our belly button that comes with it. Holding on to our delusions of still being a size 4, even after we binge-ate holiday food for over a month, is not healthy. Rather than walking around in ill-fitting clothes, let’s resolve to hit the gym instead.

Opportunity:
Let’s all resolve to embrace opportunities in all forms. Whether it’s a date with a guy you don’t know that well or simply trying something you’ve never done before (jeggings, anyone?), let’s make 2010 the year where nothing is off limits. I think I will take a page out of Yes Man’s book (OK, movie) and make myself more available to opportunity and adventure. Because, well, why not?

Alcohol:
Let’s spend 2010 not acting like a drunken Lindsay Lohan impersonator…. ever (again). Nobody likes that girl. That girl is always the one acting inappropriate in front of guys. She’s the one bitching out her friends for no good reason. She’s the one who comes home and eats the entire contents of the fridge… while she waits for her delivery. And unless you take pleasure in one-night stands, a beer gut, nip slips and vomit chunks in one’s hair, nothing good ever happens for this girl. I love my vodka, but I love my pride a whole lot more.

At least in 2010, I do.

If we’ve learned anything from this whole Tiger Woods debacle, it’s that some women simply can’t resist the glory of sleeping with a celebrity. And who can really blame them? You put Chase Crawford in front of me and there’s no telling what I would do in order to get him undressed and into my bed. And if it takes heavy drugs and a blindfold, so be it.

In fact, I can say that for a lot of celebrities. A girl can dream, can’t she?

But the fantasy doesn’t extend to all of Hollywood. There are a few celebs that I would rather not have anywhere in or around my lady parts. For example:

John Mayer:
This was a tough one for me because I’m a sucker for anyone who can serenade me – especially if it’s in a limo on the way to a Hollywood party – but there are a few other factors that I had to take into consideration. For example, let’s all say it together now: MAN-WHORE. John Mayer’s dating track record reads like a phonebook, and that’s simply not promising for our future together. And maybe I could look past that for a night of passion, but I simply cannot look past the faces he makes while on stage. If he looks like this while singing, I shutter to think what he looks like in bed.

Alex Rodriguez:
Because, really, is he that hot? I feel like I’ve been misled. I don’t know what everyone else sees, because very time I look at his picture, I just feel like there’s something not right there. And honestly, that damn Yankee has slept with every female in NYC. Plus, if the rumors are true and he and Kate Hudson are through, well he is just an idiot and I don’t mess with idiots.

Robert Pattinson:
I’d be seated on a throne of lies if I told you I wouldn’t happily fall into bed with Edward Cullen. But Robert Pattinson, on the other hand, just doesn’t do it for me. His greasy locks are always standing at great heights, which leads me to believe he showers less than twice a week. And I’d like to take him to a tanning bed, just once or twice, to give him a little glow. Or skin pigment at all. He’s nearly translucent at this point and pasty isn’t a good look on him.

Chris Brown:
R.I.P. Chris Brown’s sex life. Assault pretty much put the nail in the coffin of that guy’s life. It’s too bad, too. I used to imagine what our wedding would be like. He was going to sing “With You” to me at the reception, now I just want to punch him in the genitals.

Justin Bieber:
My best guess says that this 15-year-old pop star is still holding on to his precious V-card. And as awesome as it would to take a celebrity’s virginity, I’m not into statutory rape. I’m not that fame-hungry.

The mind of a man is one of life’s greatest mysteries. And the weird obsessions of those men… well, I’ll just never understand:

Fantasy Sports: I’ve never seen more passion in a man’s eyes as when he is watching his fantasy football team take the lead. Perhaps it makes watching football more fun, but does it really get any better than drinking beers, eating junk food and reclining in a La-Z-Boy for an entire day? One time I joined a celebrity fantasy league in hopes to understand the obsession. But even I, the celeb stalker and supporter of all things muscle-y that I am, found it to be just mundane.

Strippers: I’ll admit I’ve been to a strip club once or twice in my life, and I just don’t get the appeal. Other than the totally awesome acrobatics, which only ever occur at the truly classy establishments, it’s just nudity. Rubbing up against you. In public. That you can’t touch. What’s the point?

And while we’re on the subject, what’s the fascination with fake boobs? Have you ever touched a pair? Did you like the cement feel underneath your fingertips? Gross.

The Ability to Grow Facial Hair: I never know the appropriate response to give when a guy tells me that it only took him one week to grow the mess of a beard he is shamelessly walking around town with. High-five? Just because you can grow one doesn’t mean you should go out looking like Chewbacca. I wish men would obsess over being well-groomed instead of growing a large patch of hair above their lip.

Anal Sex: Let’s cut the crap, here. Seriously. Because the minute you get pooped on, you’re not going to obsess over spelunking in that region ever again.  Why put yourself through that? The fantasy is better than the reality, so can we just leave it at that?

Lesbians: They aren’t interested in you. You will never be invited to join in a threesome. And unless you secretly have a vagina, you don’t stand a chance.

It’s hard to put into words how much I love Bravo’s series Top Chef. To say I have formed an unhealthy obsession with it is an understatement. I can literally sit on my couch for seven hours straight without blinking an eye if I happen upon a Top Chef marathon. I literally cried real tears when Jennifer Carroll was asked to pack her knives and go last week. And sometimes I even have quick-fire themed nightmares where all of my ingredients have gone sour and the punishment is death-by-Padma.

Needless to say, tonight’s finale has me feeling excited and anxious in places I never knew existed. And what does that call for? A special viewing party!

My two friends and I are getting together to watch the finale together, but before we do, we have some Top Chef themed activities planned. We are each representing one of the three finalists – I will be dressing up as bad boy Michael Voltaggio complete with full sleeve of fake tattoos – and cooking ourselves a nice meal, competition style, of course. After I have been named the winner (duh), we will all settle in to find out who will be named Top Chef.

Lovable, red-head Kevin Gillespie and the brothers Bryan and Michael Voltaggio are, in my opinion, the best finalists out of all Top Chef seasons past. I can’t even begin to predict a winner. Ok, that’s a lie. I totally can.

Correct me if I’m wrong, but I believe it will be a showdown between the brothers. Would anyone be upset if it is? They’re both magically delicious, and I’m not talking about their food, if you catch my drift. As much as I love Kevin and his beard, I don’t think his simple food is up to the Voltaggio challenge.

I’m rooting for Bryan. Sure, Michael may have him beat in creativity, but his arrogance really pisses me off sometimes. And for that, and that alone, I hope his brother hands his big ego-filled head to him on a platter. Surrounded by Swiss chard and sunchokes, of course. Bryan seems like a gentleman and a culinary scholar. He is the champion of my heart and of my stomach and if he wins, I will certainly travel to Frederick, Maryland where his restaurant,Volt, is located so I can personally shake his hand. And maybe accidentally kiss him on the lips for 30 to 45 seconds.

Beefy.

MTV is really getting their ass handed to them after the controversial premiere of the new reality series “Jersey Shore.” Not only has Dominos pulled out as an advertiser for the show, but MTV has also apparently received death threats from unhappy viewers.

Seriously?

Italian-Americans have their leopard panties in a twist because this show is giving their heritage a bad name. But since when do eight guidos represent an entire culture? Their hair gelling, giant poofing, fake boobing ways may be an embarrassment to themselves and their families, but has that ever stopped the rest of us from rubbernecking a train wreck such as this? I mean, isn’t that was every MTV show is about?

As a (seasonal) Jersey shore native, I couldn’t be more thrilled with the show. My house is less than 20 minutes away from Seaside Heights, and, to be honest, it’s a pretty good portrayal of the people you’ll see walking on the boardwalk. And while I don’t classify myself as a guidette, I still get my kicks from being super tan and having a perpetual French manicure. So is CollegeCandy.com going to get death threats now?

Honestly, I bet the people threatening MTV to shut “Jersey Shore” down are the people who secretly love it the most and are frightened by their unnatural attraction to the trashy paradise that is the Shore (and Jager Bombs). How many of us over-quoted lines from  “My New Haircut” when that hit the web? Let’s just look at this as another opportunity to channel our inner guido.

People take themselves too seriously. Let these self-proclaimed guidos and guidettes do what they do best – tan, work out and booze – in peace. We’re all having a good laugh watching them do it. And THAT is The Situation.

What do you think? Is this show bad news or really good TV?