I recently turned 24-years-old, had a pre-mid life crisis (that means seriously premature) and quit my job in advertising to become a flight attendant. There. It’s out there. Now you know where this is going (well, kind of).

And I’m not talking about the one where Bradley Cooper prances around and humps a tiger near a cop car. I’m talking about the one where you wake up feeling like a shriveled, dehydrated raisin, and you can barely curl up in fetal position without feeling nauseous let alone want to hump things.

The other day, I was at my friend’s sister’s dinner party — she was throwing her husband a surprise birthday party — and I felt terribly immature. I mean, this girl had her LIFE together.

In high school, I kept a notebook full of quotes. Seriously. It’s in my closet at my parents’ house now, completely chock-full of the cheesiest quotes I could get my over-hormonal 16-year-old hands on. Need an example of one? Luckily, I live at home and have easy access to the notebook. Allow me to share some of the highlights…

Lately, I’ve been in a huge, post-grad rut. There are so many things I wanted to accomplish IMMEDIATELY upon graduating from college (i.e. being a successful writer, getting my own studio apartment, making lots of money), and of course…none of that has happened. So all I’m left to do is sit and wonder why none of it is progressing at the speed of light.

I have a confession to make. (I really end up making a lot of those on here, don’t I?) I’ve been in a lot of relationships. Those of every kind. Relationships that end dramatically. Relationships where he was too obsessed. Relationships where I was too obsessed. Relationships that were bittersweet and suddenly went horribly sour. But I don’t think I’ve ever been in love.

The lighting in the bar was perfectly dim for a Friday night, helping to hide every outlandish thought in my increasingly fuzzy head. I only say “fuzzy” because I was deep into my 32 oz. Blue Moon, and — let me tell you — when you practically mainline a Blue Moon after forgetting to eat all day, something magical happens.

I remember the days when my nose was pressed against the screen in English class, trying to hide the fact that I was scrolling through Perez Hilton. I was obsessed with checking Perez regularly. How many pee-pees was he going to draw on Jennifer Love-Hewitt’s face today?!? Now that I’m older and, ahem, more mature, I’ve found some grown-up blogs that are just as addictive!!

It’s only human to have those moments (no matter how long they last) when you feel like you can’t do ANYTHING right. Ok, my moment has been going on for over a week. I feel like I’ve been spending too much money, apologizing way too many times to people, not returning things I’ve borrowed, slipping from my usual tip-top form at work…and it’s all so exhausting. With all these mistakes, I’m feeling super guilty.

Before I begin, this post is dedicated to all of the wonderful ladies (and men, if you’re reading) out there that feel a little stuck and lost in a life post-college. The world often feels bustling with too many confident individuals and not enough nervous, actual human beings just trying to find their place — both in the universe and in the Starbucks line each morning before work. I want you to read this post aloud with your hand on your heart and your chin lifted high.