Bieber’s Paternity case is dismissed

How to get laid on Thanksgiving

What to wear to your next college party

Playing up your best feature, a la our favorite ladies

Travel a little cheaper this holiday season

Meet the men from Pippa’s life

We’re kind of super excited for the new Pixar film

Lizzie Olson’s inspiration?  Kate Winslet, of course

Another reason to like November

Senior year in high school I was on a champion volleyball team, had a cute boyfriend, surrounded myself with fabulous friends, but did absolutely zero homework (Senioritis proved to be a seriously dangerous disease).

Freshman year in college I had decent grades, tons of extra-currics, loads of buddies, but didn’t go on a single date.

This year I worked for the newspaper, had a few flings, but also had a GPA that took a bit of a plunge.

All of this got me thinking: can you really “have it all”? Our generation has been taught over and over again that we can do anything and everything we want as long as we try, but is that really true? Is it possible to balance stellar grades, awesome friends, your fave hobbies, a significant other, and a healthy bod with only 24 hours in a day? (By the way, this is just my idea of “it all.” Yours may vary greatly.)

After 20 years of trying and constantly feeling like I’m failing in some capacity, I have officially given up. It may sound cynical, but I’ve decided it’s simply impossible to have it all. At least at the same time…and to a fulfilling degree. When I try to add something in – like a new love interest – something else always gets pushed to the back burner, leaving me defending myself against my friends or fighting to keep my head above water in my classes.

There is just never enough time.

So instead of constantly being unsatisfied and obsessing about how that one (or many) thing(s) in my life is missing, I’ve trying to focus on what I do have at the moment. Quality, not quantity—right?!?

Because the thing is, even when I think I finally “have it all,” I always manage to find something else that’s missing, and the circle of dissatisfaction (called life) continues. (Remember when you said that after you got into college, you would be happy forever, your life would be fulfilled, and you would never complain again? And then remember the week after you got accepted when you were whining about not receiving the housing information fast enough? Yea. I thought so.)

I’ve tried many tactics to keep myself satisfied. I’ve tried to stop comparing myself to others. Ha. That one never came to fruition. I’ve worked on prioritizing instead of making everything happen at once: is getting an A in economics this semester more important, or making fabulous and unforgettable memories with friends? (The memories obviously prevailed.) I’ve even made lists of what I thought would make me happy, crossing off my hopes and dreams as I accomplished them (I knew my OCD would come in handy at some point!). But still, I have never been able to fit everything on my plate, or to learn how to be satisfied with only filling it half up.

So, my question is, have you? If your answer is yes, please enlighten me on how you’ve accomplished this inconceivable feat. If no, thank god I’m not alone!

Yup, thanks to the genius and generous marketers at Mars Chocolate, we’ll all be jumping for joy real soon. The “Real Chocolate Relief Act” is here.

Starting this month, and continuing through September, the company will be doling out a quarter-million tasty treats on what they call “Free Chocolate Fridays.” ‘Free’ and ‘chocolate’ in the same sentence? Now that’s something to smile about.

Just register (in two seconds) here and wait for your mouthwatering coupon to arrive. Note: the coupon is not edible. DO NOT EAT THE COUPON. Instead, walk (or sprint) to the nearest drug store, bodega, gas station, etc. to pick out your very own FREE Snickers, Dove Bar, 3 Musketeers – whatever tasty treat you fantasize about (or am I the only one who daydreams about silky, smooth, cocoa-y goodness melting in my mouth?).

Oh, and more good news: this isn’t one of those one-time only things. You can request a coupon every Friday. So get out of bed, sign up for some free chocolate, and wipe that frown off your face. Tomorrow is the weekend and you can celebrate with free effing candy bars!

Life. is. good.

Even if you’re still finishing up finals, there’s no harm in daydreaming about the 4 fabulous months to come. So put down that Econ 101 textbook, grab a towel, and layer on the sunscreen.

Summer’s almost here, and it’s time to celebrate!

To help pump you up, we’ve put together a list of the 35 greatest things about summer. Here are our top picks:

1. Riding with the top down

2. Shirtless Dudes

3. The mani/pedi special

4. Summer love

5. Trips to the Beach

6. Iced beverages

7. Havaianas, Rainbows, and other fabulous flip-flops

8. So You Think You Can Dance and other quality summer programming

9. Ice cream sandwiches (especially when they start dripping down your arm)

10. Deliciously hot, sweaty, tan and toned lifeguards

11. The Nathan’s Hot Dog Eating Contest

12. Riding Bikes

13. Reading for pleasure…without a highlighter

14. 7-11 Slurpees

15. Sitting on the sidewalk and enjoying a Dairy Queen Blizzard

16. Longer days

17. Sun-induced all-natural highlights

18. Devouring juicy peaches

19. Jumping waves at the beach

20. Pretty flowers

21. Long walks outside

22.  Sundresses

23. Picnics in the Park

24. Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince!!!

25. Running through sprinklers

26. Tie-dying t-shirts

27. Sipping mimosas at outdoor cafes

28. Water-skiing

29. Stargazing

30. Sunglasses all. the. time

31. Gladiator flats

32. Amusement parks

33. Funnel cake

34. Laying on a raft in the middle of a pool

35. No more exams!

Aristophanes (the Greek comic playwright) introduced this idea in one of his plays, in which a woman named Lysistrata (translation: Army-disbander) comes up with a, well, attention-grabbing plan to bring an end to the Peloponnesian War: she convinces herself and all of the other Grecian ladies to withhold sex from their husbands until the men have negotiated a peace.

Thousands of years later, the women of Kenya are trying a similar tactic – they’ve gone on a seven day sex strike in an attempt to alleviate the violence that has resulted from the rivalry between Prime Minister Raila Odinga and President Mwai Kibaki (who currenty share power over the Kenyan government). Introduced by the Women’s Development Organization coalition, the strike includes the Prime Minister’s wife, Ida Odinga, many average women, a handful of prostitutes, and possibly President Kibaki’s wife.

So wait a minute – one week without sex and these men are going to forget all about their anger? Anger so potent it’s caused genocide for the past year? Wowsa! These must be some pretty HOT Kenyan females!

But if sex-strikes are such useful political weapons, why is there, one week later, still bloodshed in Kenya (and so many other African countries)?

Well maybe it’s because, while sex is a powerful tool, it’s probably best to leave it out of politics. Especially in a country where polygamy is socially acceptable, gang rape is in vogue, and the sexual exploitation of women is accepted. (Editor’s Note: Or maybe it can be attributed to the fact that sexually frustrated men are not in the mood to negotiate peace with their enemies.)

Sexual power might be all these women have, and props to them for using it to their advantage. But while you may think withholding sex can win a war (or a small battle on the homefront), I say – withhold something else. Because it seems to me that using abstinence as a threat isn’t feminist (don’t we gals want the sex too!?), or a productive political move. And let’s be honest – sex is just too damn wonderful.

Graduation may be an exciting milestone, but the ceremony itself is far from memorable for most people. Not only is sitting in a cap and gown for three straight hours uncomfortable (especially when it’s hot and that itchy rayon is rubbing against your neck), but the speeches are boring… and they go on forever. Oh, and leaving college is incredibly depressing.

But that whole “boring speech” thing isn’t the case for some lucky graduating classes. Yes, there are a select few schools in this country that had some pretty bomb diggity commencement speakers this year. Speakers who make me sorta wish I could sit through a three hour ceremony getting a weird tanline on my forehead from that ridiculous cap I’d be forced to wear.

Below is a list of the most bad ass commencement speakers of 2009. See, it’s not so bad being the class of ’09!

1) Notre Dame – THE PRESIDENT!!

2) Duke – Ms. Oprah “Free KFC” Winfrey.

3) St. Rose College – Jimmy Fallon (Ok, so he’s not the best at the late night gig, but anyone who can get some laughs during a grad ceremony has my vote.)

4) University of California, Merced – Michelle Obama (Maybe she let students in on her tricep secrets?!)

5) Marshall University – Chad Pennington…who most likely gave his speech through a megaphone.

6) UCLA – James Franco

7) Bucknell – Elie Wiesel (Holocaust Survivor and Nobel Peace Prize Winner)

8 ) Barnard, NYU – Hilary Clinton (Inspirational, motivational, and all done in some monochromatic pantsuit.)

9) University of Michigan - Google Co-Founder and world changer, Larry Page (Those students owe their entire education/abilities to stalk to this genius!)

10) Florida A&M – Bill Clinton (Who probably also partied it up with the students post-ceremony.)

I’m not exactly looking forward to that May day in 2011 when I’ll be sweating myself into oblivion under the hot Durham sun and saying hello to the big, bad real world. But, hey, if any of the guests above (or, um, Josh Holloway from Lost) make it to my graduation, I probably won’t be complaining!

If you’re graduating this spring and you’ve managed to score a job you’re probably thanking god (if you still believe there is one) and thinking you’re super lucky. But think again. Because according to the WSJ, those currently entering the labor market won’t only be suffering from low-salary syndrome this year, but for, uh, ten more to come. Yes, ten years—or more!

See, supposedly if you graduate when the economy, uh, sucks (like in 2009), you’ll end up making about 100K less over the next 20 years than your bud (soon to be mortal enemy) who will graduate in better times. Why? WSJ says that even if the economy bounces back in a few years, while you’ve been working your butt off in the tiny firm no one has heard of, your luckier friend has just been hired at Bank of America. And now, although he’s two years your junior, he has more experience, a better resume, and a bit, or a ton, more moolah than you do. So while he will move steadily up the ladder, you will have a much harder time finding better and brighter pastures, and your wages may suffer (what seems like) eternally.

But hey, money doesn’t matter, right?

Now, some (obviously not I) are a bit less cynical about this ordeal. Instead of whining relentlessly, they’ve looked into more promising ways to spend their time. One popular suggestion? Stay in school! Now, this is assuming that you have unlimited funds and are willing to spend 1-4 more years in a dorm, doing homework and learning.  But as awful as this sounds, it just might be the perfect answer. It will keep you isolated from the oppressive job market, it will help you get further in the long run, and it just might be better than living with the rents for the rest of your life.

Something many ’09 grads will be doing.

Everyone else in the theater, including (who I thought were) my close friends, gasped, screamed, and even applauded. And not just for the hot lead actor. I could almost hear the nerds of the world rejoicing. I, on the other hand, sat there, quite uncomfortable, rolling my eyes obnoxiously at the “Trekkies” surrounding me.

Now, I have to admit, I have some nerdish tendencies myself. Obviously I enjoyed Twilight, and I get off on Harry Potter; I’m not completely against fantasy flicks. But when pointy ears and supernovas come into the mix, count me out. I mean, if Star Wars never suited my fancy, why would this?

On opening night, Stark Trek reeled in $75 mill. Ever since, the reviews have been raving, the movie goers have been talking, and I’ve been sitting here, sulking, wondering if there’s a (teeny, tiny, unbelievably unlikely) chance I’m actually missing out.

Should I suck it up and give planet Vulcan a shot? Should I try to let the new Captain Kirk rule my world? For now I think I’ll stay blissfully ignorant. Because I can’t help thinking…what if my greatest fear is realized? What if, (god help me), I actually like it?

You goin’ out tonight? Gonna hit the town and celebrate that final final? You gonna get so drunk that the only thing on your mind at the end of the night is gooey, cheesy and totally bad for you?

Me too!

But before you a make poor decision that involves you and the delivery places you clearly have on speed dial, read on. There are some snacks out there that are just not worth eating, no matter how many Vodka Red Bulls you’ve downed in honor of the end of History 240. Things you will regret more in the morning than last weekend’s romp with the History 240 T.A. Assuming all that fat and grease doesn’t prevent you from making it to the morning…

Domino’s Bread Bowl Pasta.

Not sure why you would want to eat this, as it both looks and sounds nauseating. But in case your taste buds aren’t satisfied with noodles alone and they long for a massive tub of soggy bread to soak up all the caloric goodness, just remember… NOT TO LISTEN TO THEM! No really– stay far, far away from this god-awful, heart-attack inducing concoction. I mean, who really needs to eat the bowl!? The giant serving of cheesy, creamy, fatty pasta isn’t enought?

It’s just gross. End of story.

Pizza Hut’s P’zone Pizza.

Described as: “Over a pound of toppings and cheese baked into a folded pizza crust!” I’m pretty sure that translates to: “Over a pound of extra fat stuffed into a pair of skinny jeans!”

Taco-Bell’s Nachos BellGrande.

Any food item with the word “grande” in it should most likely (as in, most definitely) be avoided. Unless it’s from Starbucks. You may think it’s not so bad – it’s  prepared with reduced fat sour cream! – but don’t be fooled. Low fat toppings or not,with 760 calories and 1300 mg of sodium (60% of your daily value of salt packed into one snack….er….fourthmeal!) this is a baaaad late night choice.

KFC Chicken and Biscuit Bowl.

(I think I just puked). Imagine of the four unhealthiest food items: fried chicken, mashed potatoes, cheese, and biscuits. Now pile them on top of one another, smother the stuff in gravy, and whad’ya get? Something you should probably never eat.

Pizza Hut’s Stuffed Crust Pizzas.

If pizza itself isn’t a bad enough choice for curing (or provoking) the munchies, try pizza with extra cheese literally “stuffed” into the crust. The pie is apparently packed with melted cheese in the crust “so that the last bite is as good as the first.” Yea…so the last bite is as good, and fatty, as the first one. Two (of those very small Pizza Hut) slices have 800 calories. And if that wasn’t harmful enough, just imagine those grease burns you’ll get when that sh*t drips down your arms. Probably not the best choice during bikini season. Or ever.

To help answer this question, I’ve compiled a list of things that I feel are, and aren’t, worth the splurge during our sad and painful recession. My basic rule of thumb? Things that last are worth the cash.

What’s worth it:

Jeans. I always used to laugh at the fact that my friends paid $200+ for jeans…until I tried on my first pair of J-Brands. While you can find cheaper options, the fact of the matter is, most designer jeans are better quality. Invest in a few pairs. They feel softer, they fit better, and they last longer. Your wallet might not thank you but your tush sure will! J-Brand, Hudson, and True Religions are my top picks.

The Iphone–If you can get your fam to join in. Individual plans are pricey, but with a family plan, the monthly rates are much more affordable. The iPhone beats all other cellular choices, plain and simple; it’s genius combo of visual voicemail, thousands of apps (including Shazam, which can detect any song playing nearby and tell you what it is), iPod, internet, and more makes it the clear choice. So worth it.

Haircuts/Hair dying. If you’re looking to change your hairstyle or color dramatically, please go to a salon. Now I’m not saying you should spend $200 to get a trim, but good haircutters/colorists can really make a difference on your do (mom, I hope you’re reading this—put that herbal essences hair-dye DOWN!). So when should you indulge? When you want layers, highlights, or to alter your color dramatically. Or you can get your friend to “work her magic,” just don’t come crying to me when you’re locks are purple and lopsided.

Basics. But only ones that you will use and use and use. This includes: a little black dress, a spring jacket, a few pairs of jeans (see above), a pair of STURDY flip flops–Reef, Teva, JCrew (watch out for water on those last ones–very durable, but zero traction)–etc. You be the judge of what’s a necessity…but don’t go overboard. Those Prada shoes are NOT basics.

What’s not:

Heels: While our feet are precious, you can pamper them without spending hundreds of dollars. There are great shoes out there that are well made, and bargains. I don’t know about you, but when I wear heels out to party, they are usually covered in dirt, sweat, and other people’s footprints by the time I get home. Point being, I’m not about to go throw my savings on a pair of Jimmy Choo’s. Instead, I love to shoe-shop at victoriassecret.com, shiekhshoes and DSW. To get your fix of strappy goodness, check out these (cheap!) beauties.

Manicures: Unless you’re extremely uncoordinated, DIY manicures can yield results just as pretty as those from a salon. Even better than do-it-yourself? Grab a friend and paint each other’s nails. One tip: After clipping, filing, and moisturizing your hands, buff each nail’s surface with a very rough buffer—this will help the polish stick and stay put for weeks. For summer, I adore bright shades. Try Essie, a cheap polish brand that has everything from neon yellows (great with tan/dark skin) to bright reds (beautiful on the fair).

Toiletries: Taking care of your body and face is important, no doubt, but people really underestimate the effectiveness that cheaper products can have. My $7 face cream has quenched my skin’s thirst just as well as my friend’s $50 bottle has quenched hers. And my Maybeline mascara has plumped my lashes just as well as that Dior Show I mistakenly purchased once. Until your skin is ridden with wrinkles and you need some serious skin care products, stick to affordable options.

Underwear: My opinion on undergarments? If they’re not visible, they shouldn’t be blasting your budget. And as for the claim that guys like when girls wear expensive, intricate lingerie? It’s false. I can assure you that the guy you’re sleeping with won’t care whether you’re wearing a bra from gap or La Perla–he’ll just wanna get that thing off! That said, it’s fun to feel comfy and sexy, even if you’re alone in the comfort of your own dorm room. Victoria’s Secret’s 5/25 undies deals are awesome, and they come in tons of cute styles, proving that you don’t have to sacrifice feeling sexy for staying on a budget.

Sunglasses: While designer shades can look pretty sleek, $15 ones can too. And since I lose my sunglasses about every 5 minutes, spending hundreds on them seems pretty dumb. Urban has a lot of funky choices that will fit a tight budget.

Gym Membership: Most universities and colleges offer on-campus gyms, but if you’re a graduate, or your school is lacking facilities, take the opportunity to get outside. Spending hundreds on a gym membership is not worth it when you have the great outdoors! Run, walk, hike, or do some at-home workouts—for free! Whatever floats your boat.