But this time, by the luck of the draw, I happened to get a check-up from someone that (gasp!) actually knew what they were talking about. I’m not saying you should listen to this doctor (nurse practitioner, if you want to get technical) instead of your own, but these are a few little known facts I picked up that I thought I would share.

Beware, as these tidbits may scare you away from sex for life (or at least for the night).

1. In order for your birth control to be 99.7% effective, you must take it every day within 30 minutes of the same time.
Apparently, the hormones that make you temporarily infertile only work for 24 straight hours. According to Susan (the nurse practitioner), you should be okay if you miss the time by 1 to 2 hours. If you miss more than that, however, you should use condoms for at least a week.

2. If you don’t take birth control at the same time every day, the effectiveness can be as low as 92%.
For all of you that have taken statistics, that means you have an 8% chance of getting preggers. Let me say that clearer: the chance of you having a small person come out of you in 9 months is 26 times higher if you don’t take your b.c. regularly. Noooo, thank you. (For more important facts about your pill, click here.)

3. Some STDs, especially HIV, have an incubation period of up to 6 months.
That means that even if you are negative for the disease today, you won’t be in the clear until you have another negative test 6 months from now. And that only applies if you haven’t engaged in any high-risk sexual activity. In short, make him wrap it up.

4. You can get HIV easier from oral-anal contact aka “rimming” (the grossest sex slang ever) than from any other form of oral sex.
This one was in a Safe Sex pamphlet that Susan so generously gave me. Not that I’m recommending that everybody run and try this one out, but just use that fact to put things into perspective. Or as a very handy excuse to say no if/when your partner ever puts in such a request.

5. Alcohol and drugs can weaken your immune system, making you more susceptible to infection.
Yes kids, that includes STDs and other icky things. I can also testify that being drunk makes having sex, especially enjoyable sex, just that much more difficult to maneuver. What’s more, according to my lovely pamphlet, alcohol and drugs can also impair your judgment and make you do things you may regret in the morning. Who knew?

“Are you sexually active?” inquired Dr. Nancy with her beady eyes judging my contraceptive-popping self. What the hell are you supposed to say in that situation?

“Well, you see Nance, I did hook up with my ex-hook up two weeks ago but other than that it’s been quite the dry spell…” Nobody really wants to delve into their complicated lust life with a complete stranger.

This got me thinking, how does anybody really know if they are “sexually active”? To me, activity isn’t all-or-nothing; there are several levels to be aware of. Dr. Nancy, for instance, would abide by the criteria of “hyperactivity.” In other words, if you have ever touched a boy or even really thought about it, you are sexually active for the rest of your life and probably well after you’re dead.

Now no offense to my good pal Nance, but I personally prefer to look at sexual activity like geologists study volcanoes. By this definition, an active girl is one that is currently “erupting” or at least hooks up regularly. What constitutes hooking up is up to you and the righteousness of your moral code. What also is up to you is how you define the term “regularly.” For the sake of escaping the scrutinizing eye of a university nurse practitioner or a Catholic priest, you may choose to equate “regularly” with “every day.” That way you can have no qualms with looking into those judging eyes and confidently stating, “No, as a matter of fact, I am not sexually active.”

For those of you that are like me and (sadly) haven’t gotten any in a while, you may fall under the classification of dormant. You have hooked up in historical times, but you are not currently sleeping with anybody. But not to worry ladies, there is always the promise of future sexual eruptions (thanks, Snoop Dogg). Even the experts say, “The eruption that follows long dormancy is violent.” Hey, you may just be the next Mount Saint Helens of the bedroom.

The rest of us fall into the category of extinct. By definition, extinction implies that there is no evidence of any activity within recent memory. Contrary to common belief, however, this group is not just for the virgins. It may also include those that tend to hook up in any sort of intoxicated state, impairing any and every memory of activity.

No matter which category you identify with, the choice is yours and yours alone. And no matter what, don’t let anyone make you feel insecure about your frequency of eruption, not even your own Dr. Nancy…

Likey? Want some more, you saucy vixen? We got it.

I’m sure most of us (myself included) don’t really stop mid-bite to ponder the effects of different foods on our teeth.  And while it doesn’t need to be at the forefront of our thoughts, we should still think about them chompers from time to time.

I don’t know about you, but I would rather not spend countless hours, dollars, and shrieks of pain getting dental surgery because I didn’t take care of my teeth early on… and refused to give up my daily coffee/candy bar breakfast routine.

Read on for the food rules of healthy teeth.

Drink tea: A study from the University of Illinois found that drinking tea without added sweeteners can significantly reduce the incidence of dental cavities.  Scientists propose that this is due to the polyphenol content of the tea, but the evidence is inconclusive.  Reduce the amount of cavities in your mouth by drinking at least a cup of tea each day, preferably after meals.  Remember that tea has plenty of other health benefits other than for your teeth, so drink up!

Avoid sugary foods: This one’s a no-brainer, but I thought it was worthy to include regardless.  Study after study has found an association between high sugar intake and high levels of dental problems.  Remember that other carbohydrates such as bread and cereals can also contribute to cavities if consumed in high amounts, so aim for balance in your intake of carbs, protein, and fats. If you are going to eat sugary foods, you can improve your dental health by brushing your teeth immediately after food consumption.

Chew sugar-free gum: Gum containing xylitol has been shown to reduce the incidence of dental caries by stimulating saliva production in your mouth, which can decrease plaque build-up.  Just be sure the gum you’re chewing doesn’t contain sorbitol, as it has less beneficial anti-cavity effects than xylitol.  Pop in a stick after snacks and meals to fight plaque buildup and thus, harmful dental cavities.

Avoid over-consumption of dark foods:  These can include coffee, red wine, and dark sodas.  Tobacco also has a similar effect, so stop smoking if you want those pearly whites (and lungs…)

Brain food should be healthy foods that stimulate your thinking, but I mainly use it as an excuse to eat during finals.  When I started feeling sluggish after downing a bag of Skittles during my most recent study-a-thon, I decided to put down the bag of Sun Chps and look into what really constitutes “brain food.”

Here are the top 4 foods you should be eating to help stimulate your brain power in both the short and long term.

Fatty fish:  Fish high in omega-3 fats, such as salmon, bluefin tuna, and anchovies can help your brain in multiple ways.  A study in Finland determined that frequent fish eaters are less likely to be depressed than those that eat fish less frequently.  Another study found that eating fish or seafood at least once a week can diminish your risk for developing dementia later on.  This in no way means that you should pile your plate sky high with sardines in hope to avoid dementia.  While fatty fish contain high levels of omega-3s, they also contain trace amounts of mercury which can actually cause harm to the body in large amounts. To get just the right level of omega-3s to stimulate that brain, look to eat about 2 to 3 servings of fish per week.

Blueberries: Blueberries, along with other fruits and vegetables, have been shown to decrease the onset of brain degeneration due to Alzheimer’s disease.  Blueberries, due to their high phytochemical content, have also been linked to improved memory status and function.  Although blueberries are one of the best, other fruits and vegetables with high antioxidant contents can be just as effective.  Nosh on other (seasonal!)  fruits and vegetables to get your daily dose.

Coffee: Everybody knows about the energy-boosting effects of caffeine.  Caffeine is one of the quickest ways to give you a quick jolt of energy to get through studying, driving, or a long night.  What makes coffee extra great, however, is it’s antioxidant content.  Coffee is the single largest source of antioxidants in the American diet.  Antioxidants, like those in blueberries, can improve memory and brain function.  Just be sure that you don’t drink too much coffee as it can make you jittery and sleepless, which can actually decrease brain power. (Not to mention all that study time lost to frequent trips to the bathroom.)

Egg Yolks: This one is constantly moving on and off of nutrition’s s**t list.  While egg yolks are infamous for having a high cholesterol content, they aren’t all bad.  Egg yolks have the highest concentration of naturally-occurring choline, which can increase the function of acetylcholine in the brain.  Acetylcholine works as a signal between the brain and the body so it can carry out nerve functions.  It has also been linked to decreasing the onset of “senility” in subjects.  Scramble a few eggs in the morning to get your fix.

"I take 10 minute showers! I'm killing the planet!"

For the past few months I’ve been talking your ear off about why the earth is in trouble and how you can go green to save our environment.  And while it’s great to do whatever you can to protect the planet, there is such a thing as caring a little too much. According to the New York Times, there has been an increasing amount of people that report anxiety and stress because they feel like they are never as green as they would like to be.  And, believe it or not, such anxious thoughts about the environment can have negative impacts on your emotional state, your health, and your relationships.

How do you know if you’re just a concerned citizen or full-blown green stress case?  Read on for the answer and for ways to manage if you’re glowing green just a little too brightly.

Are you green stressed? There’s a huge difference between being concerned and being down right obsessed.  Before you go any further, ask yourself a few questions:  Are you happy with your efforts to help the environment?  Do you feel like you’re doing enough to go green?  Are you willing to give up your green efforts to preserve some of your favorite activities?  If you answered yes to all of these questions, then congrats!  You are helping in a way that is both healthy for the environment and healthy for your well-being.

Didn’t pass the test? Then you may have some anxiety issues related to going green. With all of the information out there, it’s hard to feel like you’re ever doing enough to counteract the rest of the world’s indifference.  Before you start ripping your hair out, realize that this is more of a psychological issue than an environmental issue.  An obsession with going green is just the same as an obsession with losing weight or making money – you never feel like you’re doing enough.

So how do you fix it? Unless your stress is very severe, a quick reality check is just the ticket to snap you out of it.  First of all, think about all of the things you already do to help the environment.  Do you recycle?  Turn off the lights and water when you’re not using it?  Bike or walk to work or school?  Believe it or not, most people don’t do any of these; you’re way ahead of the game!  On a similar note, don’t compare your efforts to those of others!  Not all environmentally friendly methods are compatible with everyone’s lifestyle.  Pick your favorites and make a pledge to stick to those.  As time goes on, slowly try to incorporate other changes into your routine if it works.  Which brings me to my last point…

What is important to you? We already know that the environment is high on your priority list, but think about the other things you enjoy doing.  Personally, I love to go out, drink a few beers, and hang out with my friends.  I’m not going to let the fact that I’m wasting a few aluminum beer cans ruin my night.  Going green is all about protecting your passion, so be sure that you protect all your other ones as well!

Sometimes it’s hard to fit healthy food into a busy schedule, making it even harder for us to keep our digestive tract happy and healthy.  Unfortunately, one of the most common side effects of an unhappy tum-tum is bloating (ew).  Luckily, with a few easy tweaks to our diet, we can get on our way towards a fitter and flatter stomach.

Tummy Tip #1: Drink tons of water.  Water is probably the closest thing to a silver bullet you’ll ever find.  Not only does it improve the look of your skin and stimulate mental clarity, it also aids in digestion.  This translates into a flatter, bloat-free stomach for you.  Make sure you’re getting enough agua by listening to some advice from the Institute of Medicine.  They recommend that the lovely ladies, like ourselves, drink about 9 cups of H20 a day.

Tummy Tip #2: Hold the salt. As a general rule of thumb, wherever salt goes water will follow.  This is good for maintaining a good balance of minerals in the blood, but can be bad when it comes to belly bloat.  You don’t have to cut out salt completely to diminish bloating, but try to avoid overly salty foods like chips, canned soups, frozen meals, and salted nuts.

Tummy Tip #3: Try probiotics. Most studies with probiotics have been inconclusive, so take this section with a grain of salt (pun intended).  Probiotics are strains of bacteria that can have beneficial effects on your immune system and digestive tract.  However, some studies have found that probiotics may actually cause bloating, so be sure to keep a watchful eye on your waistline if you try this one out.  Probiotics are found naturally in yogurt, so work them into your breakfast by eating nonfat plain yogurt with berries and granola.  And just so you know, there is no need to buy special “probiotic” yogurts to get the beneficial effects.

Tummy Tip #4: Eat less sugar. Fructose, one of the most common sweeteners found in our foods, can cause bloating if consumed in high amounts.  If you still can’t give up your sweet tooth but want a tighter tummy, check the ingredients list to make sure that the food is made with sugar, not high fructose corn syrup.  Also, beware of artificial sugars in sugar-free candies and gums; they can cause bloating too.

You don’t have to give up all of your favorites to beat the bloat.  Just eat everything in moderation, drink tons of water, and exercise regularly to keep your tummy in tip-top shape.

Whether you’re a seasoned snowboarder or a bunny-slope warrior, the ski slopes have something to offer us all (even if it is only hot chocolate in the lodge cafeteria).  Surprisingly though, considering I kiss the snow every 5 feet, skiing isn’t always the most environmentally friendly activity. Between the lifts and the plows and the resort hot tubs running all night long, skiing can leave quite a mark on Mother Earth. But it doesn’t have to.

If you’ve got plans to hit the slopes this season, keep nature and a few of these things in mind:

Are the slopes graded or cleared?
This one’s tricky because it’s a little hard to tell whether you’re skiing on a graded or cleared slope.  A cleared slope is created by cutting down trees and shrubs to make a smooth downhill run.  A graded slope is like a cleared slope on steroids.  Bulldozers are brought in to scrape off the top layers of the soil to make the run unnaturally smooth and hence, boring.  This leaves that particular ecosystem in ruins, causing erosion and decreasing plant biodiversity.  Plus, it takes a lot more resources to maintain because the natural infrastructure isn’t in place to maintain itself.  When you have the choice, ski on a cleared slope to challenge yourself and save the environment.

Ski on real snow.
Early on in the season, many resorts bring in huge snow making machines that guzzle water and energy just to attract the early birds.  The best way to decrease this practice is to wait until it’s actually snowing to hit the slopes.  Moreover, many resorts use graded ski slopes just to open the runs a week early, so give ‘em a double whammy by waiting until it’s actually ski season to make your trek to the mountains.

Ski cross country or choose chair lifts wisely.
Cross country skiing is one of the most energy intensive exercises, burning up to 500 calories per hour depending on weight.  What’s more, that energy you burn translates into energy you save by not using a chair lift.  If you’re a pansy like me and can’t handle cross-country, don’t fret, just try to find lifts powered by renewable resources.  Aspen in Colorado, Crystal Mountain in Wisconsin, and Heavenly Ski Resort in California all have made efforts to find cleaner ways to power their ski lifts.

Rent your equipment.
This one’s pretty much a no-brainer.  Sharing equipment with other people means that you buy less and thus, fewer resources are needed to manufacture ski and snowboard gear.  If you have to buy your own skis or snowboard,  be sure that you sell it or give it away when you’re finished so somebody else can have some fun!

Check your resort before you go.
The Ski Area Citizens Coalition has an amazing website that gives every resort a grade based on its efforts to be environmentally friendly.  If you don’t have a regular ski spot, find your new favorite by checking out the Top Ten on the SACC homepage.  Otherwise, check your local resorts by selecting your state and ski area.

Happy skiing and snowboarding!

Water – Water is probably the most important thing you ever put in your body throughout a given day.  Having enough water in your system helps everything run smoothly, including your digestion, thought processes, and alertness.  Plus, it helps flush (read: pee pee) out all of the toxic byproducts of your normal body processes.  This is the part that makes your skin glow, look fresh, and appear more rested.  While how much water you drink is constantly in dispute, my general rule of thumb is to drink enough water to keep your pee light yellow.

Omega-3 Rich Foods – This includes foods like salmon, flax seeds, walnuts, and certain types of beans.  Eating these foods on a normal basis increases your intake of essential fatty acids, which help your skin remain plump and fresh by holding water into your skin cells.  Omega-3s also act was an anti-inflammatory agent, which can improve the blood flow to your face, making you glow.

Selenium-Rich Foods – Studies have shown the power of this mineral in preventing damage to the skin cells.  Foods high in selenium include whole grains, turkey, and tuna.  Selenium can help prevent oxidative damage, which can age and roughen skin cells.  Pour yourself a bowl of whole wheat cereal in the morning to get closer to your daily selenium needs.

Green Tea – Green tea has been tied to a number of health benefits such as decreased appetite, increased calorie burn, and antioxidant properties.  For the skin, what makes this drink important is its anti-inflammatory properties.  Just like omega-3s, green tea may help protect skin cell membranes, making the skin look fresher, plumper, and well rested.

Vitamin A Rich Foods – Vitamin A is crucial to repairing skin cells.  When levels are low, the skin responds by becoming dry and flaky – something I know none of us want.  Many people apply Vitamin A creams topically as a treatment for wrinkles, acne, and psoriasis, but you can still obtain some effects by eating foods rich in Vitamin A.  Some of the best sources of this vitamin include carrots, broccoli, sweet potatoes, and butter.  On second thought, maybe you should refrain from snacking on sticks of the last one, just for your waistline’s sake.

I knew I just couldn’t lie to the intelligent ladies that you are, so I scrapped the article and came up with this.

Here are some of the worst snack options and their greener replacements to reduce your environmental impact… and your waistline. Seriously, think about this next time you go shopping; we’re all probably doing more harm than we even know.

Culprit #1: Tyson
Why it sucks: Tyson is one of the largest companies in the meat industry.  According to the movie Food, Inc. (which you all should see!), such large scale farming contributes to pollution, greenhouse gases, depletion of resources, antibiotic resistance and illness in workers and consumers, and poor employee treatment.
Don’t eat: Tyson’s fried chicken fillet sandwich. For so many reasons. Gross.
Eat instead: Gardenburger’s Original Veggie Burgers

Culprit #2: Smucker’s
Why it sucks: In environmental impact scores, Smucker’s ranks a lowly 463^rd out of 500 U.S. companies with a score of 7.8 out of 100.  I think if you got a 7.8% on a test you’d officially get an F-.
Don’t eat: Smucker’s Goober Jam/Peanut Butter sandwich
Eat instead: Trader Joe’s Organic Peanut Butter and banana sandwich

Culprit #3: Dr. Pepper Snapple Group
Why it sucks:  This beverage company, like most, use large amounts of plastic to make single-serving bottles of soda and juice.  Not only is soda linked to obesity and diabetes, but the plastic is also very energy intensive to make and often end up in landfills.  Yeah, Best Stuff on Earth, my a**.
Don’t drink: Dr. Pepper, Hawaiian Punch, Snapple, or any of that crap.
Drink instead:  Club soda with a squeeze of lime.

Culprit #4: Hormel
Why it sucks:  All of their products are heavily packaged in unnecessary amounts of plastic and glass, both of which use a lot of energy to make and never decompose.
Don’t eat: Hormel Compleats Microwave Meals
Eat instead: Amy’s Microwave Meals

Got an opinion on the food industry or specific corporations?  Have your say in the comments section!

Mother Earth Says: No balloons!

As 2009 winds down and 2010 looms ahead, we all begin thinking about the important things in life.  I think most of us can agree that at the top of our list would be one of the most important things of all – throwing an epic NYE bash!

As always, I will be the one to 1) ruin your fun by saying that your party is killing the earth and 2) make it even better by replacing your old faves with your soon-to-be new ones.  Here are some of the most crucial aspects to throwing an eco-friendly, yet equally bitchin’ New Year’s shindig.

1) Choose eco-friendly champagnes.  This article on TreeHugger.com has a great list of organic sparkling wines at all price ranges.   If you’re like me and still too poor to afford a bottle of anything over $7.99 then you can still opt for the favorites as long as they’re grown and bottled as close to you as possible.  For example, if you’re a California girl, such as myself, you have the pleasure of sippin’ on BevMo’s finest.  That’s right, I’m talking about Cook’s and Andre.  You’re welcome.

2)  Use real champagne glasses. I know you are all classy ladies out there, so kick the red cup habit and get something real stylish.  If you can’t afford the cost and the injuries that result from broken glass, opt for acrylic or plastic champagne flutes.  Just be sure to recollect them at the end of the night so you can use them for your party next year (or next week).

3)  Skip the streamers and confetti. Seriously, who decorates their party with streamers past the age of 6 anyway?  If your party is not complete without the midnight confetti toss and next day incessant vacuuming, then be my guest.  But please, please, please don’t waste your money and our precious resources at an overpriced party goods store.  All you have to do is look in your recycle bin, dig out that old newspaper and start ripping it to shreds.

4)  Ditch the Fritos and get your a** in the kitchen! By whipping something up on your own, your food will be yummier, cheaper, and healthier for you than those nasty processed foods.  Plus, there’s really no way to know exactly how much the Earth died (tiny overstatement) just to get you your frozen spinach dip.  If you’re ready to get your hands dirty but you don’t know how, just follow the recipe of your favorite party foods and then substitute the ingredients for organic, fresher, and less processed alternatives.  Eat up!

5)  Spend your money on booze. And not on your NYE party dress.  Get real, you know you’re only going to wear it once anyways!  Be resourceful and utilize all your resources before heading to the mall.  Borrow clothes from your friends and match them with those shoes that you haven’t worn in a year.  (I promise, nobody will notice.)  If absolutely cannot live without a new party ‘fit, hit your local thrift and consignment stores today!  Not only will you spare the earth’s resources, but you also have a higher chance of buying a designer label that’s actually within your price range.