In case you haven’t noticed, the Oscars are tonight. (Have you made your predictions yet? You only have a few hours left to enter!) If you’re anything like me, that means you’ll be perched on the couch, surrounded by friends, starting at 5pm to catch, and talk about, all the red carpet drama.

And at about 6pm, after you’ve discovered that Brad and Angie aren’t actually coming and your stomach is growling, you’ll be wishing you had something to munch on. And by “munch” I mean “devour.” But just like you can’t serve Natty Light at your Oscar bash, you really can’t chow down on Sun Chips and Swedish Fish for such a special occasion.

You need a snack fit for the evening and nothings says “Fit for a red carpet affair to impress your friends but still totally easy and OH MY GOD SO DELICIOUS” quite like baked brie. I swear, this recipe is easier than opening a bag of Tostitos and so. much. better. It only takes a few minutes, so run to that campus market, get the goods, and you’ll have plenty of time to whip this up somewhere between studying and settling in for the big night. Or, you know, any night of the week. Because it’s just that good.

Baked Brie:
One small round brie cheese
One tube crescent rolls (like Pillsbury)
Topping of choice (preserves, caramelized onions… basically anything spreadable)
Things to dip (duh, crackers)

Bake it up!
1) Pop open the tube of crescent rolls and unroll those suckers onto a cookie sheet. You can either roll them out with a rolling pin, or smush them together at the seams with your fingers – the idea is just to seal it up into one big sheet of dough.

2) Place the brie in the center of the dough.

3) Spread your topping onto the brie (or don’t – it’s good with just the brie), and fold the dough up around the whole cheesey-spready package. Be sure to check for tears or holes in the dough and seal it well on all sides.

4) Bake according to the instructions on your crescent roll package until it’s toasty and golden brown on the outside! Once it’s done, take it out of the oven, and let it sit for a few minutes (this is important – if you cut it right away you will have a cheese disaster, I promise you), and then cut into gooey, flaky, amazing slices!

5) Serve with crackers or sliced baguette… or just eat it with your fingers.

OMG I’m drooling just thinking about it.

There seems to be an unspoken February rule that if you have a boyfriend you are not allowed to complain about Valentine’s Day. I, for one, think this is bulls**t. I have a boyfriend, yes, but you know what? I hate Valentine’s Day. Haaaaaaate it.I hate it even more when I have a boyfriend than when I don’t!

Here are the top three reasons, in my book, why the big V Day can suck it.

1. Holidays that come with expectations are always stressful (see: New Year’s Eve, anniversaries, etc.), and Valentine’s Day is one of the worst. It’s one of those days full of things you are ‘supposed’ to do, and the pressure to be creative and thoughtful and loving and perrrrrfect is totally overwhelming. That can often lead to a seriously sucky night, especially if you and boyfriend are not on the exact same page about the whole event. Ladies, admit it, we can be tricky about this day. We “don’t really care about it” and, “it’s not a big deal,” but sometimes that just means “I want YOU to think of something and surprise me.” Nothing ruins a holiday like silent disappointment, when you can’t really be mad about a lack of, well, anything, because that’s exactly what you said you wanted! And it’s doubly bad if you planned something for your honey, only to have your sweet surprise be one-sided. Okay, maybe that’s just me, but I hope I’m not alone.

2. The implications of Valentine’s Day are super annoying, if you think about it. In some ways it’s cute to have a day dedicated to expressing your love for each other. But honestly, I am bats**t crazy in love with my boyfriend, but I don’t love him more on Valentine’s Day than I do any other day of the year. I am lucky enough to have a relationship that is pretty affectionate most of the time, so how am I supposed to make this day bigger and better and MORE loving?! It becomes a big deal when it’s just a goddamn day, like any other day!

3. Single Valentine’s Day is fun! It’s an excuse to have a party, to hang out with your girlfriends, to eat chocolate and drink champagne, all in the name of single solidarity. Just because I have a man doesn’t mean I’ve given up bitching about them!

If you are one of those couples out there who adore Valentine’s Day, more power to you. Get yourself a heart-covered jar of chocolate body paint and have yourself a ball. I am just not one of you, and I don’t need to fight you for an overpriced romantic dinner reservation. Boyfriend, you’re off the hook. And this time, I really mean it.

I love all things bite size (well, when it comes to food…), packed with flavor, and eaten with my fingers. One of my personal faves in this category is BLT bites. I was a late–comer to the BLT party (I thought I didn’t like bacon for years. How crazy is that?!)  but now that I’m on board, I can’t get enough. These little gems have the same enticing flavor combo as the big sandwich, but they’re mini, so they’re instantly better. The filling is jam-packed with unbelievable flavor – smoky bacon, sharp, salty cheese, fragrant herbs – while the ripe tomato shell gives it a fresh and summery feel. Deeeee-licious.

BLT Bites

16 – 20 cherry tomatoes
1 pound bacon, cooked and crumbled
1/2 cup mayonnaise
1/3 cup chopped green onions
3 Tablespoons grated Parmesan cheese
2 Tablespoons chopped fresh parsley

Cut off the top of each tomato, just enough so you can get at the seeds but the tomato’s shape remains intact. Carefully scoop out the pulp. Put the tomatoes upside down on a paper tower to drain well. Combine all the other ingredients and mix well. Spoon as much filling as will fit into each tomato. Refrigerate for several hours before serving. Share them with your friends…or eat ‘em alone in front of the TV (which is totes my preference).

I’ve made it for many a backyard/patio/rooftop bbq, and it is always a huuuuge hit. Throw it on a burger, use it as a French fry dippin’ sauce, anywhere you want a really excellent dollop of flavor. It’s so easy you can whip it up in no time, and keep a jar on hand in your fridge for that impromptu summertime grill-fest (like the 4th of July??)

Chipotle Mayonnise

1 16 oz. jar Mayonnaise (makes a lot, but I like to use the whole thing so I can just pour the whole recipe back into the jar for storage, and have it on hand at all times.)
2 chipotles in adobo sauce, plus 2 tsp adobo sauce
1 large clove garlic
Juice of half a lime
Salt to taste (start with about ½ tsp)

Dump all ingredients all into a blender and puree until totally smooth. Put on everything.

Notes:

- If your blender sucks like mine, you may want to chop up the garlic and chipotle before putting them in there.

- This can be spicy! The thing that’s really wonderful about this mayo is that all the flavors are totally adjustable to your taste. Like less heat? Cut down on the chipotles and adobo sauce a bit. It’s all about tasting and testing until it’s absolutely perfect. Which, believe me, it will be.

Say WHAT?!?!?

I couldn’t believe it. How could you not enjoy something that is completely and totally dedicated to your pleasure, and yours alone? Surely she was alone in this, I thought. Not so! As soon as the question was posed, a definite majority of the group was on her side! Some disliked it altogether, some liked it OK but were pretty “meh” about the whole concept, and I was the only holdout for it being truly awesome.

I have to say, ladies, I just don’t get it. When I got curious, I was presented with a few primary reasons for these women not being crazy about someone heading downtown.

1. “I worry he doesn’t like doing it.”
A valid concern, on the surface: no one wants to put someone they love/like/lust after in an awkward position. But dig a little deeper for a minute, if you will. I don’t love the physical act of giving a blow job, but I love love love how good I can make someone feel when I do it! Isn’t that the point of all this? If he doesn’t care about making you feel good, then forget him. Seriously. Now.

2. “I’m self-conscious about the appearance/smell/yadda yadda yadda of my ladyparts.”
Are you naked? ‘Cause he won’t notice anything else. But seriously, folks, I know that if I am in need of a little yardwork, I am uncomfortable with someone getting too close down there.  With a little maintenance, it’s a non-issue. And that’s just me: you may prefer more or less, all or nothing at all.  Maintain what YOU like, not what you think someone else will find attractive. It’s subjective, anyway, and any man who has specific opinions on your pubic hair should really get over it.  Even if he does have opinions, they should be a preference, not a deal-breaker. If you’re still feeling fidgety, remember: women all have the same bits, and you probably look and smell much like the rest of us ladies, and any man worth his salt knows and appreciates this.

3. “I don’t enjoy it all that much. I just prefer sex.”
My working theory is that this stems from one of the first two reasons, which can distract you so entirely from the present moment that you won’t enjoy anything at all. But if you really just think it doesn’t feel good, then, well, I didn’t want to get all “you’ve just never been with someone who was good at it” on you, but you’ve just never been with someone who was good at it. Bad oral sex is….pretty bad. Pretty useless, at best.  Men who are too rough, or fast, or seem to think that imitating porn stars is the way to go just need a little direction.  If the usual strategically placed moans don’t work, most men dig it if you tell them what you want. Honestly, if you can tell him “ohhhh do that again,” or “I love it when you…” you’re golden. It might feel like awkward dirty talk at first, but trust me, it’ll get the job done and probably turn him on in the process. Everybody wins!

It is incredible to have someone focused entirely on making you feel amazing (and trust me, that is different than someone who is just trying to warm you up so he can get his groove on. Forget that guy also. Immediately.). You give, should you not also have the chance to lay back, relax and receive? On top of it being an incredible orgasm on its own, oral sex makes any sex that follows utterly toe-curling, because you are so revved up and ready to go. That is one of the little gifts of being a woman: the first orgasm only prepares you for the next one.

If you think you don’t like it, try it again.  You don’t know what you’re missing.

Not only do I love Etsy for the seemingly endless supply of lovingly crafted goods for sale – jewelry, clothing, photography, stuffed animals, frames, glasswares, knick-knacks, and on and on and on – but I love the creative kick in the pants I get every time I visit. I see an awesome silkscreened dress and my mind immediately starts perusing my closet for items I could adorn myself. I see jewelry made out of old piano keys, or skeleton keys, or medical skeletons, or anything, and suddenly the overflowing basement in my family home is brimming with possibility instead of junk!

The Storque, Etsy’s brilliant and multi-faceted DIY blog takes this burst of creative energy (which, for my scattered self, often fades in light of the overwhelming possibilities) and makes all things seem possible. Some of their most frequent topics are as follows:

Step-by-step projects:
A la CC’s DIY Tuesday, The Storque offers up clearly written, well-crafted project ideas of all shapes, sizes and ideas. Now that all my cousins seem to be having babies, I am going to test out this adooorable squishy donkey pattern, as a way to turn out simple, personalized baby gifts to all the new additions! There are tutorials on making your own stamps, gussying up your old clothes, and making your own lip balm – and everything in between!

General craft hints:
There are a fair number of pesky instructions or terms that you run across in the DIY world that you seem to be expected to know; those pivotal and oft-screwed-up creative steps. The Storque seeks to fill in those gaps so that nothing stands between you and artistic greatness! Some examples are lessons in how to correctly measure for clothing, to properly frame your artwork, and working your color wheel.

Seller How To:
If you’re crafty already (or the blog has inspired you to become so), The Storque dedicates a lot of screen inches to helping you become a world-class Etsy seller yourself. An online boutique is a subtle art, and they are totally in your corner when it comes to sales. After all, artists are the lifeblood of Etsy! So, if you’ve got questions about how to photograph your items for sale, how to get noticed in the artistic crowd, or anything of that sort, you’ll find it on here.

Artists Columns
The Storque has a fantastic roster of artists on board, sharing their stories and offering up advice. Some are one-time articles from fantastic independent bloggers – foodies, crafters, etc. One I am always on the lookout for is folks at Apartment Therapy. They are frequent contributors with killer decorating ideas.

Thanks to The Storque, when I walk past fabulous New York boutiques filled with some gloriously handmade (and expensive) embroidered/silkscreened/beaded items in the window, I think to myself “I could make that.” And now I’m totally right!

Before I entered the world of adult dating, I didn’t really understand the importance of these factors in forming a new relationship. My lovely older sister used to lose her mind when her boyfriend (now husband)’s ex was mentioned, and I couldn’t understand why. She was history, why was the mention of her name so upsetting? I didn’t care about any of MY boyfriend’s ex-girlfriends. Of course not, they’d dated as teenagers or college students (when they were drunk most of the time, I’m sure), and topped out at a year, two at the most.

Once I joined the grown-ups, I had a new appreciation for ‘the ex’, as she became a more significant being. My boyfriend was with his ex for 8 years, and when I first found that out, the thought of her made me INSANE. Totally irrational, I know, but I’m working through it. It’s far from complete, and I’m sure it will evolve, as all things do, as I age. But for the time being, here are a few things I’ve found that help deal with this relationship reality in a healthy way.

1. Start Fresh (or, Hide The Evidence)
In any relationship, but especially long-termers, and those involving co-habitation, things accumulate. There is just…stuff. It happens, and it’s okay. Kitchen gadgets, furniture purchased together, all these need not disappear just because the co-puchaser is no longer around. But personal things? You don’t want to stumble upon a pair of women’s shoes in the back of the closet, knowing full well they’re not yours. That’s a little too much. It is certainly within your rights to ask your partner to wipe the slate clean, and make an effort to remove things directly (and obviously) connected to an ex.

But be forgiving. There was a time where I would find a book that my boyfriend had received from the aforementioned long-term ex-girlfriend, and see her name written inside with a date and sweet note, and my head would explode. It didn’t bother me because it made me think about her, it bothered me because I assumed it made HIM think about her. But was it OK for me to ask him to get rid of his favorite book just because she happened to give it to him? No. Yes, her clothes have to go, but his books do not. Pretending he or she never existed will help nothing.

2. Know What You Must – And Nothing More
The question of exes always comes up, be it as a side note in conversation or the topic itself. It’s only natural, in the process of getting to know one another. That said, learn what you must, but be careful what you ask for, and make sure you are ready to hear it. I was dying to know the details of a breakup once, because I was certain that he wasn’t telling me the whole story. It took a very, very good friend to ask me, as I agonized about whether to bring it up: “but…why?” And she was right. I didn’t need to know when she moved out, where she went, and so on, mostly because it has NOTHING to do with me and my relationship. So, lesson learned. Don’t over-pry. This ABSOLUTELY includes internet stalking. Don’t hunt them down on MySpace and Facebook! Stop it! Right now! It it a seductive prospect, and far too many people fall prey to the temptation. If you can’t ask it in person, you know it’s not a healthy activity.

3. Don’t Compare!
When dealing with a long term ex, women especially seem to have a hard time distancing themselves from certain information. Was she taller, shorter, fatter, thinner? Am I prettier than she is? Are there pictures of them on a beach in a part of the world you have always longed to go? These are not things you really need to know, nor, I imagine, do you really want to. What you want is validation that you are the best, loveliest thing that has ever entered his world. When the urge strikes for that validation, remember that you are. He’s not with her anymore – he’s with you!

4. Remember: You have Baggage Too
I have photos of old boyfriends. I have letters, and postcards, and mementos (carefully stashed away, of course). And I have friendships, many of them, with ex-boyfriends, and I am happy to have them. None of these things mean I am still in love with someone in my past. We all have exes, and they are all exes for a reason. Simple though it may seem, remembering it is the quickest way I have found to jar myself back to emotional equilibrium.

Whatever your past, whatever your partner’s past, the truth is you are together now. Appreciate your relationship for its own unique beauty, and respect the experiences that made you who you are and brought you where you are. Don’t ignore the past, but don’t live in it. My parents have been married for 30 years, and frankly, they’ve set the bar pretty high. They make jokes and kissy faces, and seem to still genuinely like each other.  And yet, over a glass of wine, as my sister and I ranted about the women who still haunted us from time to time, my mother narrowed her eyes and said “Jane Raymond.” Seems the sting never quite wears off, but it also never gets in the way.

I’ve missed my sandals. I missed them so much that I dragged them out of the back of my closet a month ago, only to gaze longingly at them every day, sigh, and pull on another pair of warm socks. After a long, hard fall, winter AND spring of boots, rain boots, and snow boots, I am dying to leave the house in nothing but a kick ass summer dress and a fantastic pair of gladiator sandals.

Before that happens, though, I have to take care of one teeny problem. You know that long hard winter of boots I mentioned? It has left my feet looking….less than pretty. So, in preparation for the day when all my sandal dreams come true, here are some step-by-step instructions for an at-home pedicure that will have your feet ready to see the sun before you know it!

Step One: Polish Prep
Soak a cotton ball or cotton pad with nail polish remover and remove all your old polish that has been on there since last August.

Clip toenails straight across. Seriously, DO NOT cut anything but straight across. If you try and clip down on the sides you risk a seriously painful ingrown toenail. Ouch!

Use a nail file to smooth the edges, and if you want to round down the sides a little, this is the time to do it.

Step Two: Soak It Up!
(Side note: if I’m pressed for time, or just feeling lazy, I’ll skip this step and pumice my feet in the bath or shower before I polish).

Fill a low, wide bucket with hot water and add a half cup of Epsom salt, which eases muscle tension and de-puffs tired feet. If you’re feeling super-indulgent, toss in some scented bath salts or elixir – anything with a scent you really enjoy.

Soak your feet for 5 minutes or so, and after they’re good and soft, take a pumice stone or a foot file and use it to slough the rough bits of your feet: the balls of your feet, your heels, and the outer edges of your big toes and pinky toes.

When you’re smooth, pat your tootsies dry with a towel. If you would like, push back your cuticles (don’t cut em! Another recipe for ingrown toenails!) with the edge of an emery board, and then slather both feet with a super moisturizing foot lotion or cream.

Step Three: Time To Polish

Wash the moisturizer off your toenails with soap and water and let them dry.

Use a foam toe separator to create space between your toes. In a pinch, I have been known to use neat little rolls of paper towel between each toe for that purpose, but believe me, the foam spacers are way nicer and pretty cheap.

Apply one coat of base coat, two coats of color and one coat of top coat. I try and do one wide stroke down the center of each nail, and then two thin ones down each side.

Use a Q-tip dipped in nail-polish remover to clean up any messy edges or other polish mishaps.

Now, this is the most important part: Let your polish dry COMPLETELY before putting on close-toed shoes. This means several hours. If you’ve got to go asap, caaaaarefully slip on some sandals. Apply a new coat of top coat every three days or so, just to keep your polish fresh and chip-free until you’re ready for a new paint job!

But even with all the beautiful summer fashion options out there, I worry.  What is it about the imminent arrival of summer that causes normally well-dressed people to make some, shall we say, questionable sartorial choices? Why do they think it’s okay to be semi-nude in public or dress like children?

Sure, bad fashion exists year-round, but summer clothing lives so much closer to naked that its faux pas are particularly troublesome.

Below, a round-up of my all time worst offenders! Remember, they’re called ‘don’ts’ for a reason!

1. Uggs. I know I’m going to get some slack for this one, but I just do not care. Yes, I think Uggs are ugly as sin and make your feet look like blobby puddles of dough, but I have begrudgingly accepted them as a form of warm and practical fall/winter footwear.  That being said, if it’s warm enough for shorts, it’s also warm enough for sandals!  If it’s dress season, your Ugglies should not be seeing the light of day. Hide those things under pants.

2. Call ‘em short shorts, call ‘em hot pants, call ‘em Daisy Dukes: but ladies (and please, for the love of god, men) put ‘em away! There are some seriously cute shorts out there these days, but if I can see the curvature of your ass cheeks before that fabric hits bottom, they are TOO SHORT.

3. Jelly shoes: What, are you 5 years old? No. And if you are, you shouldn’t be reading this website. You are too young, little lady!

4. Tunics as dresses: Fine in theory, but for my general problem with these, see the entry for short shorts and add in the problems of wind, subway grates, and public staircases, to name a few. And everyone knows it’s a shirt.

5. Platform flip-flops: These little gems were huuuuge (literally) around my high school, and I, as a very short girl, never understood them. It’s as though every girl under 5’4” strapped cinder blocks of foam to her feet in an attempt to look taller and svelter, but you don’t look taller and svelter! You look like a short person standing on foam cinder blocks. And now you look like a short person standing on foam cinder blocks that went out of fashion 6 years a go. Fail.

6. Bandeau tops: They are not tops – they are bathing suits and bras.

7.  Oh Mandals, why are you so difficult to master? Seriously, if anyone has found a pair of good looking sandals for men that aren’t just flip-flops, I would love to see them. Because unless you are a surfer or soccer player, there is just very little that makes sense on you and your hairy feet. Sorry, guys.

8. Mesh in any form.

9. White or sheer clothing with underwear that isn’t nude. When you are being beautifully backlit by the sun, I do not want to see your underwear outlines. Remember: you can see white under white! If you are AT ALL questioning whether something is a wee bit see thru, go nude. By which I mean nude underoos – not commando. Come on, people!

10. (This last one is pretty rare, but when I see it I am so completely baffled that I have to mention it:) Heels with bathing suits. I’m pretty sure I’ve only seen this in Vegas and near a pool somewhere in Long Island, but unless you are currently filming a music video or in a beauty pageant, put on some flip-flops. Just not platform ones.

You can find a podcast for anything! Want to learn Spanish? Try Coffee Break Spanish! Dig indie music? IndieFeed!  Can’t get enough of LOST? The Lost Podcast is for you!  There are more topics than I could ever name in one short article, but trust me: if you’re interested in it, it’s out there.

There are several factors that make me predisposed to podcast lovin’. I enjoy walking absurdly long distances. I live in a city where long public transportation rides are de rigeur, and some days my poor shoulder just cannot bear the weight of another book. Even were these not true, I would probably still be on the bandwagon. Podcasts are fun, they’re informative, and best of all: they’re free! Yeah baby – I said free!

A rundown on my favorites:

1. The brilliant storytelling on NPR’s This American Life makes it one of my favorite radio shows. It’s like an audio version of documentary film making, and I totally dig it, but I am never, ever near a radio when it’s broadcast on the weekends! Luckily, iTunes downloads me the latest episode as soon as it’s available. Though shorter and recorded live, The Moth is similarly a storytelling series, with an ever-changing cast of actors and comedians sharing stories from their own lives. Love. It.

2. Seattle’s indie music station, KEXP, has a Song of the Day podcast, so every day I get a new song from a sick new band that I probably never would have found otherwise! Browsing for that one led me to The Giant Golden Radio, a podcast made by a local Seattle fellow with killer taste in indie music, who lovingly crafts some of the hottest newer bands into killer one hour+ packages. These two really keep my cool quotient above water.

3. HowStuffWorks.com has a bunch of podcasts that I love love love, and this is really where my inner nerd comes out.  Stuff You Missed In History Class covers one short, historical topic per podcast, and Stuff You Should Know covers one totally random topic, like lunar landings or the concept of habeas corpus – stuff that my trivia-loving self can’t get enough of. They’re cute, short, educational, and never, ever dry and boring.

4. I love to travel, or at least think about travel when I am too poor to actually do it. Enter a litany of travel podcasts: Amateur Traveler tries to help you find the best places to travel, while travel giant Lonely Planet takes you on aural tours of exotic locations and Frommer’s covers both destinations and more general travel information.

5. As a sort of combo of the two previous entries (nerdy + travel) I really love the Italian language podcast from LearnItalianPod.com. Like so many college students, I have felt the hard-learned language of my study abroad semester (in my case, Florence) slowly fade, and this gives me hope that it’s still in there somewhere.

6. If I need a laugh, I turn to the Ricky Gervais or Jordan, Jesse, GO! podcasts.  I don’t think I can properly explain how much these make me laugh. When you’re stuck in the rain, or heading home after a genuinely terrible day, there is nothing like cracking yourself up in public to make life a little better.

7. In the same way I always miss This American Life, I am never home to catch some of the shows I would like to on TV.  My current events faves like Rachel Maddow and Bill Maher are now both available via podcast, so I can listen on my own schedule. Genius!

8. The Gossip Girl Podcast. ‘Nuff said.

Now of course, in the writing of this article, I have subscribed to like two dozen more podcasts.  I am still in the market for a good fashion podcast; anybody got one? Got any favorites of your own? Let me know! I’m gonna have to get a bigger iPod.